PAGING DOCTOR FREUD
No this is not a post about penis envy (lol why anyone would envy that is beyond me; I wouldn't wish being kicked in the sack by my kids every other day like my husband). My husband has cause to be concerned over castration anxiety (you can only get hoofed so many times people!) Ah yes the Theory of Sexuality: if you believe in this one; your children will overthrow your husband in a lust quest for you. A little batty; and that is illegal nowadays no? This is also not a post about my ego and id duking it out. Hell it's bad enough my ass is battling my bathroom scale. Ahhhhh but free association: I think this is something I can give props to Freud for. Besides, I don't think hypnotherapy would be a good idea. Don't want you all typing blogs about how you were a chicken in a past lifetime. Let's give it a try shall we?
SAFEWAY GROCERY STORE: Anililation Why oh why when you get carry out service to they INSIST on putting your fruit or baked goods on the bottom; and then put a 24 pack of Diet Pepsi directly on top? Oh yes that's right, if the bread is only 1 mm thick, it has less calories.
SLEEPING: Farce When people tell you all is great once your baby starts sleeping through they night, they are CLEARLY lying in your face!! They don't mention the 101 times your four year old will wake you up at night to ask you to fix a blanket, give you a hug, or even just to say they love you. At 3:00am all I want to hear is the sound of my snoring!
MOTORHOME: Eyesore I have this neighbor in our cul de sac that insists on leaving his piece of crap 1960's motorhome on the street. This thing is not only an eyesore, but it's in the way of everyone, plus it's against City by-laws. Does that stop him from leaving it out there? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You'd think we'd all band together and burn it like it was a witch at the Salem Trials but this guy is loco. He's driven out people behind him already. We are afraid he will retaliate and drive his rusty can through our living room window.
CURIOUS GEORGE: Annoying LOL refer to previous post 2 down for a lengthier explanation on that one!
G-STRING: Disillusioned LOL ok the theory that if your panties are half-way up your butt already, why not just put them their purposely is nuts. Last year I decided to rekindle my inner sex goddess. I got rid of all the "mom undies" I accumulated since I had kids, and bought all nice lacy, pretty g-strings. Back in the day I had only matching bra/panty combos. I figure hubby must be missing my sexy undy days. For those of you who don't know, a g-string ain't all that more comfy. I mean you still are picking at that damn thing!! Except now you have to dig deeper - gross you out yet?
SNOW: Depressing You know I can handle winter in normal environments but ever since we moved here, it's been snow one day, spring jacket weather the next. WHY?????? It's like weather foreplay but you aren't getting off. If it's going to be winter fine, give me the snow and then when it melts in the spring; stay melted!!! Yesterday we got a few inches, and today it's lovely out. Rabbits and birds running amuck; flowers still trying to figure out it they are supposed to bloom. Make up your mind!
I could go on for days... is that a bad thing? I'll continue to lie on the couch here and think about it (as my left eye twitches sporadically). Feel free to book your next session. My time has run out.
