ALL OF LIFE'S QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

So apparently all of life’s answers are obtainable in the course of watching one program on television. Am I being sarcastic? Well duh But in some minds, it’s entirely conceivable to think that listening to one person’s experiences with their autistic child is easily transferred into my life.

My mom called me frantically yesterday morning to tell me that Jenny McCarthy was going to be on The View, and talking about how she overcame her son’s autism. I am familiar with Jenny’s story, and had caught the last ten minutes of her and Holly Robinson-Peete talking about their autistic children on Oprah last week. Actually, that segment interested me a lot, but unfortunately I was on the tarmac and they turned the satellite system off so we could get our plane in the air. By the time they turned it back on, it was Dr. Phil talking about plane etiquette (how ironic).

Later in the afternoon, my mom called me to see if I watched The View. I told her no, actually I had been busy all afternoon, and it slipped my mind (Actually, I can’t stand The View. They never shut up long enough to let anyone actually talk. I mean why bother having a guest on the show if you’re going to cut them off every 1/8 of a second?) So of course mom gave me the verbal play-by-play of the show. How Jenny first realized her son had something wrong with him (... just like Kierra you know... the way she arched her back and tip-toe walked), and how no one would believe her (... just like when you pushed your pediatrician to evaluate her even though he didn’t want to). Typical mom-daughter-television show transference. I mean my mom means well - don’t get me wrong. She’s only trying to help. I just listened to what she had to say. Then mom tells me Kierra should go for blood tests, and that I need to get her on a special diet because Jenny McCarthy’s kid was cured once she put him on these special anti-fungal medications and took all the gluten out of his diet.

Enter exasperated daughter’s sigh. Do people really think I’ve never read about any of these theories pertaining to autism? That if I thought there was a cure-all out there for autism, I wouldn’t have done it by now? How do you explain to someone who just wants to help that it’s all fine and dandy but my kid isn’t Jenny McCarthy’s kid? I told her gently that there is no “cure” for autism. You can manage the symptoms of it, but it never “goes away”. Mom insisted I go out and buy her book though, because if I read it, then I could decide for myself. Granted - I am always interested in people’s takes on autism, and what they have learned from their own journeys. But I’m far past the idea that reading a book is going to fix my kid. Come to my house and see my collection of books on the subject. I once too thought I could find the answers if I just looked hard enough. They I came to the conclusion that if highly-educated scientists can’t figure it out, what chance in hell do I have? I’ve come to terms with it a long time ago. This doesn’t imply I’m above not learning more. I don’t have all the answers, but then again, neither does Jenny McCarthy. She knows her son. She doesn’t know my daughter. She IS a strong advocate for her child. All things aside, this is the most important role she’ll ever play in her child’s life.


Still... I went out last night and bought the damn book. It’s not so much I’m hoping to find the magic answer in there. I think it’s more looking for a connection to another mom out there sharing her story with the world. Maybe to know that it doesn’t matter how famous you are, how much money you make - this is something that can affect anyone out there. I’m a firm believer that it’s only fact if it’s proven. I think I lost the optimistic me three years ago - once I immersed myself in the reality of what I needed to do to help my daughter now. Or maybe there really is still a part of me left in there that is holding out that impossible hope? How else do you explain this book sitting on my bedside table?

I honestly commend Jenny McCarthy, or anyone else for that matter, that openly speaks about how autism affects their life. I think awareness can only accomplish positive things. And for those out there that find that spark of hope out there in another person’s words - hang onto it. For really, in the impossibilities of every dream - at some point it was recognized as a reality.

SNIPS AND SNAILS, PUPPY DOG TAILS... OH AND TOES

You know what I don't get? Childless people that get offended when you talk about children. Procreation is a fact of life people, whether you like it or not. You know what I also don't get? People that think of their dogs AS children. Before I get some pet advocates jumping down my throat let me elaborate my point. I TOTALLY get that pets are loved and cherished. They are always loyal and always there for you. But I've had pets and children - and I'm sorry to say it: my dog never held a candle to the love I felt for my babies. Not saying this means I didn't love my dog. Of course I did!!! He was most probably the best companion we could have ever asked for. But before I had kids (and just had the dog), I certainly never tried to compare my bond with the dog, as the same bond someone had with their newborn baby. And I certainly didn't get bent out of shape when people discussed their children in front of me.

Wonder where I am going with this. Wellllllll, you know it's coming!

I went to a birthday party for a friend of ours. She is currently pregnant with her third child, due next month. There were other acquaintances at this party, some we are also friends with, and some not so much. One person in particular, is a non-mutual friend, and would be the childless person in question. So of course, the hostess being pregnant and all, we were discussing birth and things she was starting to think about in terms of having the baby. Very logical topic I would say. Well every time we'd talk, all of a sudden this childless woman would interject with something about her dog. At first I just thought, ok, maybe she's feeling left out of the conversation. So we turned the topic to dog shows, breeds of dogs... and I might add she's also a vet. Anyways, we discussed dogs for a LONG time - long enough that I think that it's safe to return to the original baby discussion. You can tell she's getting annoyed by it. Rolling eyes, closing of eyes like she's being tortured with a potato peeler - seriously I was about to ask her if she was having a seizure.

