Monday, November 26, 2007

BLACK-EYED BLUES

No, I didn't get punched in the face as the title of this posting would suggest. It's Kierra (again). And no, she didn't get punched in the face either. However, she is sporting two huge allergy shinners again. Sigh....

Friday, I had just gotten home from dropping the twins off at school, and I get a call from the main office that Kierra threw up and I needed to come pick her up. I thought "great!" and told them they might as well pull Jenna out too, since I'm not going to drive back and forth all afternoon for children. I get to the school, and Kierra and Jenna are sitting there, and the teacher explains that Kierra just got up, walked over to the waste basket and threw up. Now, I think they should be very grateful. Most kids would just start to bawl, and throw up on that crummy rug they have on the kindy floor. Not my kid - she knows you need some sort of receptacle if you are going to blow chunks. So I look her over (brought extra clothes just in case), and we booted it on home.

We get home and she's chirpy as ever... no signs of being sick. However, I DO notice that her eyes are a little puffy and red looking. Almost swollen. I figure she's tired. She eats, keeps it down... and I lament because I basically pulled her out of school for nothing. But oh well - it was the responsible thing to do. WELL the next morning I get her up and her eyes are extremely swollen and puffy, the underlids especially, and just purple-red! I kinda freaked out and woke up poor hubby (Saturday is his sleep-in day), and told him to look at Kierra's eyes! She honestly looked like someone put on make-up on her to make her look like a zombie!! So of course I call our doctor's office, who is actually open on Saturdays. They are only taking walk-in's but we convince them to put us first on the list.

I get her over there and the doctor looks at her and is shocked with how badly her eyes look. He says it's an allergy of some sort, and prescribes these allergy relief drops. This is all he can really prescribe he tells me, and if it gets worse, Kierra will have to get a referral to see a pediatric optomologist to get these steroid drops. GREAT! After I leave, I go to three different pharmacies trying to find these drops... no one has them in stock. I go home and phone around and finally find someone who carries them (no small feat there).

The worst part is Kierra looks horrible! I hate to admit it but it's almost embarrassing taking her out anywhere! She looks like a child who is either abused or has a very bad illness. Her eyes are so puffy underneath that there are three folds in her lowerlids. Plus she keeps rubbing them and making them worse.

The thing is I have no clue what started this. She had this three weeks ago after her flu shot, but I thought it was a reaction from the shot since she also got hives on her face. Now I'm wondering if it's not something more going on with her. I know for a fact she didn't eat anything she shouldn't. So it's a mystery. Our family doctor is back at the end of the month, so I'm taking her back on the 5th of December. Until I get to put drops in her eyes four times a day (yeah you do this with an autistic kid), and hope they clear up soon.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

PERTAINING TO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT....

Well now I've done it - I've gotten all Christmassy. Is that even a word? Christmassy? Well if not, it should be. It is the epitome of explaining the getting into the spirit of the season. Funny part was, I was trying VERY hard to put that off, for the sake of not looking like one of those lunatics that get their house decorated too early.

But alas, I failed once again.

It started off innocently as I decided to start making my Christmas cookies. My reasoning was I am having a dinner on December 8, a party on December 15, and my family is coming to our house for Christmas! I need A LOT of cookies, and also I need to off-set the ones I'm secretly stuffing into my mouth when no one is looking. My bad!!! So I made some sugar cookies, some shortbread, pecan balls and some almond balls.... and realized A) I have a long way to go and B) the smell of making these cookies is making me feel ill. I had to take a break from them.

So then I thought, why not get out my winter wonderland village and set it up? I mean it's innocent enough. I got all my houses, shoppes and what not out, set them up on the top of the piano. Got the little figures and realized there must've been a crime spree in winterwonderland's box this summer, because most of them were missing heads and limbs. It was a regular storage container massacre. The only one really left intact was the Priest.... kinda scared of him now!!! I went out and bought some new people. Good to have an integrated town ya know. So I got it all set up, plugged in the 100 lights it requires... and now Kierra rearranges the people. For some reason the Priest keeps ending up in the Blacksmith's shop. LOL it's a little funny but even so.

