Hey everyone. I know I've been extinct for a year. Everything is going okay. The baby is fine. I just have been insanely busy.
I have recently moved onto another blog, and hopefully you'll continue to follow along with me.
http://senseandunsensibility.blogspot.com
Hope to see you there!
Been a few weeks since my last point. In that time we did have our ultrasound and to our sneaking suspicions we were totally right... we are having another GIRL!!!! Best of all she looks wonderful and healthy!! I actually had to have a repeat u/s done a week later, because Little Miss was a crazed fetus and wouldn't stop moving! They couldn't get all the scans they needed to make the session complete! She is measuring right on target, and has my nose (sounds crazy but that's how good the picture of her face was!)
Can I say this (without sounding like a horrible person), that I'm really relieved it wasn't a boy? Before all you people out there with sons get all offended, catch my take. I'm used to girls. They are all I know, they are what I'm used to. All the baby stuff I saved is... you guessed it - PINK! When you have three girls already, that poor little guy never stands a chance! Older sisters trying to dress him like a girl, making him play with girl toys. Just ask my brother about that. And I will also admit, boys tend to drive me batty. Not because I dislike boys; but because I'm not around them as often. My nephews... I love them.. but I'm glad when they go home to their mom LOL. They are noisy, loud, rough and tumble. They are either pretending to shoot someone, being shot, exploding something, or being exploded. They bring interesting items into the house that have no reason being in the house LOL. That's just not something I'm used to. True the trade-off is four girls having PMS in the teen years. I'll be on valium and my husband will have reloated himself to a poker shack in the swamp. So it's not like I'm getting off un-scathed here. I'm sure had she BEEN a boy, things would have been fine and I would have been estatic! I would have bought some Tonka trucks or something, and all would've been A-OK.
This being said... I have to admit that some of the responses I have received are a little insulting. People telling me that they were crossing their fingers for me that she was a boy. Or that maybe I could have another baby, and try for a boy. Can I just make one thing clear? I wasn't TRYING for a boy. I was trying for a baby for the better part of 1 1/2 years. I personally think people try to get pregnant with one gender on their agenda are doing it for the wrong reasons. You get what you get; and if you are disappointed that you didn't get what you were hoping for... well you're a damn fool. Take it from me: there are so many couples out there that would give their eye teeth just to have the chance to have a baby. All I've ever wanted out of this pregnancy is a healthy, happy baby. Whether it came home wrapped up in a pink or blue blanket was of no consequence to me. One family member (who shall remain nameless as to avoid embarrassing them completely), actually said once we said we were having a girl, "Oh that's nice.... so what's your weather like?" Curb your enthusiuasm seriously.
I think it's hillarious that people quip the family with one boy/one girl as the "Millionaires Family". I think anyone blessed to have children have won the jackpot. My girls are definately worth their weight in gold. So until February, I'm going to bask in the pink light of this little wonder. I can't wait to meet her!! It is definately going to be an adventure to see how she changes the dynamic of our family!
Imagine my disgust when I had this quote from Dennis Leary pop up in front of me on my computer this afternoon. Apparently he thinks he is well-educated and informed about Autism, as he had this moronic thing to say about the Autism crisis...
"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks . . . to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."
Of course I do have something to say in regards to his statement:
Dear Mr. Leary,
Your complete lack of scruples and intelligence would imply that YOU are the one that is just plain stupid, lazy or both. Stupid for saying that inattentive mothers are the reason why children are being diagnosed with Autism. Lazy for not educating yourself on the realities of Autism. And both for the obvious reasons previously stated.
To make such a broad, ridiculous statement only shows that you are nothing more than another uneducated, loud-mouthed, ignorant jack-ass this world doesn't need. Your over-generalization of the trials a parent with an autistic child goes through is nothing short of insulting. You think this crisis is just something we are making up in our heads? You try living a day in my shoes, and then have the balls to tell me to my face that this isn't real and isn't something thousands upon thousands of people are living with every day.
Don't YOU ever tell me the reason my child is diagnosed with Autism is because I'm lazy, or just looking for a label to blame all my child's problems on. YOU weren't there when she lost her speech at the age of 16 months. YOU weren't there when she withdrew into herself. YOU weren't there to experience my child incapable of interacting with her sisters and parents because of a disorder that is REAL and ripped our hearts in two. YOU weren't there through years and years of intensive therapies trying to help my child. Where the hell do you get off minimizing the pain and the hurt that parents go through every day when they hear that their child has a disability they will have to fight against every single day? Children who have to fight against ignorance likes yours, because you are minimizing something that is real, and they have to live with every single day?