So onto the dessert - I'm sitting there eating and the hostess's husband asks me about my epidurals I've had, since his wife has never had one. We're discussing it, and all of a sudden, I swear to God, childless woman shouts out, "I had to cut a cancerous toe off of a dog today. It was so gross!" I think every person in the room stopped their forks mid-mouth and just gaped at her. She's smiling away, because she has our attention (albeit by the grossest means necessary). I instantly get it - she's a major attention whore. Delighted in the fact she has everyone's undivided attention, she then goes on to tell us how she just snapped it off, lickity split. OK, well I don't really want to eat my dessert now. I'm totally disturbed by this mental image of some poor dogs diseased digits. I'm also wondering how she could think this was a good topic to discuss? I mean seriously, people are eating and you start to talk about rotten old dog toes. And for the rest of the night, this was how conversations went. Topic of interest - interjection about her dog - we talk about her dog. Any time I even brought up the kids, her eyes started to roll around her head like Cookie Monster. I'm assuming she'd prefer a dog biscuit though over an Oreo.

At the end of the night, we all gathered at the door, and politely said happy birthday, gave hugs, and looked outside at the pouring rain wondering if it would momentarily stop long enough to dash out. Jarrett said it was time to get home, because we had a babysitter. Childless woman states, "I'm so glad I never have to deal with that! I have my dogs!" OMG seriously!! You have your dogs! Does she realize that she sounds as ludicrous as some deranged cat-lady? Is she going to start wearing her housecoat every day? We get it - you don't want kids... you like to only have dogs! At this point, I'd rather be hit by lightening than sit in the foyer with this crazy person a moment longer!

Now my psychological theory will be presented shortly. Because let's face it, there is a reason for everything a person does. Things are never as simple as saying "I just like dogs". I'm pretty sure she's a little jealous over the fact that A) she's not in a relationship, B) she's not that young anymore, and C) all her friends are married with children now. It wouldn't be a stretch to assume that she wishes she was involved in A, B and C. However, she could just really hate kids and love being a dog owner.

My conclusion is this: not everyone wants the same things in life. Not everyone achieves the same goals in life. It has never been in my nature to sit there and condemn other people who have different interests than myself. I get that not everyone is maternal. Hell, not everyone is an animal lover. In these cases, it's probably best to not bring children into this world or own a chinchilla. But I will tell you this - you will never find me inappropriately talking about gross things about my children to sway the conversation in my favor. As for cancer dog toe lady, one thing can be said. She really likes her dog.

WEDDINGS MAKE ME CRY...

Whew!!

It's amazing how life can be time-consuming huh? By the time I have time to sit down and write something, my mind is drawing a complete blank as to what I should write about. So I'll backtrack a bit - because I tend to do this when I haven't written in a bit.

To back up, my sister's wedding was interesting. As I mentioned before, it was a dry wedding so NO booze. It was Christian music only, so it's not like I was dancing my sober ass off to Sexyback. But, to be fair, it closed down really early. How could you expect it not to? I still wasn't a part of anything, other than the wife of the MC and the sister of the bride. But to be fair, the day wasn't about me.

The ceremony itself was nice. My sister looked awesome, and I'm very happy for them. Actually cried when she walked down the isle. His family is a bunch of cracker jacks - simply put. They acted like our side of the family was a bunch of heathens. Not sure why. His sisters are control freaks from hell, operating under the "holier than thou" premise. They were like gangsters controlling the ceremony programs. A lovely pair those two. His parents weren't much better. Funny story, I went through the receiving line and when I got to his dad, he asks me, "so who are you here for?" I kind of looked at him confused by his tone of voice, and said, "R is my sister." He LITERALLY looked at my chest, and dragged my hand away to get me out of the line!! I couldn't believe it!! I was only wearing a spaghetti strap style dress that came at my knee level. Nothing slutty about it. However, I guess if you compare it to everyone else's dresses... Just because I didn't have my collar buttoned to my eyebrows? I immediately felt embarrassed and pissed off - and wanted to go home. My brother, his fiancee, my best friend, my husband - all assured me I didn't look like a hooker. But for fun, for the rest of the night, everyone referred to me as the family tart. We still all managed to be the crude people we are. We figured if we are all going to hell, might as well go there being happy!

After dinner, a bunch of us went to the hotel bar and bought our "own" drinks. We couldn't handle it anymore - the sanctimonious attitude. I mean Jesus turned water into wine. At church, we drink the blood of Christ (a.k.a. wine). I'm thinking it's probably ok by Jesus to enjoy a sip or two. As such, we sat down and the guys watched the football game. We ended up missing the first dance actually (that's fine), and the bouquet toss (I can't catch it anyways, I'm married remember?) and the garter toss (I don't have a penis so I'm not eligible for this event either). At some point in the night, the wedding in the next banquet hall had turmoil. One of their bridesmaids collapsed and was being intubated in the hotel lobby. Pretty serious situation. While paramedics were there and all, I left them be in spite of my wound. I danced with my brother who seriously hurt my shoulder spinning me around, and he cut my foot up stepping on it. Cut to the point of blood. I'm serious - cut it up. Does he have razor blades in the soles of his shoes? I have a huge gouge in the top of my foot. I wasn't the only one. Both my nieces had bleeding blisters from the shoes their mom made them wear. All kids left the hotel without shoes and crying.