After that, I nagged my poor husband about outside decorations. I nag I tell you - I nag!!! I went and bought some outdoor snowflakes that light up, and one of those inflatable penguins. I initially got the light nets on the trees, set up the snowflakes. Then Jarrett put up the rest. This included 12 candy canes that light up in the flower bed, lights around the garage... and the projector I haven't seen since we moved from Michigan 3 years ago!! So he gets it all set up! I'm delighted!!! Usually have to pull off the man's arm to do it. We go out for dinner, come home... and the projector slide is not only upside down, but badly out of focus. We laugh, fix it and now we are officially the gaudiest family in our cul de sac. Not to mention our neighbors are Jewish... LOL. Good thing they like us.

And............ ashamed to admit it but been buying a lot of blue and silver ornaments to decorate the "mommy tree". This refers to the purely aesthetic mommy tree that is strictly for my amusement! It is only things mommy likes. The other tree is all the ornaments you are forced to put on the tree. And I even got a blue tree skirt.

So let's here it you closet decorators... who else has been getting into the swing of Christmassy?

Friday, November 16, 2007

A GRINDING HALT

Yesterday I had a dental appointment, for the usual: cleaning, check-up, polishing and verbal flogging for not flossing my teeth 18 times a day. I know I may catch some flak here from a lovely friend of mine, who just happens to be a dental hygienist (ya ya, you heard me... 18 times a day!). ANYWAYS, everything was wonderful. Teeth looked good, I got a pink toothbrush (LOL).... and then the dentist came in to do a look-over.

And he delightfully told me that I'm grinding my teeth down too much (which I knew, I'm a habitual grinder). I told him last time I came in, I got fitted for a mouth guard (which I hate by the way). He told me that doesn't stop the grinding problem, which I agreed since my guard is almost ground through. Apparently I have lost 5 mm of teeth! Now, in retrospect, that may not sound like a lot. Apparently it is a lot. Not to mention I have a SEVERE overbite. In fact, if it was any worse, my top teeth would be jaunting out of my chin. Again, they mention that I should really get a splint for my mouth, to help correct my overbite and my jaw. Last time I was in, it was $1,500.00. This time, it's $2,500.00! Shit!!!

The reason it went up a cool grand was because they got a new computer program that does your dental and facial mapping. It assesses where things are now, where they should be, and how to get from Jaw A to Jaw B. This is where the splint would come it. It would force my jaw open. He then tells me it will make me look younger. HUH? Dude I just turned 32!!!! Sensing I was not impressed, he then goes on to tell me if I don't fix this, I'm going to grind to the point of cracking my teeth, loosening them, and eventually needing dentures. He said not a problem now, but think in 10-20 years. Do I really want to be gumming creamed corn out of a can?????
On top of it all, eventually I will have to have composite added to my rear teeth to build them back up again, and even.... SHUDDER... braces!

This brings me to my next point... why the hell didn't my parents get this figured out and fixed when I was a kid??? Would've been a lot easier and actually covered by their dental plan. Now that I'm some old bat with an overlapped jawline (LOL sorry but I'm bitching about that), my insurance considers it "elective". OK, so let me get this... they can pay for this now OR they can pay for me having all my teeth fall out and getting replacements? Makes sense to me!

Until then, I suppose I'll just keep up with my daily grind. Irony is Karis is a night grinder too (she sounds like she's grinding concrete). I'll be sure to bring this up at her check-up next month so she's not 32 one day and wondering why the hell she's dealing with such a mess.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

TIS THE SEASON.... FOR RECALLS

Hear that? It's a collective sigh of confused parents in the toy section of department stores. Why? Because they are all probably wondering what I am wondering - what the hell is safe to buy for your kid these days? Parents in stores are holding toys at arm's length as if they are about to spontaneously combust. I don't blame them - there is a strong possibility it might happen.

In light of the massive recalls over the past year, you really have to wonder these days just what we are buying for our kids. What may seem safe at the moment could be apart of another nation-wide recall in a few months time. It's not only confusing but aggravating as hell. And actually, disturbing. Why does the problem only seem to worsen?

