MY TRIP!!!!!

I'm back!! Did you miss me? Our vacation was great!

I have to start off by saying our plane trip there kinda sucked. We flew with this airline and the plane was older than the hills, and EXTREMELY uncomfortable to sit in for 3 hours. We were wondering exactly why there were no cushions on the seat (it felt like a plank), and why the overhead bins were called that... they should've been called mid-torso bins because you had to be bloody contortionist to get into your seat. I was scared to go to the bathroom; might just be a hole cut in the bottom of the plane. But once we got to San Diego, it was fine. It was fine because I swore to ride a camel all the way back to Canada before I ever sat in another one of their air crafts!

The next day was embarkation!!! We got in front of everyone else (elite status is glorious!) When we boarded the ship, we realized that was pretty much all your elite status involved. They screwed up our dinner reservations. In fact they screwed up a lot since there was a huge line already! At first we weren't even sitting with our friends, and they had us sitting down at 8:00pm. We were like WTF?? We were supposed to eat at 5:45. So in order to sit with our friends, we had to sit at 8:30pm every night (which kinda sucked). We asked about the elite service to which the maitre D told us "old people and children get preferential treatment". OKAY so why did they even ask when we wanted to eat? Did I pay the extra grand fo a mint and a towel made into an animal on my bed every night? However, the room was really nice - Jarrett splurged and got us the Penthouse Suite. However, the first night I was awakened to hear the people above us having very loud, angry sex. The guy kept yelling "C'mon you fucking bitch!" Ummm yeah - I was hiding under the covers. Scary sex.

We got to Ensenada the next day and it was pretty. Me and J went on a 1 1/2 hour horse ride in the hills overlooking the ocean. I had a horse named Jose Cuervo and Jarret - Bud Light. He had the slowest horse in all of Mexico. The ride was very peaceful. Sore asses later but you know, it was worth it. We were completely covered head to toe in red dust - since they had a drought. I was kinda scary and dirty. We went shopping in town afterwards - which was an experience. LOL apparently Mexican Viagra is a big seller. Some Mexican offered to get me some "illegal" drugs. I high-tailed it out of there! So I bought some nice things for my mom and the girls.

That same day was my birthday, so they had a cake for me and everything. It was also the formal night. Introducing skank mom and daughter team. OMG - that's all I have to say. They were such super-sluts it was almost ridiculous. To see a mom and daughter on a cruise, dressed so horridly. The daughter had a long gown on, and the front of it had a panel of see-threw lace, so you could see her panties. It was horribly tacky! Of course they got stuck with these other two parties at this table, who were not happy to sit with them. We sat beside them in the next table. Skank DD was so drunk. I went to the bathroom, opened a door and she was sitting NAKED on the can. Saw her sprayed fake tanned tits and all! I have no clue where her dress was!!! Funny story, the last night on, my friend Alana had the EXACT SAME thing happen to her with the same person!! She opened the bathroom door and AGAIN she was naked!! WTF?

The day at sea was really nice AND HOT!! Sat around the pool and baked. Watched skank dd and mom dance like strippers, by themselves, to their ipods. Very strange. They were totally blasted. We had our massage for 75 minutes (bliss!). Later, me and Alana got the worst manicures of our lives!! I mean torture of the cuticles!! HORRIBLE. The Spa accidentally booked us the wrong day, we were originally supposed to have it the night before on formal night. They were supposed to comp us some off, then they lied and said we were comped - turned out they didn't. Alana got all lawyer on them.

The third day, we were in Cabo San Lucas. GORGEOUS!! Me and J went to the Dolphin Swim - and it was AWESOME. We swam with them, layed on them and they pulled us around, it was sooooooooo cool!!! Got the girls some stuffed dolphins of course! After we met up with our friends, had lunch. The guys went to do that sea helmet adventure thing, so me and Alana went shopping down the boardwalk. Again, I was asked if I wanted to buy drugs (do I look like a stoner or something?). I bartered like a pro for a bracelette LOL. I couldn't believe how awesome it was there. They had this super huge nice mall, and Jarrett bought me a Coach handbag - because I'm a huge purse whore. After, we got back on the boat, totally broke and heat stroked.

The last day, we sat in the sun and just relaxed. Had to do the token water slide - which by the way - wasn't the greatest idea Alana ever came up with. She went first, and I learned quick to "brake" - I literally used my hands to slow down so I didn't have to plunge into the cold water. People applauded my efforts. I think my nipples are at the bottom of that pool as ice cubes. Skank dd and mom were trying to pick up all these guys but didn't do too well. After getting a closer look I can see why - she ain't pretty and she even look that way. They were super pissed drunk. The last night at dinner, they said good-bye, and after they left, all the people at their table toasted LOL. I had to add in there a brief "YIPPEE!" and about five surrounding tables applauded. So all in all, the fun was good. I mean we saw some comedians and some shows. But the boat itself I give a 2 out of 5 only cause I'm comparing it to the Celebrity Cruise I took three years ago. Honestly, never would book with Carnival again. The Maitre D actually had the balls to ask us for a tip, that was conveniently put in a nice little envelope on our bed. We gave him a tip alright - but not monetary. "Tip: The next time you book times for sit down dinners, try to honor them. And when someone buys a ticket that is supposed to get them preferential treatment - try to honor that as well". I know - we are jerks! But in spite of it, we did have a great time on our on-shore excursions.

Of course I had a million pictures but I'm not posting them all. I'll leave you with a few of them!