Once the wedding let out, around 11:30pm - we all went back to mom and dads. The true high-light of the night was when my grandma came downstairs and someone said, "Here's grandma" and she went to do this fancy bow - and let us this huge, greasy fart! At first no one said anything, until my lovely nephew started to crack up. We all couldn't help it - we started to laugh too. I shared my traumatizing "tit stare" story again with the family because let's face it - it was rude. And while this is the important point, I still have a few interesting facts that I have learned:

A) Just because you are religious, doesn't mean you can treat people like crap because (be honest old man), you are a man, and you were checking out my rack and got caught. Don't act like an asshole because you felt guilty looking at the Jezebel relative of your daughter-in-law.

B) My family still has their issues, especially uncles who can't let things go from when I was 17 years old (please get over it sir). I told you that you were stupid over 15 years ago. I was a teenager - we say this stuff!! Could you stop bringing it up at every family function? It's getting old.

C) Never buy Kierra a dress with hand-stitched beading, unless you don't care that she spends the evening plucking them off. She doesn't acknowledge you spent a ton on it, or that her mother can't fix it because she's totally incapable of even sewing a button on.

D) Don't dance with my brother - unless you have good insurance. Cut it up - I'm serious!

E) Don't stand behind Grandma unless you have a sinus infection, or are doing a Jackass-like skit. Old people fart a lot and usually don't care too much. They figure they've been alive this long; it's their God-given right to fart whenever they feel like it (although I think sometimes they don't even know they are going to, or have done it).

Have a great day!

WEDDING BELLES

I'm off to my sister's wedding. Well not right now actually. Later tonight. We are flying out at 8:00 pm tonight. Which reminds me... smack husband who doesn't know better than to book flights 1/2 hour after their kids bedtime, and that arrives in destination around 11:00 pm. HMMMMMMM doesn't this sound like a recipe for disaster people?

Yesterday, in preparation for the event, I went and bought the girls purple fru-fru dresses. They are totally cute. My husband, who is MC'ing the event STILL hasn't written the speech. However, in his defense, the man makes presentations almost every day to executives. I think he can handle a wedding. Call me crazy.

I am still SICK!!! The past two days were miserable. I thought you know, in three days time I'd feel MUCH better. I'm even taking that enchanacia stuff that is supposed to cut your cold down substantially. Either it doesn't work, or if I hadn't taken it, I'd be dead by now. This morning I woke up totally unable to breathe through my nose, my ears are all plugged up and now it seems to be settled into my chest. NICE!! Flying with headcold? GREAT! My eardrums should implode somewhere on landing. If you hear a shrill scream from a country away, that'd be me. We are going to the doctor this morning. Only because this was the earliest we could get in. Sigh - I highly doubt any medication he gives me will be helpful for this evening.

Anyways, I still have packing to do so I should get a move on. For those of you noticing I haven't been a really good blogger lately - yeah I know. I suck. You can say it. Things have just been nuts lately so it's hard to sit down and just type out a few words. I will try to be better.

See you next week!

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE

OK so maybe not worlds... but situations that don't mix well. When those collide, you darn well know you are in for a day of hurting. I hurt... I hurt!

Yesterday, our friend Alana had a birthday and to celebrate, we had a Tiki party. Which meant dressing up all crazy, and drinking a lot of tropical drinks. This was fine. I showed up in the most "island" shirt I could find - which wasn't the greatest but eh - good enough. I did my hair up with a bunch of red flowers in the back - I figured this counteracted the awful shirt I was wearing. Throughout the course the evening, I had 5 margaritas (whoops lost count there) and something else that was pink and fruity. I wasn't drunk by any means, just feeling happy - and went home around 12:30. I should say I had a fabulous time, even though several of my friends were quite inebriated. One friend's husband asked to sniff the fake flowers in my hair - he was so pissed he wasn't sure if they were real or not. Another guy basically ousted his sex life as being dull with his wife. Ooopsy there fella - you sure aren't getting any for sure now! There are a lot more interesting quips I won't bother to share. Mostly because you never know who might be reading this, and what they may or may not remember from the night before.

This morning, I wake up feeling slightly hanging, but nothing major but also with a headcold. Now you put a minor hanger and a cold together, you know you are going to feel like complete and utter crap. Being on Dayquil - it doesn't make the hangover feel better. All I could think today is I can't wait for night so I can sleep. I think life would be a whole lot better if I could breathe out of my left nostril right about now. Plus Kierra is being a major PITA today - you'd think she'd been the one drinking last night. I'd hate to see her the day she turns legal.

