SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE LYING FRIEND
Oh I truly feel like a real mother now. Not in the 13 lbs of twins at 38 weeks gestation, 36+ hours of induced labor without epidural; ending in c-section anyways "feel like a real mother." (THAT felt more like gereatric possum hit by 18-wheeler and lived to tell about it). Not even chapped nipple breastfeeding mother whose 8 month old took off a chunk of areola with new teeth and laughed in cute baby laugh "feel like a real mother." (THAT felt like human bitter biscuit in need of antibiotics and Playtex Nurser bottles from that point on).
My darling daughter Jenna, told me her FIRST lie!!!! Oh it's a proud, proud day in our home!!! At first I didn't know whether to laugh or be shocked. She's not even 5 yet; isn't that a little young to tell a lie? I have no clue. I mean she comes from a long line of experienced liars. I, myself, told my third grade class I owned 50 cats (yes that's right 50). Imagine trying to explain where they all were when you had your birthday party and there was only one fat cat sitting in your house. (Oh and let me tell you; I had a good explanation). My teen years - I prided myself of the doosies I told. I had a boyfriend in my bedroom closet for 8 hours (not kidding); because my parents came home unexpectedly and I couldn't get him out fast enough. Now that doesn't make me the liar... the liar would be mom who KNEW he was in that closet but tormented me by letting me think she didn't. Why else would your mom come sit on your bed and all of a sudden tell you horrible stories for no reason, or insist on hanging up your clothes for you when she normally would make you do it? LOL to see you sweat of course!!! Ah we have lying genetics let me tell you.
So anyways, back to Jenna... She has this nasty habit of sucking on her shirt cuffs sometimes. She knows I hate it... she doesn't do it often. But the other day she comes upstairs after watching "Flushed Away" and the whole bottom section of her top is soaking wet. And it's all bunchy looking. I asked her what happened to her shirt. She didn't want to answer me at first. So I kept asking her, and finally she said, "Mommy, I was just watching my movie, and my imaginary friend came and did that to my shirt". LIE #1. I asked her again, and again with the imaginary friend who is really bad; did that to her shirt. LIE #2. Then I asked her did she suck on her shirt. NO mommy. LIE #3. She's seasoned already huh? Then I finally said, "Jenna did you suck on your shirt or did you get it wet using the sink?" OOOOOOHHHH now she has options; she knows I'm one to her imaginary friend being a farce. She thinks and decides the sink is a better option. So she tells me she got it wet washing her hands. LIE #4. I ask her which bathroom, she tells me the hall one. The sink is totally dry. LIE #5. So I ask her point blank, "Jenna did you suck on your shirt because I know it's not from the sink, and it's not from your imaginary friend." She tells me she doesn't want to talk about it....
LOL now if you know me (which some of you do), I quite enjoy watching a liar twist; even if they are only 4. So I told her I don't like it when she lies to me, and that she'd better come up and tell me the truth because I already KNOW the truth. Finally she cracks and tells me she sucked on her shirt and she was really sorry. SHEESH!! All that over some spit on cotton?
I find this kinda funny. I mean she was pretty ingenious to come up with a plan... and when she had to abort that one, she carefully weighed options in a way that would favor her best. Man this kid is going to be a great politician some day!!! Hopefully she doesn't tell people she has 50 cats though one day. That could prove to be a tough one to get around!!
