Tuesday, March 27, 2007

PAGING DOCTOR FREUD




No this is not a post about penis envy (lol why anyone would envy that is beyond me; I wouldn't wish being kicked in the sack by my kids every other day like my husband). My husband has cause to be concerned over castration anxiety (you can only get hoofed so many times people!) Ah yes the Theory of Sexuality: if you believe in this one; your children will overthrow your husband in a lust quest for you. A little batty; and that is illegal nowadays no? This is also not a post about my ego and id duking it out. Hell it's bad enough my ass is battling my bathroom scale. Ahhhhh but free association: I think this is something I can give props to Freud for. Besides, I don't think hypnotherapy would be a good idea. Don't want you all typing blogs about how you were a chicken in a past lifetime. Let's give it a try shall we?

SAFEWAY GROCERY STORE: Anililation Why oh why when you get carry out service to they INSIST on putting your fruit or baked goods on the bottom; and then put a 24 pack of Diet Pepsi directly on top? Oh yes that's right, if the bread is only 1 mm thick, it has less calories.

SLEEPING: Farce When people tell you all is great once your baby starts sleeping through they night, they are CLEARLY lying in your face!! They don't mention the 101 times your four year old will wake you up at night to ask you to fix a blanket, give you a hug, or even just to say they love you. At 3:00am all I want to hear is the sound of my snoring!

MOTORHOME: Eyesore I have this neighbor in our cul de sac that insists on leaving his piece of crap 1960's motorhome on the street. This thing is not only an eyesore, but it's in the way of everyone, plus it's against City by-laws. Does that stop him from leaving it out there? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You'd think we'd all band together and burn it like it was a witch at the Salem Trials but this guy is loco. He's driven out people behind him already. We are afraid he will retaliate and drive his rusty can through our living room window.

CURIOUS GEORGE: Annoying LOL refer to previous post 2 down for a lengthier explanation on that one!

G-STRING: Disillusioned LOL ok the theory that if your panties are half-way up your butt already, why not just put them their purposely is nuts. Last year I decided to rekindle my inner sex goddess. I got rid of all the "mom undies" I accumulated since I had kids, and bought all nice lacy, pretty g-strings. Back in the day I had only matching bra/panty combos. I figure hubby must be missing my sexy undy days. For those of you who don't know, a g-string ain't all that more comfy. I mean you still are picking at that damn thing!! Except now you have to dig deeper - gross you out yet?

SNOW: Depressing You know I can handle winter in normal environments but ever since we moved here, it's been snow one day, spring jacket weather the next. WHY?????? It's like weather foreplay but you aren't getting off. If it's going to be winter fine, give me the snow and then when it melts in the spring; stay melted!!! Yesterday we got a few inches, and today it's lovely out. Rabbits and birds running amuck; flowers still trying to figure out it they are supposed to bloom. Make up your mind!

I could go on for days... is that a bad thing? I'll continue to lie on the couch here and think about it (as my left eye twitches sporadically). Feel free to book your next session. My time has run out.

11 comments:

Slick said...

Ok, whats so bad about women having to pick the g-strings out from that particular region?

Just imagine the glee on the menfolks faces when every woman in the mall is touching her behind

Elle said...

ROFL - I'll tell you what... I CHALLENGE you to wear a woman's lacy gstring for one week!! Then you come back and tell me what's wrong about it. ;)

My Comfy Chair said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE today's song. Aerosmith is one of my all time fav's!!!!!

Good post. I too wonder about thongs/g strings. Bleck.

Janis said...

ok I am a lone DEFENDER of the THONG!! I do NOT wear lacy thongs because that is just silly! Yes they look lovely but are only practical if you have your husband/boyfriend starring at you with some wood in his pants....meaning they are coming off SOON! I live in cotton/Lycra thongs and am proud of it!! Most comfortable thing EVER!! If I have to wear REG undies I am constantly pulling them out of my ass and that ain't purty.

you will see me in all my glory soon enough...lmao

Elle said...

Looking forward to it Jan ;)

Maria said...

Laughing here at "weather foreplay". My, my, Freud would have something to say about the inner workings of your mind, yes? :)

And g string? I have never worn one. I don't even like bikini underwear. I like my undies to do their job: hold my fat in place.

I do have several lacy pairs from Victoria's Secret, though. But they are briefs and I only wear them sporadically, just enough to keep the interest level up there.

Great post, Elle.

Jolene said...

Oh boy - I can relate to almost everthing.

My take on thongs are that they are a necessary evil. I wear them because there are no pantylines that way. I don't want my butt to appear lumpy. When I get home the business clothes come off, the thong comes off and the granny panties and pj bottoms go on.

Here in upstate NY (upstate as in border of Canada, not Albany) we were practically down to bare grass and wham, we got 8 inches of snow. I won't be taking out the spring stuff anytime soon.

Burg said...

You'd never think a string could be worse than the entire backside of your undies.. I used to have to pull mine out and sleep with it over one cheek. I hate underwear of all kinds, but I also hate going commando. I'm screwed.

Burg said...

I've just tagged you, by the way..

Twisted Cinderella said...

LOL too funny! With the G-String make sure to get them a little bigger than you think,it makes a huge difference.

As for the snow? I am right there with you on that one!

nancy said...

OMG you crack me up.

Thong? Tried it...ain't gonna work for me. Why the hell do I wanna give myself a wedgie? For DH? Whatever, I am gonna 'get it' anyway.