So here's a lesson to all: Unless you are taking multi-vitamins religiously, are in wonderful health, and can hold your liquor better than me - I wouldn't attempt what I did in the last 48 hours!

SCHOOL DAZED, CONFUZED AND SCHMOOZED

I absent-mindedly remembered (or forgot to remember) that I started to tell you about my run-in with the twins school earlier this week. BAD ME!!! I suppose for those of you left wondering, I should fill you in.

Tuesday, the twins had their staggered entry day. This seemed to go fine. Kierra had a few minor meltdowns but the teacher assured me it was fine and to be expected. Later that day, I get a call from the principal telling me that they might have to move the twins to the morning kindy class. Apparently there are 3 high needs kids in this class, and they didn't fully realize that one of the children were more high needs than they actually were. I tell her no we can't move to the morning, because Kierra has specialized services (in-home therapy) in the mornings. This can't be moved, and we had discussed this in April when I registered them for Kindy. She says ok that's right, and that's the end of it.

Or so I thought....

The next day (the day before school officially starts) I get a phone call in the morning from the principal again. She tells me she's sorry, but the twins will HAVE to move to the morning class. I tell her no, they can't. She says she realizes the problem it poses but there is nothing they can do about it! I'm furious!! How do they expect me to respond to this? I ask them why another child can't be moved, and she replies "there are reasons". Oh how stupid of me! REASONS!! Do any of them surmount to their children being forced out of therapy? Most likely not!!! I tell her it's not in the best interests for Kierra to loose therapy services. Her therapist can't simply switch from the morning to the afternoon! Again sorry.

I hang up and start to flip out! I mean fully flip out! I call Jarrett and the moment he answers I start to bawl incoherently to him about the situation. I'm not sure if it took the third time of my explanation before he understood what I was exactly saying. Of course this pisses him off! Then the principal calls back on the other line saying, "Just wait, we're trying to sort this out. Go relax and have a coffee until we get back to you." EXCUSE ME! Don't tell me to relax!!!

Now I call the foundation Kierra gets her in-home services from. They tell me that my therapist would have to be pulled (as of the next day), and they would have to re-assign someone else, WHICH COULD TAKE UP TO TWO MONTHS!! So my kid would have NO therapy for TWO months! I didn't think the situation could possibly get worse until I was told she would probably have to be re-assigned a new speech therapist, occupational therapist and psychologist!

Fully expecting to go to the school that day, and reeming the principal a new one, I make arrangements to have someone watch the girls for a few hours. A fresh headache is coming on and I'm popping motrin like M&M's. Finally the principal calls me and tells me that they moved another student (bully for you!), and that the twins can remain in the afternoon class........ for now! I say what does FOR NOW mean? Apparently if it's still a problem, they reserve the right to pull them out of that class and put them in another. OMG are you serious? Part of me is happy that this isn't going to mess everything up, the other part of me feels sick thinking I'm going to have to re-live this moment again!

Fast forward two days. Everything seems fine. The twins are enjoying their new class. Last night around 8pm, I get a call from who? The principal. She just wants to comment me on this short story I wrote and distributed to the teacher about being friends with someone with Autism. I had a copy for every child/parent with my information if they wanted to discuss it more. First off, I don't think kuddos are necessary. She's my kid, and as such, I do this because I'm trying to develop a good relationship from the get-go with Kierra and her classmates. Second, she's clearly kissing my ass telling me how wonderful I am. Then she goes on about how the girls are doing wonderfully and how happy they are to have them in that class. I politely tell her the girls enjoy it too. Me and hubby had to laugh: how desperate can you be to call someone up on a Friday night because you know you regally pissed them off earlier in the week? I should be happy I suppose. This week could have ended very differently: me highly medicated.

So there you have it! Who would've thunk that my children's first week of Kindergarten would be so emotionally fueled???? Then again, if you knew the history of me, you'd know this would be the more likely scenario. Things can NEVER be simple around here!

SUMMER WOES... NEW F0UND FOES

First off... I'm BACK!!!! I know, long time no type. I missed you all though if it's any consolation. I wonder how many of you will be back to read my witty remarks LOL.

So short story: My visit home wasn't really all that and a big mac. In fact, wish I didn't go. No need to get into all the gory details, but let's just say I would've been happier to stay home. The only shining moment was my best bud Christy asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding (which I was totally excited about).

Things I learned on my trip: A) my mother likes to pick on my about my weight, B) my sister is a stress-case and should be avoided at all costs, C) mom's isn't as fun when the plasma t.v. kaputs the second day of the trip, D) mom's isn't as fun when you don't have a computer, E) you can't swim in your parent's out door pool when the weather really sucks, F) the bed at mom's house sucks and should never be attempted to sleep upon, G) life is harder when you don't have your husband to help you with the kids for two weeks, and H) sitting in the van for 15.5 hours doesn't feel any better when you know you have to do it again in 13 days time.

As I said, better off staying home.

