SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE LYING FRIEND

Oh I truly feel like a real mother now. Not in the 13 lbs of twins at 38 weeks gestation, 36+ hours of induced labor without epidural; ending in c-section anyways "feel like a real mother." (THAT felt more like gereatric possum hit by 18-wheeler and lived to tell about it). Not even chapped nipple breastfeeding mother whose 8 month old took off a chunk of areola with new teeth and laughed in cute baby laugh "feel like a real mother." (THAT felt like human bitter biscuit in need of antibiotics and Playtex Nurser bottles from that point on).

My darling daughter Jenna, told me her FIRST lie!!!! Oh it's a proud, proud day in our home!!! At first I didn't know whether to laugh or be shocked. She's not even 5 yet; isn't that a little young to tell a lie? I have no clue. I mean she comes from a long line of experienced liars. I, myself, told my third grade class I owned 50 cats (yes that's right 50). Imagine trying to explain where they all were when you had your birthday party and there was only one fat cat sitting in your house. (Oh and let me tell you; I had a good explanation). My teen years - I prided myself of the doosies I told. I had a boyfriend in my bedroom closet for 8 hours (not kidding); because my parents came home unexpectedly and I couldn't get him out fast enough. Now that doesn't make me the liar... the liar would be mom who KNEW he was in that closet but tormented me by letting me think she didn't. Why else would your mom come sit on your bed and all of a sudden tell you horrible stories for no reason, or insist on hanging up your clothes for you when she normally would make you do it? LOL to see you sweat of course!!! Ah we have lying genetics let me tell you.

So anyways, back to Jenna... She has this nasty habit of sucking on her shirt cuffs sometimes. She knows I hate it... she doesn't do it often. But the other day she comes upstairs after watching "Flushed Away" and the whole bottom section of her top is soaking wet. And it's all bunchy looking. I asked her what happened to her shirt. She didn't want to answer me at first. So I kept asking her, and finally she said, "Mommy, I was just watching my movie, and my imaginary friend came and did that to my shirt". LIE #1. I asked her again, and again with the imaginary friend who is really bad; did that to her shirt. LIE #2. Then I asked her did she suck on her shirt. NO mommy. LIE #3. She's seasoned already huh? Then I finally said, "Jenna did you suck on your shirt or did you get it wet using the sink?" OOOOOOHHHH now she has options; she knows I'm one to her imaginary friend being a farce. She thinks and decides the sink is a better option. So she tells me she got it wet washing her hands. LIE #4. I ask her which bathroom, she tells me the hall one. The sink is totally dry. LIE #5. So I ask her point blank, "Jenna did you suck on your shirt because I know it's not from the sink, and it's not from your imaginary friend." She tells me she doesn't want to talk about it....

LOL now if you know me (which some of you do), I quite enjoy watching a liar twist; even if they are only 4. So I told her I don't like it when she lies to me, and that she'd better come up and tell me the truth because I already KNOW the truth. Finally she cracks and tells me she sucked on her shirt and she was really sorry. SHEESH!! All that over some spit on cotton?

I find this kinda funny. I mean she was pretty ingenious to come up with a plan... and when she had to abort that one, she carefully weighed options in a way that would favor her best. Man this kid is going to be a great politician some day!!! Hopefully she doesn't tell people she has 50 cats though one day. That could prove to be a tough one to get around!!

IS THAT... PANCAKE MIX????

Note to self: You can't spare taking an eye off of your kids at ANY time. Case in point - Saturday morning the girls were playing nicely so I went upstairs to brush my teeth. I come down and I can see this white powder stuff all over the floor, and the leather couch. At first I didn't know what it was until I saw footprints going into the kitchen and an open pantry door (did I forget to close that???). And sure enough, this HUGE pile of white powder on the floor of the pantry.

At first I thought it was flour until I realized the box of pancake mix was mysteriously not in a place it should be. So I have to use logic here: A) Wasn't Karis because she's too short to reach the shelf it was on, B) I don't think it was Jenna because she would have started to cry right away, and C) It was most likely Kierra because the tracks lead to the spot on the couch where she usually sits. So I call the twins up and ask who did it. Jenna immediately yells, "Kierra did it mommy!" and Kierra starts to laugh (btw that is so aggrivating). And yes she did have powder all over her too. We best figure she was looking to have pancakes for lunch and the box fell on the floor. Good for her to try to replace the box huh? LOL.

Anyways did I mention how hard it is to get pancake mix off the hardwood? Broom didn't pick it up, the vaccum still left it behind and the Swiffer vaccum wasn't charged because my husband always unplugs it for reasons unknown to me. So needless to say, it took me a while to clean it up. I guess I should be thankful she didn't add syrup huh?

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL

Going to be gone for a few days, but just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter!! We'll be knee deep in easter eggs and chocolate bunnies I'm sure (not to mention the crazy sugar rush of three small children).

Have a good holiday!

FADE INTO YOU

It's not often I get very emotional about my daughter's disorder. Most of the time I want to focus on the good; all the positive progress she has made. I think that the more I hold onto the negative stuff; the more I hold her back because I'm letting my own personal upset shadow all her accomplishments. I've learned to grow a thick skin; because I knew if I didn't it would tear me down day by day and that I needed to be strong for my kid, and my family. Doesn't mean I don't break down time to time. What human could block it out completely?