It's because of two reasons in my opinion:

A) Big toy conglomerates are too damn cheap to ensure the quality and safety control of their products BEFORE they hit the shelves. They are looking for cheap labor, and bigger overhead. If they think putting out a re-call after the fact is saving face, they are really missing the point here. Why are they still having their products made in Chinese factories that are having repeated problems with recalls? I mean hell, even the main dude at the factory in China hung himself. Easy out if you ask me. Rather than owning up and trying to look for a solution, he checks out. I think a better solution would have been to throw lead-based Dora the Explorer figures at him until he begged for mercy.I would rather see these toy companies putting new policy in place and making sure their factories and manufacturing products that are safe from the start. I'm not sure who, in their right mind thinks it's ok to put lead in a child's toy. Probably the same people who want to save a few measly bucks.

B) The Government hasn't stepped in yet. I mean seriously... it's pretty obvious the manufacturer's aren't doing shit about the problem. In case you haven't heard about last week's AquaDots controversy where a 20 month old boy was in a six hour coma from ingesting some of them. Why on earth would you have a chemical on them that could stop respiratory functioning? Do they not get kids put a lot of junk into their mouths? The Government needs to step in and take care of this problem. They need to ensure that products imported into our country are safe for the consumer. I mean we have all these agencies that are supposed to protect us. When are they going to do something to protect the kids?

Funny things to consider: do you think any of the people in management at Mattel or likewise are giving any of their own products to their kids this Christmas? Makes you wonder hmmmm? I had to laugh when they wanted to give out coupons for tainted toys, to buy what? MORE of their products. Yeah that's exactly what I want... to trade down for more of their poisoned crap. And how long before the consumer just says "enough already" and just stops buying their products altogether? I mean I'm sure the head honchos in these big companies aren't too worried... because they aren't really doing too much at this point. A few million dollar lawsuits isn't going to cause them financial ruin. They are heading a multi-billion dollar industry. And what do retailers do to help the problem? Toys R Us is having these huge blow-out sales all over the country to try to get the consumer in the stores. I find it hard to trust myself to buy something just because it's half-off. I mean what good does it do if I'm yanking it from my kids two weeks later? And why do I have to be bothered to log onto their website, wait for them to send me a pre-paid postage label and return the product under their own time limit? I'd rather just take it back to the store. But the retailers wash their hands of it. They don't care that THEY sold it to me. They were more than happy to take my money, but now that I demand it back, they tell me it's not their problem. I beg to differ. These are products that you are peddling to the consumer. If they don't get that they are in this problem, they are even dumber than I thought.

I know parents that already had to take some presents back to the stores because they were on the latest recall hit-list. How do you explain to your son that sorry, you can't have that toy because it's dangerous and could kill you? All I have to say is I really wish there was a Santa Claus at this point. I hardly doubt he'd have his elves painting rosy faces on baby dolls with lead paint or stuffing them with asbestos. Good old St. Nick wouldn't be shimmying down the chimney with Polly Pockets that exploded or G.I. Joes that caused cancer.

So short of learning how to whittle - I guess I'm stuck buying what I can deem "safe" for my children's Christmas and pray that the girls actually get to KEEP what Santa brings them this year. And if not, not to worry - the companies will surely do their part in "protecting the consumer" by issuing yet another mundane recall.

Monday, November 12, 2007

WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUTLANDISH?

Yesterday I went shopping with my friend A. Her husband has backlogged in gifts owing to his wife, so he made the generous decision to give her $5,000.00 to go spend in a way she sees fit. I got to come along for the ride. Let me tell you something, it is truly amazing the creatures you find in those really expensive stores!!

We went to Holt Renfrew (to you Canadian's, you know this to be a high class store). She had her eye on this lovely Tiffany bangle, which she ultimately bought. But the funny part was watching the OTHER shoppers. While at the Tiffany counter, this woman in her mid-30's comes in with her husband, and her probably six carats total of diamonds adorning her. She asks to see the platinum baby rattle "for a friend," which by the way, total waste of money even if it's considered status. Sure it might be a keepsake, but I over-heard her say it was a boy, and what boy wants a platinum rattle? Not to mention A) he'll never be able to touch it, and B) could knock himself out with the thing. I actually started to laugh out loud at how ridiculous she was. I mean she truly was flaunting herself and her apparent money. I felt like telling her not to try so hard. And as we went through the rest of the store, I kept seeing more and more of this.