Then I get home, run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, because the girls start school the next day and I have to buy all the ballet stuff for Jenna and Karis. Seems easy no? Well not really. I paid about $145.00 for their ballet clothing SHEESH!!! I'm going out on a limb and saying total rip-off. That and they better like ballet!! Then today the principal of the school tries to screw up my entire life by switching the girls from an afternoon program to the morning (I'll tell you tomorrow about THAT story). So today was stress-from-hell. Maybe I should have stayed at mom and dad's after all?

Anyways, I'm looking forward to catching up with all of you!!!!

NATIONAL LAMPOONS SUMMER VACATION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN

Hopefully we aren't hog-tying Aunt Edna to the roof of the car... or dragging a poor dog down the highway... but we are about to embark on our own Griswold family adventure!!

My bags are semi-packed and ready to go. Today has been a little helter/skelter because (I can't believe I'm admitting this) - I'm totally disorganized. Usually I have my lists of stuff. Nope. I have clean clothes piled up ever where and suitcases waiting to be filled. I have no doubt I'll get it done before I go to bed (I may be going to bed at 3am though). But the plan is to get up at 6am and be out the door at 7am. HA!!! I say HA because my husband NEVER gets out the door in time; even though he sets the "leave by" time. Hypocrite no?

This week, we enrolled Karis and Jenna into ballet classes. I would have enrolled Kierra but I have to be honest, I don't think she'll participate or follow direction and it's too much to pay for a child who just does their own thing. Jarrett decided he'll take her for ice skating lessons. So she'll enjoy that. I am smart - I must say. I knew better than to go to registration and my kindly and oblivious husband offered to go. I told him, it starts at 5:30 - be there early. He got there around 5:15 and there was a line-up out to the sidewalk! LOL - this is where my smartness comes into play. I KNEW this would happen. He was my sacrificial lamb. He stood there for an hour, amongst women and their crying kids. He was the only brave dad there. But by golly, he stuck with it, and enrolled our kids in dance. Cost us $780.00 for the year for the two of them (yes you can yell holy crap) - but what's done is done.

Back to our trip. So I'll be gone until September. I don't know how much access to the computer I'll have. I don't imagine too much. We do have to do the token stay at the in-laws, but I'm only going to have to stay there two nights. THANK GOD!!! Then the rest of the time I can be at my parents. I'm already having plans... involving my bud Christ and her little one to come swimming in mom and dad's pool every afternoon. We are also going to go wedding dress shopping for her, since she just got engaged last month! I'm so psyched!! Can't wait. The only thing that sucks is Jarrett flies back home on Monday and we won't see him for ten days. He has this thing called work - so he's more than generous to drive us to mom and dad's, fly home... and then fly back to pick us up again. Even after that dance class registration stunt I pulled... Isn't he a doll?

My sister is also trying to recruit me to help her with last minute wedding things. She's getting married in less than a month, and is totally un-prepared! It's insane. They don't even have a DJ yet??!!!! WTF? I'm not her matron of honor or anything for that matter, so I may idly sit by and smile at her chicken-with-its-head-cut-off routine. She would be organized if I had a part in it you know. Ah vindictiveness. It's all good though.

When we finally get back, I have exactly TWO days to get the twins all ready for school. We get home the Sunday, they have staggered entry on Tuesday, and start full-time by Wednesday. Plus I'm the class organizer person thing-a-ma-jig. I basically call parents and harass them to volunteer. I'm sure by November, everyone will have blocked my number and will have chat rooms designated to how much they hate me.

Anyways, I should get back to the art of packing. Lord knows no one else is going to do it (especially someone whose wife filled up the van, cleaned out the van, picked up his dry cleaning and bought batteries because she apparently isn't busy enough). That's fine - he's bringing home dinner tonight! So take care all and I'll be seeing you!

And for good measure while I'm gone...

T MINUS TWO

I am in the midst of trying to clean my house, wash all the clothes and pack for a two week trip to my mom and dad's in exactly two days. So far, I managed to only get the girls' clothes washed (hey that's 3 loads), plus I did all the towels and socks. I haven't cleaned bupkiss yet - which is driving me nuts. I don't have much time left to get it done.

So I'll be missing until I get it done!!! I'll post tomorrow with something more witty!

PAIN IN THE ..... BACK

Oh my aching back!!! Don't ask how it happened - because I honestly don't know. One minute I was fine, the next it felt like my sciatic nerve was going haywire, followed by back spasms. This was Friday night. Saturday was much of the same, as was Sunday. Finally here is Monday!! My chiropractor's office is open (THANK GOD!), so hopefully he can fix me up. The whole right side of my body is screwed up. From ribcage to hip.

The reason I'm really worried about it is because I'm going on a 16 hour car ride this Saturday to mom and dad's. I honestly don't think I can sit there like that if my back is all jacked up. I'm hoping whatever the problem is, it's easily fixed. I'm positive my husband doesn't want to listen to me bitch and bitch across three Provinces.