Oprah had her special on the faces of Autism today. I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch it or not. I mean I KNOW what it is to be a family living with autism. But when the time came, I decided to turn on the television and watch it. How funny that Kierra would come upstairs and start screaming at me because she wanted me to put Peter Pan on. I told her no and she screamed at me hysterically for about 25 minutes. Good thing that t.v. has a heck of a volume on it.

It amazes me how much it hit a nerve. I heard parents talking about things, saying things I've said myself or even thought. In one way, it makes me feel better to know people out there understand what it is like. It helps especially when there is always those who judge us as parent, my child - for things that are out of our control. It makes me thankful that all the people that watched that show today might have opened their eyes just a little to learn something. It washes away so much ignorance in the world. Should people really be so ignorant to a disorder that affects 1 in 150 children, or that every 20 mintues another child is diagnosed with autism?

When Kierra finally calmed down she layed on the couch with me and watched. I wondered if she understood what they were talking about. If she understood that was her; that all these people were discussing the same disorder that won't let go of her. I honestly don't know if she even knows what Autism is? Honestly it hadn't really occured to me to tell her she has it. I've only recently started telling her twin about it, because she was starting to ask me questions. Watching siblings talk about their autistic sibbling - that was what got me the most. At times I started to cry; not only because I was hearing parents heart-wrenching accounts of when they first realized something was wrong, or how their family is today. But because my daughters have been denied a relationship they were entitled to have with Kierra. Jenna and Kierra aren't like twin sisters; and it's sad because when they were babies, they really were. Jenna lost her twin-ness; but Kierra lost it too.

Today I realized I was still secretly asking myself why my daughter had to be one of those 150 kids. Why did she have to be one of the kids that seemingly was perfect until she was 1 and 1/2 years old; and then it all mysteriously vanished? Don't get me wrong: I have accepted that she is autistic. I know what I need to do now to help her. But it doesn't mean I still don't grieve for the child I thought I once had. I saw my perfect girl fade into herself and I haven't seen her since. It doesn't make her any less, or make my love for her fleeting. It just seems unfathomable that any parent should have their child stolen from them in such a way; and not know where to find them.

All I can do is look at that beautiful smile and I know that my girl is still in there somewhere. All I can do is try to coax her out day by day. I know I can't fix her; but you could never tell any mother to ever give up when her child amazes her everyday and continues to have more faith in herself than possibly imaginable.

DIRTY OLD PEOPLE

So my inlaws were in for a visit for about six days. This one actually went pleasantly well. For some reason I always visit with my inlaws at the EXACT same time I get PMS and my period. Not sure why... but it uncannily true. I skipped them this visit; for which I thank my uterus.

Anyways, they wanted to teach me and hubby this card game called Golf. It seemed simple enough and before you knew it, both hubby and me were kicking their butts royally. During one hand, my mother-in-law was shuffling the decks and wanted me to do half of it. While I was shuffling, she split hers and gave it to me and then proceeded to tell me to give her "half a dick." At first I just looked at her, and then I burst out laughing. She quickly realized what she said and turned bright red. Hubby was busting a nut and father-in-law looked like he had eatten some turtle crap or something. Me being me of course told her, "Well I can't give you half of a dick, when I don't even have a whole one to begin with." Everyone started to laugh then... it was quite commical. It reminds me of the time my own mom and dad were trying to lug their pool cover up this berm on their property, and my mom yelled at my dad, "Quit humping me so hard!" Yeah that was totally not what she meant to say.

The next night, we decided to play the same game again. Father-in-law was dealing the cards and went to flip the top card. When it came up a king he said to me, "There's some kink for you." SERIOUSLY! And I wonder where dear hubby gets it. I told father-in-law boy, I think we'd better make him and his wife sleep in different floors of the house. It was quite obvious what was on their minds!!!

You know they say those old people in homes sure get around. In fact, they have quite the few outbreaks of STD's (not pregnancy though... imagine that). I have a feeling that my in-laws are going to be a pair of dirty old biddies. After all, I am quite familiar with their son and as the old saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

APRIL IS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH

"How did you know; what signs did you look for?" Well for me, I noticed around 16 months of age when she stopped talking all of a sudden. Before that she was saying 3 word sentences. Then she stopped being affectionate with me; wouldn't make eye contact. She seemed to be in her own little world. She didn't play typically (she would line things up over and over again). I basically just saw her regress into a child that I didn't know anymore. I had taken Autism in university so I knew that's what it was. I had to fight to get her screened before she was two years old (no one believed me). They finally gave in and she was diagnosed right after she turned two. Looking back I now see other hints like she tiptoed walked, very content baby to be by herself, and arched out her back whenever I picked her up.

"Is this something she is born with?" The theory is yes. There is nothing proven that "causes" autism. Don't let all that vaccination hooey fool ya. Scientists recently discovered a lot about the autistic brain. It is hardwired differently in that parts of the brain that normally wouldn't be responsible for certain functions are. Kids tend to have larger brains than they peer groups, so their heads typically measure a little bigger. Also, they have found the genetic link for autism on Chromosome 11, more specifically SHANK. So they are finding that autism is more than likely a hereditary disorder. They have still a lot to learn about it; but they are definately working on it; which is great!