YOU are the reason there is so much ignorance is society about Autism. PEOPLE LIKE YOU are the reason that parents have to fight for their children every day to be treated like equals. Children with Autism are NOT dummies, morons, or anything else you so eloquently described. The fact that you aren't even educated in Autism or anything relatively close to it is laughable. You are so full of yourself that you can honestly think you can un-diagnose children living with Autism? The fact that you think you are an authority on the subject tells me the only one here with mental problems is YOU!
Do humanity a favor and stick to acting. Pretending to be someone you aren't is a lot better than you opening your mouth and showing us who you really are.
I am now officially at my mid-point in this pregnancy, which is 19 weeks. For me, this is mid-point as I'm going to have a repeat scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. I've had two previous. The first one was with the twins (which wasn't something we planned). They were both head down and Kierra was engaged. Apparently my cervix doesn't like to dilate past 8 cm's at any given time. Even when you are 38 weeks pregnant... with twins... and being induced. I won't complain I guess since I was so afraid of pre-term labor with them. I guess my cervix doesn't like to let them out. There are worse things in the world. Like going through 38+ hours of induced labor only to have a c-section I could have scheduled as elective in the first place and saved myself the hassle of the whole ordeal. That being said, I had beautiful twin girls that tipped the scales at 13 lbs together!! Healthy babies!
Karis was elective as well to a point. I was planning on trying to Vbac until I felt that there was something not sitting right with me. Call it mother's intuition, that nagging feeling that something bad was going to happen. I finally opted for the elective repeat c-section, and gave birth to a 7lb'er at 38 weeks. Not only was it a good decision, it may have saved me and the baby as my c-section scar on my uterus was alarmingly thin. My doctor told me the c-section was definitely the way to go, because I was a prime candidate for a uterine rupture (something you love to hear as they dig around in your uterus). Apparently having twins and then another 19 months apart isn't a good idea. Therefore I was instructed that any further babies I should have, should wait for at least 2 years, and that there was only one more pregnancy allowed. This was fine by me... three babies under the age of 19 months was more than I needed at the time!
So here we are again. I have never really sat and worried about c-sections. The first time I had like 20 minutes to wrap my head around it. It was "you need a c-section" to pulling out two babies. Karis I felt okay about, and didn't fret until the night before. Funny story: I crawled into bed with my mom, who had come down for the occasion, at around 4am. She asked me what was wrong, and I said I was nervous. We had to be up by 5am and at the hospital by 6am. She sleepily went to rub my belly, and instead started to rub my right boob. I said "Um mom, I love you but not that much"... and we both started to laugh our asses off. So yes I was nervous but never really dwelled on it. Maybe I was too busy with the twins as well. Well my sister recently had a baby via c-section and has nicely gone on and on about how crappy it was (it was her 4th baby/3rd section). Proceeded to tell me this was the worst one for pain. So now I'm thinking about it. And I still have 19 weeks left!! How crappy is that?
I'm mostly worried about my chronic puking condition I seem to get during c-sections. The twins I had severe vertigo and vomiting for about 2 days. With Karis I was fine until they wheeled me into recovery, and then I proceeded to vomit for about 16 hours. Not too fun especially when you haven't eaten anything for over 12 hours before the surgery, and you are just dry-heaving bile. So I worry about that. And let's face it: no one likes to be sliced open, even if it's for a cute little baby!
So I basically would LOVE to hear any antidotes about how repeat c-sections any of you may have had went better than the ones before. Seriously now, let's share!! Don't plague me with sagas though of how shitty yours was. While I'd love to hear about it at a later time... not so much right now!
I am not one of those people that can patiently wait until they day they give birth to find out whether they are having a boy or a girl. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not me!! I am way too nosey and need to plan ahead for everything. Surprises and me do not jive in the least. Maybe it makes me a bit of a control freak.
I've been told I'm ruining one of the best surprises of my life. My theory on that is why do I need to have a human being ripped out of my gut the same day I find out, in order for it to be the total surprise? I mean it's a surprise no matter WHEN you find out what you are having. And considering my history of profuse vomiting for hours on end after I have a kid, I'd like to actually bask in the happy news of what I'm having... rather than trying to apply pressure to the staples in my stomach with a pillow as I dry heave for the 200th time. Which, by the way, I'm going to try to avoid this time. However, I'm not going to hold out too much hope considering my track record. I think I just puke any time something is stuck into my spine (ie: epidural/spinal). Let's hope this anethiseologist knows something about upset stomachs.