I haven't been to my chiro in almost 6 months or more. When I first started to see him, I was there twice a week. Turns out my spine has major curvature that they figure was from when I was born (I was born face up). This would explain why I could never touch my toes - EVER. If your spine isn't straight, you aren't bending over too much. It might also explain why I had a hell of a time trying to birth my kids. My pelvis was also twisted, which is why one leg was a tad shorter than the other. You'd think this would be a huge problem. Not so. My doctor stripped my muscles so they would learn to hold my bones where they SHOULD be. I still have a bit of curvature, but it's a lot better. The spur on my vertebrae can't be fixed without surgery, and was from spinal compression. I can live with that. It's a hell of a lot better than being some old lady who is so hunched up, all she see's is her sagging tits and her orthopedic shoes.

Back to my point: so I'm trying to function the last few days in pain. I could see if I had been in a car accident or something, but when you are just sitting there and all of a sudden - BAM - it's odd. It also freaks me out because I don't want this sudden back issue to spring up on my during my trip. So cross your fingers that things are put back in place easily, and stay the hell there!!!

DON'T FORGET...

If you are into scrapbooking, and would love the chance to win some free scrapbooking materials, enter K8's contest and you could win some great stuff.



All you have to do is copy and paste the link from her page and mention her name, where she's at, and you are entered to win! You also need to email her to let her know that you are in the contest!



As you can see, I would really like to win because I totally am a scrapbooking junkie and hey, free stuff is awesome!



OK I'll stop now, because I'm being rather obnoxious....




OK maybe just once more LOL


And just because I saw this and thought it was funny....

My blog is worth $17,500.74.
How much is your blog worth?

Who would've thunk my thoughts were worth something?

DRESS IT UP

Dear Shop Owner,

I am wondering what kind of business you are running. I had come into your store over two weeks ago, looking for a dress to wear to my sister's wedding. I found one that was perfect, except for the fact it was one size too big. After what seemed like a lengthy conversation, you told me you could get one from a store 3 hours away (although you first suggested I DRIVE there to get it myself). I suggested you have it delivered here since I was paying over $250.00 for it. You told me that your store policy requires a 20% down payment on the dress, which I readily paid. You told me you would call when the dress came in (in about a week).

I called your store last week, to ask about the status of my order. The clerk simply said, "Have we called you?" I said no, to which she snipped, "Well we'll call you."

Yesterday I was at the mall, and decided to check on the order status. The first question was "Did we call you?" Me, getting a bit pissy, told you I'm leaving town for two weeks, and I would rather find out NOW when the dress would be here. You flipped through your little binder, couldn't find it (because apparently you filed it by my first name, not my last name), and then finally found it and declared the dress was UNAVAILABLE. I wasn't sure what that meant, since you were standing there like an idiot. When I asked for clarification, you checked your computer and said that the smaller size I needed was sold already from the store you were supposed to get it from. I asked when you knew about it, and apparently two days after I first came in.

Now, here is my issue. You KNEW the dress wasn't coming in, but you didn't call me. When I called you last week, you could have found out then it wasn't coming in, but you refused to look. When you knew it wasn't coming in you didn't offer me back my 20% down payment, which you should have considering you weren't trying to get the dress from another store elsewhere. After I got in your face, you look in your computer and see there are several dresses in the size I require, in other stores in Ontario, which is three Provinces away. I ask if you can get it from there. You hmmm and hawww, and I remind you that you still have my money, and that you should have called me when you found out you couldn't get the other dress. You tell me that you can fax the store in Toronto, but it'll take a few weeks to get here. Then you tell me you can't guarantee that I'll have it in time for my sister's wedding.

By now, I'm ready to pop a vein in my head. I try hard not to yell at your ignorance, since my children are with me. Your clueless clerk tries to show me other dresses, which are totally hideous. One is metallic bronze (am I from the 80's and a streetwalker?), and another is a black and white polka dot fru-fru dress that would be appropriate for a 16 year old girls' Sweet Sixteen party (I'm 31 by the way). I demand I get my money back, and you are shocked. After all, why should it bother me that I may or may not have a dress five days before my sister's wedding. You then suggest I buy the larger size and alter it (we went over this already - you can't alter a dress that is hand beaded by the seams). THEN you insult me by telling me that the size small wouldn't fit properly anyways, even though I have over an inch on each side in the larger one.

Decided to be distinguished, I leave your store without punching one of your clerks in the head or kicking the crap out of a mannequin. I would just like to add, I will NEVER set foot in your store again EVER! And if this is your idea of customer service, I'm shocked you are still in business.

Sincerely,
Unsatisfied Customer

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

How many of you parents out there are currently, or have experienced, the dreaded "bad dream" phase? I urgently wave my hand in the air. I did it with Jenna for almost a year (very aggrivating when your kid won't tell you WHAT the dream is about), I'm doing it with Karis (same as the first, second verse).

Hubby and I figured maybe Kierra doesn't dream - or that her dreams are a lot different than typical children. I mean, how should I really know? I can't exactly simulcast the dreams she has. But the one thing I have noticed is that ever since she started sleeping through the night around eight months of age, Kierra simply NEVER wakes up at night. She certainly has never cried out in her sleep, or had a bad dream. I found it fascinating really - why wouldn't she? My question was answered last night - Kiera does in fact, have bad dreams.