"What is your biggest challenge"? : Well my biggest challenge initially was accepting the diagnosis. I pretty much knew she was autistic though. I guess redefining our family dynamic - I all of a sudden had a special needs child and things were going to be a lot different for us. We try to function as best we can; but it can be hard at times. I would say Kierra's biggest challenge is communication. She lost all her speech suddenly around 17 months of age. It is hard to know what your child wants or needs when she can't tell you. I can tell you with absolute certainty that she's much happier now that she has ways to communicate with us. So we just take one day at a time.

"What is your daughter's prognosis?": Her diagnosis was mild to moderate on the spectrum. She is pretty high-functioning in that she can do a lot of things with minimal distress. Her biggest problem is lack of communication which we have been working extensively on. She learned the PECS system in less than 3 months (the entire process) and is starting to say words and answer yes and no verbally. We aren't sure what her future prognosis is; it's too early to say. This fall she will be mainstreamed into a typical classroom setting for Kindergarten (and no you weren't too bold asking me that :) ).




****************************************************
Well for those of you that may have not known, April is "Autism Awareness Month". I'll be honest, before I had a child diagnosed with Autism, I didn't even know such a month existed. It's amazing the things you learn when you are actually faced with it you know?

For background: I have almost 5 year old twins, and one was diagnosed with Autism just shortly after she turned two years old. I knew by the time she was 16 months something was really wrong. At this time, she is mostly non-verbal (she lost pre-acquired speech), but she is starting to talk again.

Anyways, I have had a few people ask to talk to me about autism. I want to tell everyone up-front I totally don't mind when people ask me questions. I think it's a great chance for people to learn and clear up misconceptions they may have had. I don't call it ignorance: I call it misinformed. As any disorder; there are stereotypes that often mask the reality of the situation.

So, I am opening my doors here and will take any question any of you may have about autism. This just doesn't go for the month of April. But since this is the month dedicated to autism education; I encourage any of you that would like to ask me something to ask away!!! And if you have a loved one with autism, please feel free to share your experiences too!!

BODY CHEMISTRIES AND ROCKING THE LABRATORY BABY

OK I'm in the mood to be brash and sassy ... bold even. I was thinking about sensuality, or more accurately sexuality. I have a definite theory about our sexuality. Well I didn't coin the theory; it's something I read once; it was a sociological study. But the jest of it was women are more alert to their own sensualness when they ovulate; and men a LOT more receptive to them. Makes you wonder; is there really something to body chemistry outside magnetic sexual attraction?

You look at the animal kingdom. Very few animals mate outside of reproductive times. I mean you don't see zebras getting jiggy wit it for no reason at all at the zoo (although... I actually HAVE seen zebras doing the wild thing at the zoo - it ain't pretty all those crazy stripes going every which way). So is it so impossible to believe that humans have the same chemical reaction as animals? LOL I know a few men that would love to use that as an excuse for never being monogomous (ok and you know; some chicks too - yah we can all be tawdry). But maybe we can't help it in some way? I decided to put this to practice. For the record, during ovulation, women are a lot more selective of who they will do it with. They are looking for strong, virale men. Doesn't mean they are looking to get knocked up; we humans do have a sense about timing pregnancies and such (although that doesn't always necessarily go accordingly).

I wanted to see if my hubby was more interested in me whenever I'm "fertile" (LOL OK that sounded tres medical) than he was other times. And you want to know what I found? Man can't get enough of me. I could have a mud mask on, granny panties and a huge zit on my chin and he'd think I was FAB-U-LOUS. Want to know something else? I can get enough of it either. So obviously there is something about animal lust in humans. I guess it's how we keep our planet so overly populated and why so many unplanned bambinos happen - people get so caught up in the moment they can't contain themselves.

So ladies, the next time you are popping off an egg try to take some stock of how the men around you are acting. Are the baggers at the grocery store extra smiley? Is the banker accidentally slipping you an extra $20.00? Guys, you thinking your lady is extra hot for some unexplanable reason? It's just something to think about really. After all: chemistry can't just be about test tubes and bunson burners can it?

LAST DANCE IN MY MARYJANES

Today I was particularly pleased with myself. I had bought three new pairs of shoes yesterday (FYI: I don't ever hardly buy shoes; I wear them til they fall apart). One of them was a pair of black leather ballet flat shoes that look like Mary Janes. I thought super-cute!!!!

So today we decided to take the inlaws out to the Calgary Tower for lunch. Since the girls have never taken the C-train we thought hey let's take it downtown. I decided this was a perfect time to try out my new shoes!!! Comfy nice shoes. At the terminal, one of the buttons on my maryjanes went and so the strap was dangling uselessly. I was pissed - I had barely owned them for 12 hours!! Nothing I could do, just tried to tuck the strap into the side, and hoped no one would notice my defective shoe.

I guess since I was planning on taking them back; the other shoe figured WTF so it blew the other!!! OK seriously those shoes were out to get me the moment I paid for them. As soon as I got home, I threw them in the box and they are waiting to go back to the store. I am so annoyed: not only because they broke but because I really thought they were cute!!!

And in other news: my bladder decided my life wasn't fun enough so I now have a bladder infection. I will have been on 17 days worth of antibiotics in the last 30 days when I'm done with them. Good grief!!! Things just keep getting better and better let me tell you!!! On the way home from getting my script filled, I was screwing around with my XM radio and heard an old tune "Mr. Wendall" by Arrested Development. I remembered back in the day, I would've danced like a nutjob to that song. How fitting I'm tapping my mediocre shoes to a song I used to really dig. So I'm going to share it with you. Here's to better brands of shoes, and may your toe-tapping not deteriorate your footwear.