Anyways, I find it very hard to go shopping lately without wanting to peruse the baby section. I'm drawn to tiny jammies, bibs, sockies... you name it. And I'm not one that wants to buy gender neutral things. I want pink or blue! I want boyish or girlish!!! My infatuation is growing so bad I actually bought two sleepers for newborns. One was blue with puppies in planes, and the other was pink with bunnies. I made sure that I could bring back one, which I can. I just feel satisfied to have something. I keep looking at crib bedding and wishing I could buy something and get moving. Again, I don't want a gender neutral nursery. So I lie in wait. What makes it worse is that I'm now eligible to have my ultrasound done, so technically I could find out what I'm having. However I opted to schedule the ultrasound for 22 weeks, which is the day of our 10 year wedding anniversary. At the time it sounded so neat to do it this way. Now I'm just chomping at the bit. I try to remind myself that Karis' ultrasound was done around 18 weeks and the technician couldn't verify what it was. I was SO pissed!! It wasn't until around 32 weeks that we found out in a trip to the ER.
Another problem is that me and the hubby have identified with this baby already... as being a girl. I don't know why I can't shake the girl vibe. Neither can he. We refer to my tummy as "her". We are only thinking about girl names. I will feel really bad for this kid if it is a boy and we've been calling it a she all this time. Nevermind that, but I think that it will be a shock and take some time getting used to, if indeed it is a boy. But even my mom is referring to it as a girl. She spent 15 minutes on the phone suggesting girl names. This baby is just radiating femininity I guess!!!
The only one really hoping for a boy (other than my mother-in-law), is Kierra. She would like a brother. The other two are adamant that they have a sister. They think boys are yucky. I tell them that they will love him if he's a boy. And honesty, we would be happy either way. I think we are influenced mostly by our track record. 3/3 kids so far are girls. I am so inclined to say Jarrett's sperm are predominately the X chromosome carriers. Of course I could be totally off on this one too.... which makes me want to know even more!
So I will continue to be obsessed with the mystery baby in my womb until such time I find out. Let's hope that this technician knows what an innie from an outie is, and that this baby is a show boater in there!! Because I think if they are unable to tell me, I'll drive everyone, including myself completely crazy!
Just a quick note about my pregnancy before I get into my topic: I'm feeling the baby really thumping in there (although no formal "kick"). It's hilarious how it just amazes me like it was the first time ever I felt a baby inside me move about. I'm waiting for my boot though - and I know hubby can't wait to feel this kiddo shimmy and shake! Oh - and I already got a referral to a REAL OBGYN! That was quick! They are supposed to call me this week to set up a date to come see him. So I guess the other doctor decided it was better for me to see this other guy instead. Whatever... as long as there is someone with a scalpel in February!
So lately I've been really into watching these paranormal shows. Like "Paranormal State" and "Haunting". I don't know why - but as much as these shows totally creep me out, I still love them!!! Not to mention all the creepy dreams I've been having lately. Like the other night I dreamt that vampires were trying to convert all the children at school!! I'm sure it has something to do with me watching these shows. That and Jarrett thinks it's hilarious when I start yelling "Why would he summon that????" and "Oh man I wouldn't live in THAT house!" But it gets me thinking about whether we all have some sort of ability to channel spirits? Not that I want to put theory to the test but I think on some level, we are all probably able to do this. I mean we use only a fraction of our brain's potential, so who would be so bold as to say what the under-utilized part is capable of? I'm not saying every person out there claiming to be a medium is real (a lot of people are out to make a buck in any shape or form), but you have to truly wonder about those that can nail things about people they've never met? How can it all just be a sheer coincidence?
Of course there are the nay sayers that don't believe in the paranormal, because they don't believe in the afterlife. Or they believe you go to Heaven or Hell... no one floats in between somewhere. But I still wonder... what if a spirit had unresolved issues and refused to pass on, or was unable to pass on? I mean what can we REALLY know about what happens after we die? I'm not talking about those people with the near-death experiences who say they saw a white light and their life flashed before their eyes. I'm just saying, how can we truly know what happens, or to what degree?
Personally I think there is more to life after death. I wouldn't be so bold as to say what I think happens to us. I mean I guess that would largely depend on our religious/spiritual beliefs, and what kind of person we were on Earth. And while I'm intrigued about the possibility that some individuals may communicate with people beyond the grave, I'm not going to start having seances or anything. I think toying with something that we can't begin to understand is just asking for trouble. And honestly, if I were ever in a situation where I thought I was in an exchange with something supernatural - I'd be high-tailing it out of there! But I can't help but wonder about the "what ifs" of the life/death paradigm.
What are your thoughts?