Women trying on Prada boots that were over a thousand dollars, some of which were hideous but because they were Prada, they'd buy them anyways. A Dolce & Gabanna dress that was made of feathers (I shit you not, it was probably Big Bird's wet dream come true). Not to mention this sweater vest that looked like it was made of an Airedale terrier's fur! When A looked at it, I said, "You aren't buying that, unless you are planning on getting groomed once a week!" and then looked over to see the lady working behind the counter wearing the SAME VEST!! LOL - ok sorry but seriously. It had to be said.

The piece de resistance was this black, ugly-ass Chanel sweater we saw. It had these HUGE ugly knitted flowers all over it. Some bigger than my fist. It was truly retched and I couldn't help but looked at the price tag... ready? $3,000.00!!! OK who in their right mind buys a sweater for $3,000.00? Not to mention quite possibly the world's tackiest sweater on earth? I'm sure there is some wealthy woman out there who would think it's a steal. I'd think anyone who would buy it had their sanity stolen instead!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a total witch. I don't think all people who can afford nice things are full of themselves. I mean I'd be a total liar if I didn't say I didn't admire the Louis Vuitton purses (cause I have a slight fetish with them), or eye up a really nice coat. But the point being, I don't NEED these things to validate myself. I mean the same sweater by some fancy pants designer costs $400.00, or I can go to Old Navy and buy the EXACT SAME SWEATER for $40.00. The only difference is the label (and who announces what they are wearing unless you are on the red carpet?).

But all in all, I will say it was an interesting experience. Especially when the store's server went down and no one could use their platinum cards LOL!! Christmas shopping season and no one can use their plastic!!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

THIS REALLY BURNS ME

Disclaimer: The opinions you are about to read are of the author's, and shouldn't be misinterpreted as a slander against all contracting jobs. It's just the author's expressed opinion that they are a bunch of rip-off artists.

That being said!

We have had an on-going problem with one of our furnaces. We have two - the main one heats the basement and main floor levels. The other one is in charge of heating the upstairs where all the bedrooms are at. The upstairs one hasn't really been pulling it's weight. In fact - it doesn't work period. It would start up, the fan would run and then it would shut down. So no hot air at night. If you didn't live in the Rocky Mountains of Canada, this may not pose a problem for you. If you do, however, it is. Jarrett first decided it was the flame sensor and that it needed to be cleaned (logical). He cleans it up, puts it back in and still - the same problem.

He goes out and buys a new flame sensor (which the part's guy told him is compatible with our furnace). Jarrett installs it, and alas this doesn't work either. After much of my constant bitching, he calls a furnace repair place. They send someone out who declares it's the wrong type of sensor, but unfortunately repair guy doesn't have one. He'll be back in two days with the part he needs.

Two days later, repair guy comes back. He fiddles with things, installs a new sensor and tells me that the ignitor is also shot (our furnace is five years old). Now if I knew anything about furnaces, I might of been suspicious. But let's be honest, all I know about furnaces is that they keep us from freezing. I'm not supporting "stupid house wife" persona here, but I'm not pretending to know more than I do. So I get the bill, which includes the two new parts, maintenance on both furnaces, labor and also this wireless thermostat Jarrett wanted. Bill comes to just under 1000 clams. I sign it and off the guy goes (you know it doesn't end here).

So Jarrett calls, I tell him how much and he pratcially gives birth. First off, the guy was only here for 1 hour and 15 minutes, which Jarrett says is impossible. He couldn't have fixed the problem and cleaned and serviced both furnaces in that time. Plus the wireless thermostat was $50.00 more than he was quoted. And he's asking why we needed a new ignitor. Dude I don't know!!!!! So he comes home after work, and goes to the furnace room with his trusty flashlight and declares "He didn't even clean the furnace!" All he did was wipe the inside off with a rag. The fan is still covered in crud. He didn't install the ignitor properly, because he only used one of two screws, and the one side was lifted up from the surface. And to top it off, the furnace still wasn't working!!!!!!!

OK you know, I figured that guy had it working. Yes I realize that I should've made sure but who comes into your house for over an hour and does absolutely nothing? Jarrett calls the company and pitches the hugest fit. The ignitor was only really $50.00, but they charged us $250.00 (the guy said it was standard mark-up - holy shit we are in the wrong business then!). Jarrett told him there was no way he did maintenance on the furnace (which apparently the technician ADMITTED!). So they offer to send out yet another person to come look at the problem. We were hesitant to let them even in our house again... but we figured let's just get it figured out.