FART-TASTROPHIES: THE SAGA OF A LITTLE ORANGE BUM

You know you are a mother when...

Your child has orange in her pull-up and you automatically think she's got some foreign disease.

Yesterday morning Karis woke up and her pull-up was full of this bright orange. It was neon orange in fact, and it totally threw me for a loop. I wouldn't have been more surprised if a leuprachan jumped out of there and asked me where his pot of gold be. At first I thought she must be really dehydrated or something; automatically think of brickdust. Upon more thought, I don't think that's it because this kid drinks tons. There is no possible way she's dehydrated. I'd better keep an eye on it; see what develops.

Three hours later, I notice AGAIN it's in her pull-up. Now I'm freaking out. I look on webmd; find nothing reassuring (ie: diabetes, renal failure... sheesh). I call our family doctor and explain what's happening. They can fit me in on Friday (don't they know she could have her kidney's shriveling up or laspe into a diabetic coma??). They tell me to call the nurses hotlink; because apparently my family doctor is too busy to hear about my kids bright orange ass. I call the number and sit on the phone for 20 minutes while the nurse tries to figure out what could be causing it. She's coming up blank; bless her heart she tried. Says keep your appointment on Friday, but she didn't think it was anything serious (neon orange pull-ups aren't serious?). Gave me some warning signs that mean don't pass GO, go directly to ER.

I then decide to try to get Karis to pee in a container so I can see the pee better, see if there is blood. We have those stupid blue pucks in our toilets, I couldn't see anything in there. I mean it looks like a smurf peed in it. She had already went in her pull-up again and amazingly enough, it was totally clear!! Odd I think to myself. I still insist she tries. Nothing. She laughs, asks to ride her bike in the snow, I tell her no. She sings a song, butchering up the words badly. Asks if we can have poutine for dinner. She gets off and I notice orange droplets in the container. I KNOW she didn't pee. So now I'm thinking, not area A... must be area B. Try to get a better look; she's laughing cause she ticklish and let's be fair; thinks it's hillarious I want to see her butthole. Then it hits me: I remember my sister telling me my niece had this happen when she took this mineral oil laxative... the SAME stuff I gave Karis two days before. I call up my sister and sure enough, she tells me this is a side effect she knows all too well. She's shocked I've never seen it before. I had to laugh: all that over some shart.

So I guess I can call off the exploratory surgery, the total blood panel and my call to the surgeon general. Boy a mother sure can get worried over the silliest little things can't they?

TAG.... YOU'RE IT!!!!!

Burg (aka Deeper Shades of Red) tagged me to list the top 7 songs I've been listening to lately. She says I always have neat choices of music AWWWWWWW. I think this is my first official tag - so here I go!!!

1. "GIRFRIEND" Avril Lavinge: I just like this song. I just like Avril. Hey she's Canadian - she's awesome ;) She has such an interesting voice, plus this song has a hint of the Go-Go's to it or something. It's a good mix of 80's and today IMO.

2. "IN THIS LIFE" Chantal Kreviazuk: Ah another Canadian. I love her - I don't like her Fruitesse Garnier commericals though (they are so lame). This song just nails how I feel sometimes. Actually Chantal has so many good songs, you could play most of her CD without fast forwarding through most of the songs (Fergie anyone?)

3. "PUMP IT" Black Eyed Peas: I'm a girl in love with a good beat. Plus I love running on the treadmill to this song. It actually pumps me up and I run a lot faster. So props go to the BEP's for improving my cardio fitness!

4. "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL" Carrie Underwood: This song is great. The whole concept that when life is out of control you must resign yourself to Jesus to help you find your way. She and Kellie are the only ones I've liked from American Idol.

5. "SUDDENLY I SEE" KT Tunstall: I like waking up to this song on the radio. It just makes me feel cheery and bright, and I can shake off the morning groggies easily. I also love "BLACK HORSE AND THE CHERRY TREE". She's just got such a rich voice.

6. "I WOULD DIE FOR YOU" Jann Arden: Man another Canadian... LOL. I had my Jann Arden CD's stolen from my car years ago. Last month I saw some on sale at Best Buy and had to have them. I'm playing it over and over in my van all the time. I especially love this song. Something about how love is so all emcompassing and passionate.

7. "SWEET ESCAPE" Gwen Steffani: I like this song, plus my kids love to rock out to it. They dance like maniacs. I'll be honest, I liked Gwen's debut album much better than this one; it had a lot of great hits on it. This one, I only like really 2 or 3 songs out of them all. But I still love this one. Plus you have to love someone confident enought to pull off a feminized version of the pompador.

So there you have it. The 7 songs circulating my head lately. So I guess if I have to tag; I'm done a mass tag. ANYONE who is reading this right now has been officially tagged (unless you have been already). So turn up the volume and let's hear it!

PAGING DOCTOR FREUD

No this is not a post about penis envy (lol why anyone would envy that is beyond me; I wouldn't wish being kicked in the sack by my kids every other day like my husband). My husband has cause to be concerned over castration anxiety (you can only get hoofed so many times people!) Ah yes the Theory of Sexuality: if you believe in this one; your children will overthrow your husband in a lust quest for you. A little batty; and that is illegal nowadays no? This is also not a post about my ego and id duking it out. Hell it's bad enough my ass is battling my bathroom scale. Ahhhhh but free association: I think this is something I can give props to Freud for. Besides, I don't think hypnotherapy would be a good idea. Don't want you all typing blogs about how you were a chicken in a past lifetime. Let's give it a try shall we?