Around 3:00 am I woke up to crying, figuring it was probably Karis. As I woke up a little more out of my Advil PM stupor, I realized the cry was Kierra. I was startled, and ran out of the room and down the hall to her. She was just lying in bed, crying and very upset. When I tried to comfort her, she asked for her daddy (sheesh that's kinda a kick in the pants). So I went to get Jarrett and as soon as he walked in the door, she calmed down and went back to bed.

Jarrett and I are stumped. Not only because less than a week ago went by that we were talking about this EXACT subject, but we have no clue what the dream was about. With the other kids, they are capable of telling us, even when they don't. But Kierra doesn't really have much of a means. She does talk somewhat, but it's equivalent to a 1 1/2 to a 2 year old's speech ability. My husband asked me if this revelation is good or bad. I looked at him in surprise and said, "How can it be bad?" I guess he was worried this was a negative impact in her progress. I, however, think the exact opposite. Shouldn't it be encouraging that Kierra's mind would work in a way that would produce a dream that would worry her? That she is thinking beyond perhaps her rigid ways? Or maybe it means totally nothing - she's just a five year old girl that finally had a dream scary enough to make her want her daddy.

But really - I can't help but wonder about it.

MOVING ON UP, DOWN... ALL AROUND

Whoops - I've been absent (smacks own hand). With the week-end, and it being the August LONG week-end here in Canada, you'll have to excuse me for not wanting to be a slave to the computer. To be perfectly honest, I don't spend much time at home lately, or at least in my house. It's too nice to sit inside. Soon enough our whole month of summer will be over, and I'll be held captive in this house once again.

So new on the home front... my husband is determined to get us relocated to Houston, Texas next summer. It's his so-called mission in life. He was there again on a business trip last week. He says he truly misses living in the States, and being in Calgary never has felt like "home". *Sigh* - who am I to argue? I made living in Michigan a living hell. I was so unhappy there - if it hadn't been for the three babies I was taking care of, I might've had more time to complain. To be honest though - I'm not exactly vetoing the whole Houston move. I too enjoyed living in the States. And I'll say it - there are things that I miss about it. For one, adequate medical care. 'Nough said. It may be "free" here (it's not, you pay for it in your gargantuan taxes), but you get what you pay for. This is particularly bad in Calgary because we are had a major population influx, and didn't get the matching influxes in our medical care, police, fire department or schools. Too many people - not enough resources. It's really sad. Plus, service when you go anywhere completely blows. You can sit in a drive thru at Burger King for at least 30 minutes because I think only two people are working there, each for $25.00 an hour. It's insane.

For now, Calgary is the place to be. It is probably the best place in North America to be with an autistic child. Only because Alberta is a debt free Province, and they have the best therapeutic resources for the disabled. Back in Michigan, Kierra was considered "lucky" to get two hours a week in therapy services. Here, she get's 3 hours a day, five days a week. PLUS she got her special ed pre-school services damn near free, and that was 20 hours a week as well. I think the move here was the best thing we ever did - because it is when we saw the most progress in Kierra. Plus I actually do like it here. We met good friends, I love my house, and I love living the City life. I don't think I could do the small town thing again. I've been acclimated to the hustle and bustle of city life. However, once Kierra hits grade one (next fall), she'll no longer have those extended services (she'll just get what the board of education offers), so we have no reason to stay other than we want to. The great thing about hubby's company is that it's international, so he can move pretty much anywhere they operate a pipeline.

Part of me wishes we could move back to where the family is. Even living in Calgary, I'm still isolated from them. I haven't lived with or near family since I moved out after high school graduation. I'm used to it I suppose - not being there for all the holidays and missing out on birthdays and what not. Unfortunately, Manitoba doesn't exactly have the financial gain for hubby that Alberta does. But I wonder if I'll ever look back and regret not being closer to family. I'm sure I will at some point. I remind myself constantly that we have to do what's in the best interests of "our" family. Still, I wish I could pick up selected members of the extended one, and bring them where ever we go. Others... I'm content to let em rot where they are (LOL I'm not full of animosity or anything).

One thing is for sure, we just never know where we'll end up next. Occupational hazard and all. But that's the way we roll. Never stay anywhere too long, and always looking for new adventure on the horizon.

RECALL FOR LEAD PAINT

So I'm sure many of you have read about the massive recall of Fisher Price toys. It is a nationwide recall - because these toys have lead paint on them. When I first heard about it, I didn't really worry too much. Until I saw that over 900,000 toys were being recalled. When I scanned the list, my heart dropped. My children own almost ALL of the Dora the Explorer products being recalled. Some of the figures which Kierra puts in her mouth.

I'm now in seek and remove mode. Once I do that, I'll re-check all the serial numbers (I'm sure they are the ones though), and do what I have to to get my money back. This is complete bullshit though. I'm also calling our pediatrician to make sure that the girls don't need blood tests to check for lead poisoning.