So the new guy comes and tells us (after doing a simple test) that the original flame sensor works fine, and the original ignitor works fine as well. Those are the problems, it's the gas valve. SIGH!!! The gas valve is $600.00 (I'm sure it's only really $20.00 but anyways). He installs the gas valve and PRESTO furnace is working. They tell us to keep the spare parts (no charge), and refunds us the money for the non-maintenance. In the end it balances out.

End of story.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Jarrett decided he'll install the wireless thermostat himself. He spend nearly 2 hours getting it all done, and it doesn't work. Seriously. He's majorly flipping, takes it off, puts the old one back on, which works fine. So they sold us a part (again) for $300.00 that is useless. Call them back AGAIN and tell them they are fracking idiots!!! Come get your piece of shit parts, we are going to VISA to dispute all charges now, and reporting them to the BBB. This is just insane. The funniest part? They asked if we still wanted them to do maintenance on the furnaces!!!!

ARE THEY ON CRACK? First off, they are total rip-off artists! Over charged us, didn't do the work, and apparently don't even know what they are doing. I probably could've done just a good a job "repairing" it as them!!! I mean granted, I have heat now and I'm not curled up in the freezing fetal position in my bed. LOL actually I was wearing my bathrobe to bed (yeah that's sexually inviting to the hubby). Actually when you are that cold, the last thing you want to do is let any part of you get naked even if your husband says you can keep your three layers of shirts on. Yah pass buddy. But I have decided where I live in particular, tradespeople have really lost their way. They have come to a City where the cost of living has skyrocketed, and so they A) charge an arm and a leg, and B) don't give a shit about the quality of their work. All they care about is getting the most money for the least effort. Jackasses.

Anyways, hopefully the furnace is truly fixed for good. If not, you'll be treated to another sob story about it I'm sure. Think warm, fuzzy thoughts!

Friday, November 02, 2007

STRESS RELIEF - AH THE RELIEF!

I think of myself as a tense person. OK, OK.... a VERY tense person. I think you could use my muscles as violin strings. I like to put my problems or negative thoughts on the back burner to simmer in the cauldron of my own woes. It just seems easier. However, when the pot boils over, and then you are trying to clean up the mess - I think you get yourself to a worse point then you would've been if you just dealt with all the crap to begin with. It's like trying to scrub the crud off of a glass top stove. The longer you leave it there, the more work it takes to clean it all up.

In the last while, I've noticed that I've been getting a lot of muscle twinges/spasms. I know it's because I have all this pent up stress that I never let out. I'm guessing since I've left it so long, my body is trying to find ways to release it. Short of slapping one's self in the head subconsciously (that might hurt), your body often takes it's own measures to keep the pot from boiling over.

So to combat my habitual "I'll deal with it later problem" I decided to try one of those self-hypnosis relaxation exercises. I've actually done one before when I was just out of college. My roommate had one and suggested after exams were over, that we lay on the floor and try it out. I didn't think I was the suggestible type, and found out 40 minutes later I indeed was. The best part was, I totally felt mellowed out. So I scoured the Internet in search of one, and found it!! I could actually just buy it and download it to my MP3 player. I thought, "Great!" - and as I said, so I thought. When I tried to download it, my computer froze, I had to re-boot it and I lost the entire file. Oooops! I tried to email the company who seemed to be ignoring me. For people priding themselves of helping you deal with stress, they were really adding to it! So after I dropped the twins off at school, I went to a local Chapters and found the "relaxation" section. They actually have one! I browsed the section, which included many books on the subject. I suddenly felt like this huge stress ball that everyone was looking at - the unbalanced lady crouching among the PPD and Anxiety Disorder books. And to my right, I spy some CD's - exactly what I'm looking for!

I don't know about you, but when you talk about hypnosis, I want to KNOW what the person who is going to zonk me out looks like. Call me crazy (well don't) but if the guy looks like an axe-murderer, I don't want to let him into my brain. Just seems like a safe-guard you know? Otherwise the next thing you know, I'm serving Heaven's Kool-aid at the next party I host. So after finding some pictures of happy looking, sane people - I select two. One is actually guided meditation, which I think works wonderfully as I soak in our jacuzzi tub. The other is about creating inner calm. I buy them (plus Stuart Little and Charlotte's Web because they were on sale for Christmas), and scurry on home. Get home, and see that the Internet company I thought was avoiding me, re-sent the file (ha ha ha!). Oh well.