SAFEWAY GROCERY STORE: Anililation Why oh why when you get carry out service to they INSIST on putting your fruit or baked goods on the bottom; and then put a 24 pack of Diet Pepsi directly on top? Oh yes that's right, if the bread is only 1 mm thick, it has less calories.

SLEEPING: Farce When people tell you all is great once your baby starts sleeping through they night, they are CLEARLY lying in your face!! They don't mention the 101 times your four year old will wake you up at night to ask you to fix a blanket, give you a hug, or even just to say they love you. At 3:00am all I want to hear is the sound of my snoring!

MOTORHOME: Eyesore I have this neighbor in our cul de sac that insists on leaving his piece of crap 1960's motorhome on the street. This thing is not only an eyesore, but it's in the way of everyone, plus it's against City by-laws. Does that stop him from leaving it out there? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You'd think we'd all band together and burn it like it was a witch at the Salem Trials but this guy is loco. He's driven out people behind him already. We are afraid he will retaliate and drive his rusty can through our living room window.

CURIOUS GEORGE: Annoying LOL refer to previous post 2 down for a lengthier explanation on that one!

G-STRING: Disillusioned LOL ok the theory that if your panties are half-way up your butt already, why not just put them their purposely is nuts. Last year I decided to rekindle my inner sex goddess. I got rid of all the "mom undies" I accumulated since I had kids, and bought all nice lacy, pretty g-strings. Back in the day I had only matching bra/panty combos. I figure hubby must be missing my sexy undy days. For those of you who don't know, a g-string ain't all that more comfy. I mean you still are picking at that damn thing!! Except now you have to dig deeper - gross you out yet?

SNOW: Depressing You know I can handle winter in normal environments but ever since we moved here, it's been snow one day, spring jacket weather the next. WHY?????? It's like weather foreplay but you aren't getting off. If it's going to be winter fine, give me the snow and then when it melts in the spring; stay melted!!! Yesterday we got a few inches, and today it's lovely out. Rabbits and birds running amuck; flowers still trying to figure out it they are supposed to bloom. Make up your mind!

I could go on for days... is that a bad thing? I'll continue to lie on the couch here and think about it (as my left eye twitches sporadically). Feel free to book your next session. My time has run out.

FAILING TO SEE THE IRONY?

I'm thinking of universal truths today. Philsophic you say? Ha! I laugh - I can't be very philosophic when I'm tired and cranky, when my shirt has cheese whiz on the boob. Sociological you say? Perhaps a bit; after all it is somewhat of an educational hazzard for me to look at things and dissect it. So here is what I've come up with today: you must have an appreciation for irony in life. Because if you don't, how can you possibly find the humor? Note I said IRONY - not ironing. No one should appreciate a nicely pressed pair of pants; unless it's your significant other. If you can't find humor in irony, I'll supply my own humor at no cost to you: well not at financial cost anyways...

So anyways, I had to stop and wonder why irony exists. It is cosmic forces at hand, showing us that humor does exist in life? Is it God telling us to be more humble? To not take life so seriously? Take a step back and realize that you can't map out every single thing that happens to you on your journey through life. That sometimes no matter how hard we try to control things; we have to resign our control because we are not at the wheel? Are we simply backseat drivers?

There was this guy in high school who always harrassed me and grabbed my ass all the time. I could't stand him and thought he was the biggest jerk. Finally one day I told him I wished he'd drop dead. The next week he died in a horrible motorcycle accident in front of the school. I was the one that called the ambulance.

When our infertility doctor told us we had only a 7% of natural conception we were devastated. Tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant and NADA!!! Did IVF 3 times before we finally hit the mark. Then when the twins were 10 1/2 months old I got pregnant on my own with Karis.

In university, I took autism in my abnormal psychology class. I went home and told my husband I could never deal with having a child with autism. Almost anything but that. Low and behold, who do you think has a daughter with autism?

Now you may ask me, how on earth can I find appreciation for any of those things; nevermind find the humor in it. Well with the boy that died, I obviously don't find humor. What I DID learn was that even though I thought he acted like a jackass; he was still someone's son and brother. He was still loved by a lot of people who greatly miss him. I can appreciate that although in life he got on my nerves; in death I still think about him from time to time. He taught me that life is short and uncalculated. And that even though I didn't think he was someone significant to me; he obviously in some sense was.

With the infertility, I appreciate the experience of having undergone the IVF regardless of getting pregnant on my own because if I hadn't gone through that process; I wouldn't have my twin girls. I also learned to be more humble, and that everything in life can't come easy just because it has so many times. Sometimes the greatest things in life are the hardest to achieve. The humor goes to my my mother-in-law in having the satisfaction of saying "I told you so!!" about my conceiving on my own. Her satisfaction is a small price to pay when we have Karis; but it still burns my britches let me tell you.

And last but not least, I can appreciate the fact my child has autism. I appreciate it because I learned that I'm a stronger person than I ever gave myself credit for. I often wondered at first if it was something I did; a reason I was being punished. I quickly realized how stupid that was: God doesn't punish children for the mistakes of the parent. I also realized that my ideals of what my family would be like wasn't something I could control. Sometimes you just have to look at the cards you have been dealt; and not worry about someone else's hand looking better. I appreciate it because Kierra has ALWAYS been Kierra. This has always been a part of her, and it defines her in a way. It also defines me as her mother. How can you argue with that?