I'm now in the midst of my 16th week - and I think I've lost about 16% of my brain capacity. I can hardly formulate a sentence without looking like a complete idiot. Yup you guessed it... I have preggy brain!! Those who have experienced this know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. The lack of concentration, the inability to recall information (like when I was asked for my postal code and for the life of me, couldn't remember it). Or names... God forbid anyone who introduces themself to me. I just sit there thinking "Oh I won't remember who you are until some time next year you poor sap!" It's an actual REAL phenomenon for those of you unaware. Your brain actually SHRINKS during pregnancy. Must be the hormone thing I guess. Your brain shrinks and your ass widens. Seems like a fair trade off. I know my husband doesn't mind other assets of my pregnancy. Namely my illustrious bosom. Can't blame him - they are pretty spectacular. Too bad they hurt so much all the time.
As in any pregnancy, I had my first OB visit (I should clarify and say it wasn't the first time I saw a doctor; it was just until now I was seeing my family practitioner who kept making me pee on pregnancy tests and asking why I thought I was pregnant). See... there is a reason why he doesn't care for maternity patients. Nevertheless... where I live (Canada), or should I clarify WHERE I live (Alberta), there is a very uneven ratio of pregnant women to OB's. Like for every 100 pregnant women, there is 1 OB. Therefore you see doctors that practice maternal medicine, who aren't TECHNICALLY OBGYN's, but do delivery babies vaginally. As such, I'm considered low-risk and don't warrant the high-risk OBGYNS. Unless my baby has two heads, I'm going to the maternity clinic like all the other knocked up ladies.
So I FINALLY get my referral from crazy pregnancy-test GP to this nice clinic they just opened about five months ago. I meet the doctor's nurse, who is super sweet! Just the kind of person you feel instantly at ease with. We talk a few minutes and I casually mention I'll require a c-section because of my prior births. She looks at me and says, "Well you shouldn't have been referred here, you should have been directly referred to the high-risk clinic at the hospital with the actual OBGYN". *Sigh* - and then she tells me that they don't even take care of mandatory c-section patients. She excuses herself to talk to the doctor quickly, to see if he'll even see me. GREAT! I'm 16 weeks pregnant and no one wants to take care of me and my baby! She comes back in, and says Dr. B feels badly I've been run around the city and between people, and that he'd like to personally take me on as his patient until I'm 36 weeks, and he'll book me directly for the c-section and take care of the consultation with the surgeon for me!! WELL THAT'S BETTER! We pre-booked all my appointments with him until the end of January.
So feeling pretty special the nurse asks me to lift up my top so we can listen to the baby's heartbeat. I haven't heard it yet, so I happily whip out my belly for a listen. She tries for 10 minutes to find it, and can't. By that time I'm feeling a little worried. She's pretty quiet and I know what she's thinking "Where the heck are you?" She says she'll let Dr. B take a looksie (I hate when people say that; it's just their way of downplaying a potentially serious situation), and hopefully he'll find it. She leaves for about 5 minutes and he comes in all smiles. Says he heard the nurse couldn't find baby, and that sometimes that happens, but in some cases, the baby has died. GREAT!! Of course I was worrying the same thing, and he asks me if I felt it moving. I said I thought I had actually, but now I'm second-guessing fetal movement being gas. He said if he can't find it, I'll have to have a stat ultrasound to see if the baby is still viable. By this time I'm almost ready to burst into tears, fully anticipating he won't find the baby. He plops his Doppler down and IMMEDIATELY I hear the comforting "woosh woosh" of this little baby who was so shy 15 minutes earlier! I think I yelled "THERE YOU ARE!"... almost adding "you little shit!" It was in the 150's, and sounding great!! Once that was over with, he said I was looking good weight and blood pressure wise, and he'd see me in October!!
Now I know a lot of people have had the same experience where they had a baby that was shy and hiding about, not making it easy to hear the heartbeat. I don't think there is anyone that is rational though when this happens. I think we ALL fear the worst possible scenario. Thank God mine didn't come to fruition. But I will admit to anyone reading that when the nurse first left to get the doctor, I prayed to God that this baby was fine, and the doctor would be able to find the heartbeat right away. Isn't that what we do for any of our children though? Ask God for those little miracles all along the way? And I know that not all prayers are answered. But I'm thankful that He saw fit to answer that one.
I know I'm going to have a lot more of these little experiences before I meet this little one. I'll be praying that the AFP/triple screen comes out negative. I'll be praying that the ultrasound in October shows a healthy, wonderful baby. I'll be praying that the GD test comes back negative. I'll be praying like crazy before the c-section. It's a wonder that I'll get to enjoy any of this pregnancy the way I fret like a complete neurotic. And the funniest part is when you hold that baby in your arms, all the worries and the prayers are worth it. And you are just thankful to finally be in that moment. Months of morning sickness, forgetfulness, constipation, braxton hicks, worrying.... it all boils down to one single moment. And isn't it worth it?