I try out one, lay on the couch, and let loose. Believe it or not, twenty minutes later I feel refreshed, alert and really happy!!!! Not to mention I slept like a baby that whole night (I've had insomnia lately). And funny thing - not so many muscle ticks anymore either. It's amazing the power of the brain.

So if any of you is really wired or just plain wacky with tension lately, I really suggest trying this. I mean it's not for everyone, and not everyone is the suggestible type - but you can't really argue with feeling laid back and mellow can you?

Thursday, November 01, 2007


Can you believe it's already November 1st? Where did the last 10 months go? It's all a sea of oblivion.

So yesterday was Halloween (which I'm sure you already knew) - and I got my little goblins all dressed up ready to go trick-or-treating. This was probably the first year that Kierra willingly went. Usually there is a huge fuss and muss about the whole thing. I think the fact that Daylight Savings has changed helped - we usually are going out and it's already dark. Now, going at 6pm you still have an hour left of daylight.

Our theme this year was the jungle. Highly appropriate if you ask me, because there are days that I feel like I live in a zoo of wild animals. Karis went as a monkey, Jenna as a lion and Kierra as a zebra. Jenna kept asking me what lions ate. When I told her she looked at Kierra and said, "Don't worry, I promise not to eat you". Ahhhh sisterly love!!! Me and the Mister took them out and they had a blast!!! We did probably the equivalent to one block of trick-or-treating (minus the deadbeats that turned off their lights and pretended they weren't home so they didn't have to buy candy). It was cute to watch them eagerly wait for doors to open, comments of "oh you are so cute!" and then greedy little eyes scanning the candy bowls. The worst was when people told them to pick what they wanted. You'd think they were deciding what wire to cut on a time bomb. Of course, me having a Halloween brain fart - I didn't think to bring along a spare grocery bag to empty their treat buckets. In all honesty who would expect three little kids to get THAT much candy? I had pocketsful of candy to empty when we got home - mostly because Kierra was running and flailing her bucket around so candy was shooting out all over the place. Jarrett said she looked like a slot machine that was paying out. Much to the dismay of the trick-or-treaters behind us - I made sure to pick up every single piece.

We only stayed out 45 minutes. Really that was more than enough. I let them choose the two token pieces to eat (am I cheap? My kids thought so!), and sorted and checked it all out. Sad to say - I had to make a gluten/casein free bowl of candy for Kierra. We had so many candy bars I actually added them back into the giveaway bowl. We did pretty good, we only had a few candy bars left at the end of the night. I think I bought 4 boxes of candy, plus the 7 or 8 handfuls from what my kids collected to give away. At the end of the night, I was giving out fist fulls - because if I had it in my house I knew I would just end up eating it.

Now here's a subject of discussion - do you have the "aren't you too old to trick-or-treat" candy bowl? I like seeing inventive costumes as much as the next person, but there is something disturbing about kids that have facial hair coming to your door for treats. On the one hand, you'd like to tell them they are officially cut off - if you are wearing a bra or your voice is cracking, you shouldn't be going door to door looking for candy anymore. Then again, if you are looking for them to come back later and egg the hell out of your house... you may just want to have the "aren't you too old to trick-or-treat" candy bowl. The saddest treats imagineable, and more than likely leftovers from the year before. And most of those kids - I mean they aren't even trying anymore are they? I had two come to the door, and one kid had two bags. I looked at him with a sneer, and he told me "it's my friends, he's just tying his shoe". I told him to tell his friend if he wants a Milky Way he can finish tying his shoe and come to the door... which he did... wearing nothing more than a navy blue hoodie sweatshirt and a pair of designer jeans. Nice costume kid. What's worse is those girls... you know the ones I'm talking about. Their costumes must be hookers or rapper's girlfriends or something. All I know is it involves a lot of make-up and two inches of fabric. Instead of candy, I should be giving them out some full length skirts and a facecloth to wash the crap off their faces.

Well I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween and none of you were targets of pranks such as egging, toilet papering, and the lovely flaming dog crap bag. And if not just remember....

... there's always next year!