The irony of any of these situations may escape some people; but it doesn't escape me. Perhaps that's the greatest lesson of all. Finding your own defintion and meaning in your life's ironies? So the question is now: what have you learned from your irony? Can you look at it and find value? Can you look at it and say you've learned from it? Can you just look at it and laugh? Or are you still failing to see it?

THE MONKEY ON MY BACK

That kid on the Sixth Sense could see dead people... I can see little brown monkeys. They are everywhere. Monkeys eating bananas, monkeys on a freight ship, monkeys painting a penthouse suite... just monkeys!!!! Have you started to wonder where I am going with this? I get confused a lot and tend to drone on and on; on account of all the bloody, mind-numbing monkeys!

And I continue...

Kierra does not thrive on diversity. She loves consistency, predictability; the same old routine. Yes this is a huge problem with some of the kids on the autism spectrum. If they aren't sure what's happening next, they get a tad "annoyed". This is part of what we work on in therapy. She has a very structured day you knows. From 9-12 she has in-home therapy, and then from 1-3 she attends junior kindy for special needs children (mostly ASD kids). She probably works harder than most adults you'll ever meet. So when she comes home, I let her veg out. She's only four years old; we don't want a preschooler with ulcers and suffering from burnout. So every day she wants to do the same thing: get home from school, throw boots on my carpet, throw jacket on floor. Make sure the hall light is on, and then run to the television to see what is on. And you better hope it's not something like Oprah or Dr. Phil.

Case in point: Kierra LOVES the Curious George movie. Every single day; she has to watch this DVD. In fact, she doesn't even have to watch it - it just needs to be playing somewhere in the vicinity of my home. And you can't turn it off if she leaves the room - OH NO SIREE BOB!!! She has sonar or something and knows the exact milisecond you turn it off. And she'll come a running up to you and scream at you until you turn it back on. Now normally I wouldn't condone this sort of behavior. I mean she needs to settle down and realize it's not always about her. Lately she's pretty amicable about things: we can make deals with her whereas we never could before. Especially since her communication has improved over the past few months. But there is one thing she will not comprimise on and that's Curious George.

I can honestly say I hate that monkey. I hate hearing the theme song; which sometimes I sing to myself and then realize I'm doing it. I hate the man with the yellow hat. I don't even want to watch other movies with the voices of Will Ferrell and Drew Barrymore - can't blame them for doing the voice overs for the movie but I can't handle anything to do with Curious George. I could recite the entire movie word for word. Would it be entirely horrible if I "accidentally" scratched the entire surface of the DVD??????? Did I mention we also have numerous Curious George books and even a stuffed Curious George? This shit is bananas (a la Gwen Steffani).

It's more than likely a phase I'm sure. I mean we won't have to watch this movie until she moves out (will we?). So if anyone has a bottle of valium handy, or hey even some Jack Daniels... pass it over ok. Because there is only so much of a monkey any parent can take! Wait a minute, did that stuffed Curious George just wink at me????

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Back for more huh? Can't get enough of me - admit it ;) Wondering about the title of my post? Ah, I have you intrigued. Come we have much to discuss.

THE GOOD: This week-end hubby went out and bought me a brand new Buick Terraza minivan (as pictured here). I'm in LOVE with this van. We went to look at it two weeks ago and had been mulling it over since. We previously had a Silouette Premiere, but the warranty is almost up on it; and we've been having problems with it. Of course Jarrett had the thrill of bantering with the salesman. Hubby is definately a business man at heart let me tell you. He takes great pride in getting the deal he wants. I say good for him; because I'm not good at it. I would end up paying more than the average person easily. So I get the van on Tuesday. Now we have a garage full of Buicks (and kids bicycles LOL).

THE BAD: Sunday morning hubby woke up and found that some lights in the house weren't working. Strange since they worked before we went to bed. He went down to the electrical panel and the breaker had tripped. For some odd reason it won't reset. It keep tripping, which means there is a problem somewhere. So he tried to replace the breaker - nope that wasn't it. Now he has to take down all the fixtures to see if it is one of them that is shorting. Not a fun task. We still haven't figured it out (wishes he would just call the electrician). So we have no lights for the kitche, breakfast nook, rec room, spare bedroom, storage room and the furnace room. Honestly; why did this have to happen?

THE UGLY: I have two uglies. First, I have another one of those annoying ganglion cysts on my wrist. Always the same spot, same wrist. Ever since university (from crazy note taking no doubt). This thing gives me the heebie jeebies for some reason. I remember the first time I saw it I freaked. Go to the doctor who went ahead to squeeze it; I yelled a loud profanity at him (FYI a ganglion cyst is basically a raised bundle of nerves - don't pinch your nerves). So now I have to see if this thing is going to bugger off or not. The second ugly is our friends lent us their Borat movie. OK no one wants to see some gross, fat guys scrotum on another naked man's face!! EW EW EW!!! There isn't enough liquid soap to clean my eyes of that image!!

So there you have it: the good, the bad and the ugly. Might I just add I'd much prefer only goods??

CAN WE GET REAL FOR A MINUTE?

So Slacker-Mom challenged anyone who basically reads her blog to come up with their own defination of what it is to be a real mom. Gotta love her blog; and I definately love her honesty!!! She's a great read if anyone hasn't read her blog.
So I'm up for the challenge. Just let me brush the Cheerios out of my hair, and get serious for a moment (no one can be serious with cereal in their hair).

