Friday, December 08, 2006


It's been a while coming now... and it's gotten to the point we can't avoid it any longer. Our sweet and beloved chocolate lab Roper has been having a lot of health problems lately. It's only gotten worse over the last year. As hard as it is, we've had the "talk" about the dog, and what our options were.

We took him to the vet where she told us both of his rear knees are shot and require surgery. But since he has major hip dysplasia, and arthritis... there wasn't much a point in trying. Besides that, his liver functioning seems to have taken a nose dive. We can't put him on pain meds for his knees because it'll screw with his liver. Anthetisia from the surgery could really be damaging. He's in a lot of pain, and he can barely walk around most days.

So today I made the call to have him put to sleep. I barely got through the conversation with the receptionist. I was crying on the phone the entire time. She kept asking me stuff like did I want an imprint of his pawprint and did I want his ashes seperate or mixed with other animals. Did I want to be in the room when he died. It was hard not to call it off entirely. I can't believe I'm doing this. I know it's for the best... but at the same time I can't comprehend letting go. He's a sweet dog and he's been through a lot with us. I don't know how it will be not seeing him anymore. I'm still questioning whether I can be in the room when it happens. They assured me it's not painful and is a very peaceful process.

I have one more week with my dog. One last week. It's going to be bittersweet. I only hope he can understand that I'm not trying to be mean... I love him and this is why I'm doing what I'm doing. So why do I feel so terrible?

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