So after some thought this is what I came up with:

A real mom is someone that never puts up a fascade that being a mother is always perfect and easy. She doesn't put up aires that her children are perfect in every single way; because she's afraid other's may think she's a failure. She doesn't wear a plastic smile and put on a good show, trying to belittle you for giving your kid a Kit-Kat bar when it clearly didn't come for a wholistic foods store. She doesn't look at other moms and chastizes them for not enrolling their children in prep schools when they were still fetuses.

A real mom is someone that isn't afraid to pull her hair in public when her kids are acting like brats. She is someone who is real and feels. She is someone we can all pick out of a crowd, and sympathsize with because we know exactly how she feels. she is someone that realizes that being a mom is hard work; but it well worth it all.

A real mom is someone who doesn't beat herself up because she wasn't able to uphold all the unrealistic ideals she had about what it would be like having children. She is smart and savy enough to know that "what you think it will be like" and "what it actually is like" are different things. She knows that parenting is like flying by the seat of your pants; and that there is nothing predictable about it!

A real mom always tells her children how wonderful they are. She always find the beauty in a picture her child made, even if it's just scribbles. She loves to hear the songs her kids sing, even if it's off-tune and not American Idol quality. She doesn't care if they dress themselves and they are totally mismatched. All her children's stories are grand, and she always has praise for them because she truly feels pride.

A real mom doesn't look at her body and blame her kids for wrecking it. Although she probably doesn't enjoy her stretch marks and saggier boobs, she realizes that it's just part of having kids. She may not admit it; but part of her feels the honor of having her children, even if she doesn't have the same bod she did when she was 18. A real mom doesn't want to be 18 again anyways.

A real mom refuses to limit what she'll do for her children. She refuses to let her kids down. She always has an ear to lend, as well as a hug and kiss. She always has tons of love to spare.

BARELY THERE DOWN "THERE" HAIR

CAUTION: May make men cringe; make women sympathsize

Well Spring is here, which means that bathing suit season is coming around the corner in a few months. And so after months of winter.... ummm growth? .... I'm back on the well beaten path of down there hair removal. Call me crazy; but I am one of those people that DO NOT want their stuff hanging out the sides of their bikini bottom. LOL. Yes you are about to embark on a fanastic journey of me talking about my adventure of hair removal. Don't worry: I don't mention any womanly parts.

So I found myself at Wal-Mart and got myself one of those Veet bikini kits. Looks simple enough. I tried it last year on my pits and legs; and it was great. Plus it takes longer for the hair to grow back. So I got down to the task of trying it out. First off; applying that stuff is nuts. You are trying not to completely scalp yourself down there; cream is going every which way. Trying hard not to get it into any "sensitve" areas. Second, walking around like you have a stick up your butt for 5 minutes while you let the cream work isn't fun. So after the alloted time, presto!!! Things are shaping up (no pun intended - or wait maybe it is intended). They even gave this nice after cream; which smelled like some sort of flower. I was quite proud of myself. It didn't hurt or burn. I felt fancy and wanted to show off to hubby.

Let's fast forward now two days: HOLY CRAP!!! I have depilatory cream rash! Red bumps and they hurt!! That lousy cream ain't helping me now! So what if your nether-regions smell like gerber daisys? Not feeling quite so fancy anymore. Hubby started to laugh and asked me what on earth possessed me to do that. Simple: razor burn hurts like hell. Waxing seems midevil to me: I'm not applying hot wax to my crotch and then pulling the hair out with a piece of cloth! What is left? Tweezers? Blowtorch? Men - what do they know of the tragedies of hair removal? They think they have it bad shaving their faces. Guess what - no one points and laughs at you at the beach if you have facial hair guys!!!

So how many of you have gone through the dreaded bikini hair removal and thought to yourself, "is this even worth it?" Does anyone have any great tips to share? Maybe some secret tonic found in the depths of the rain forest. Or some acient Asian remedy that will permanently remove hair?

POOPY PUPPY?

I have to admit; toys sure have changed since I was a little girl. I mean the sheer technology is mind-blowing. But really, I love seeing toys brought back from when I was a kid too. My Little Ponies, Care Bears, Cabbage Patch Kids. My girls have ALL the My Little Ponies I had when I was a little girl. You wouldn't believe the awesome condition they are in! They love them as much as I did when I was little.

So yesterday, I took the kids to look at toys. Karis had some bday money left from my grandma to spend. Jenna and Kierra were looking at the barbies so I told them they could each pick out one. Jenna choose a sunbathing barbie, and Kierra this dog trainer barbie. It came with a dog and all these neat little doggie supplies. I thought it was cool; plus Jenna has the one with the cat already - so now they don't have to fight over the animals (event though they probably will anyways).

So I get it home, take it out of the box. In the dog bowl, I could see little dogfoods. Then I see an additional packet of these little brown bites. They are heavier than I expect and are magnetic. OK keeps them in the bowl better I figure; that way you don't loose them. Then I notice the dog's mouth opens and there is a HOLE in it's butt! OK seriously, you feed the dogs the little brown magnets and then it POOPS them out!! There is a magnetic pooper scooper and a trashcan! First reaction? That's so gross! LOL who wants to play picking up dog crap? I didn't want to do it when I had a real dog! Second, man those are a choking hazzard those little brown turds. Did I mention the cat that Jenna had came with three packets of colored sand for "kitty litter?" I wouldn't give them to her; can you imagine that fine grit all over the place? No thanks. So my question is: when did Barbie get so biologically correct? I mean what's next: Barbie lactating?

I guess things have really changed from the days when you had a babydoll that peed her pants. My girls have babies that suck pacifiers and bottles, cry tears, and pee themselves. Not to mention cry, burp and coo to themselves (we usually turn them off; they are annoying). And now to add to our collection: fecal matter hound and kitty litter cat. When I showed it to hubby; he damn near choked on his dinner! He asked me a simple, "why?" I honestly didn't have an answer for him. I don't know if any of your kids have these but let me tell you; it's pretty crazy when your kid's plastic dog is shooting brown magnets out of it's butt!

FREE POGO GUEST PASSES

I have three free Pogo Club guest passes to give away for anyone that may be interested. You can actually play games for free online there; but I have the "Club" free week membership which have more fun features to try. So if anyone would like a free week, please post your reply. Since I only have 3, it's going to be first post, first dibs. I'll need your email address to send you the pass.

www.pogo.com

The moose at McDonalds... I just posted that for fun. Seems like the logical thing to do when you don't have a post with my substance right? LOL.

STOVES, PLUGS AND HOME DEPOT OH MY!

No I did NOT buy an orange stove... but alas, I did have to replace my other one. It was only 5 years old, and it will be going to the dump this week-end. That part I mentioned earlier last week? Didn't work at ALL!!! Yes the part that was non-refundable if you installed it. OK for a minute let's get rationale: it was told to us that it was compatible... so how's it our fault the thing didn't work after all? Waste of $300.00, Purlolator courier and my husbands time.

So Sunday we went and bought a NEW stove. It came today. Finally I have an oven again. Right now it sits in the room between the kitchen and the family room. Not very functional there but oh well; at least I have it. Hubby will have to install it tonight. Wanna hear something funny? When we pulled out the old one, we noticed it was plugged into a normal outlet. Not the usual stove outlet. Well we figure, that's not good; the stove we are buying requires a stove outlet. So we go to the Home Depot, and I tell hubby to run in quick; it's miserable and I don't feel like hauling 3 kids into a store for 5 mintues. Jarrett comes back all huffy looking less than 2 minutes later. He tells me they won't let him in cause it's "Ladies Night."

OK seriously - ladies night at Home Depot? I had to laugh. I asked him what we needed, and said I'd go get it. I walk in and there is pink balloons, people handing out fresh coffee, and a table with goodies including this huge icing cake! Then this woman runs up to me with a hot pink piece of paper and tells me not to forget to enter the drawing! OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAYYYYYYYY. I just came in for an outlet. It was truly the strangest thing I've ever seen. Displays everywhere with women crowded around. And I'm talking 100's of ladies!! I got out as fast as I could. I mean that was too much estrogen for even me!! Jarrett said that was blatant discrimination: afterall it's not a private club store. He's just sore he didn't get to have any cake ;)

So tonight I'm using my rotisserie for the last time I hope (man that thing is a $#&*$# to clean), and I can resume a normal life of cooking. That and I'm sick of take-out. Wish us happy stove installation!

10 THINGS YOU MAY WANNA KNOW

Now that I have more people checking out my blog, I thought it might be fun to do a "10 Fun Facts". Basically 10 things about myself I would like to share with others. I do hope you'll share 10 things about yourself with me!!

1. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED ALMOST 9 YEARS, BUT BEEN WITH MY GUY FOR 15: We started to date right after I graduated high school and we've been tight ever since!
2. I HAVE DEGREES IN SOCIOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY: I'm a humanities girl, what can I say? I love to psycho-analyze everything. Is that a bad thing?
3. I CONCEIVED MY TWINS THROUGH IN VITRO FERTILIZATION: After trying for more than 2 years, we finally had our twins girls through IVF. That was a LOT of injections btw.
4. I CONCEIVED MY SINGLETON NATURALLY 10 1/2 MONTHS AFTER MY TWINS WERE BORN: Go figure right?
5. I PLAY THE PIANO: Better when I was a teenager, but still. DH recently bought me a piano so I'm honing up on my skills.
6. I AM CANADIAN; BUT MY CHILDREN ARE ALL AMERICANS: We went to university and live in the States for the first 7 years of our marriage. So all our kids were born in the States. Technically they have dual-citizenship on account of their parents both being hoosers.
7. I AM SEVERELY ADDICTED TO CAFFEINE: I had to say it. No I don't drink coffee or even lates, but I love my Diet Pepsi. Don't ever cross paths with me on a day I didn't have a Diet Pepsi.
8. I HAVE A CHILD WITH AUTISM: Most of you probably figured out this one, but one of our twins was diagnosed with Autism just after she turned 2 years old. She's doing great due to the extensive therapies. We are just taking one day at a time; and she amazes us daily.
9. I HAVE BEEN WRITING A BOOK SINCE 2001: You know, ever since the kids, I haven't had much time to write it. It's definately a work in progress but I vow to one day finish it!
10. I LOVE TO PAINT: Not walls, I actually hate that. But I do love to get a canvas and create! I so far have painted one in our house, one for my mom, and my husband has "commissioned" me to do one for his office. Payment for that one is rather... sexy!

Any more questions? Post away!