Please look at this list and check all your toys that you think could be subject to this recall.

http://www.service.mattel.com
Recall hotline: 800-916-4499

Consumer Product Safety Commission
http://www.cpsc.gov

GOOD NIGHTS... GOOD FRIGHTS

I am one of those people that cannot stand to be in this house at night by myself. Children excluded of course; it's a give-in that they'll be with me. So I'll elaborate and say I hate sleeping in this house when my husband isn't home. He is gone for two nights - which normally isn't a big deal. In fact, he barely goes on business trips (especially over night ones). This is a special circumstance however, and so I have to deal with it. During the day it's fine, although by the time I put the kids to bed, I am silently cursing his name for not giving me the usual 2 hour reprieve I usually get from the time he gets home until the kids are tucked in. As I said, it's part of work and can't be avoided. But the night is different. That's when I start becoming a total freak.

I think I have separation anxiety or something. I'm always envisioning that someone will break in the house or something like that. I sweetly remind my husband if we had an alarm on the house, I wouldn't be so paranoid. He tells me that the chances of someone breaking into our house are slim. We live in a highly populated area, in a cul de sac without many escape routes. Statistical analysis aside, I still don't feel secure if he's not here with me. I jokingly told him I know I can outrun him in case of a home invasion - so he's increasing my odds considerably for a narrow escape. If he's not home, I have to book it with three kids. Plus the house is so big, I probably wouldn't even know someone was there until they were standing over my pillow. Yes I have issues.

Also, I think part of it is I hate to sleep alone. I'm used to my lumbering bear beside me. He's been there for the better part of 14 years - so when he's not there, I feel his absence. He admits he sleeps like crap in hotel rooms because of this exact same reason. So last night I lying in bed at 12:20am, with no inkling of falling asleep. I decided maybe it'd help to have a bed mate... so I went to Karis' room, plucked her out of bed, and snuggled with her in mine. At first she had no clue what was going on. She was snoozing away contently. Then at one point, she opened her eyes, smiled at me in the dark, and turned around and farted. Lovely - just like her father. We had a nice little cuddle for about an hour. Then I remembered she is the worst person in the world to share a bed with. She wriggles, flips, kicks and clings to you like saran wrap. After I had enough of our little hug session, I delivered her back to her own bedroom, where I gratefully spread-eagled across my own mattress happy to have the bed to myself. By this time I was so tired, I couldn't care less if three axe murderers came in and had a tea party at the foot of my bed.

It's amazing how sleeping with a three-year old can change your perspective of lonely nights.

PARENTING 101

It's so funny when you meet "new" parents. They seem so self-assured that they have a handle on things. They politely turn down years of parenting advice because they, in fact, have their own parenting ideologies by which they live by. And nothing is funnier than watching a new parent realize they don't have all the answers after all.

This week-end, we went to a birthday party for our neighbors child. We are all good friends, so we all came bearing gifts. The girls all decked out as princesses (as this was the dress code). One of our mutual friends (and one of J's poker buddies) came with their six month old daughter. I haven't seen her since she was a newborn and she was such a sweetie pie. Of course we all came out with our horror stories about when our own kids were babies. Funny things they did, embarrassing instances where we were in public and they threw up on us.

As we started to discussion introducing solids, the mother took a red bell pepper from the vegetable tray and let he baby gum it. Since she didn't have any teeth, she figured it was reasonable to do so. I kind of looked at my other friend with a "what the hell is she doing" look, since they just finished saying they introduced rice cereal the same week. Figuring I'm not about to interject, she goes on to say that the baby really seems to enjoy the pepper. All I'm thinking is for a tiny little tummy, perhaps a gassy old pepper isn't the best thing to give her. That and what if she got a piece of it off. The mother assures us that since she doesn't have any teeth, this can't happen (see where this is going yet?).

So she hands the baby off to the daddy, who continues to let her suck on this pepper. All of a sudden, I catch a flash of red chunk in her mouth and yell, "She's got a piece off in her mouth!" and proceed to push her forward and sweep her mouth. By this time, the mom is frantic and the dad looks like he's in shock. They get the piece out (as big as a dime) and the baby starts to cry. No doubt because she was a little taken aback by these adults assaulting her over a piece of red bell pepper. However, she quickly calms down - no harm, no foul. You can tell she's rather embarrassed though. After all her expert proclaiming and such. All the veteran parents just eye each other with the "you'd think they'd listen" expression and say nothing, only offering comfort to the newbies who's six month old almost choked on a piece of veggie.

After about five minutes, we were all over the incident and talking amongst ourselves, when the father, still holding the baby, offers the baby the red pepper again! At this point I'm thinking, "Are you total void of intelligence here?" and finally say, "Do you really think that's a good idea seeing she just had a close call?" He blushes and puts the pepper away. You know of course, after they left, we all talked about how amateur they really are.

But that gets you to thinking... or at least me anyways. Was I like that when I first had my kids? I don't think I was, but then again... For me, I was so overwhelming with having the twins, I was happy to accept any tidbits of help I could possibly get. I also learned quickly that all my preconceived notions of how I would parent were idiotic and coming from the brain of someone who never had a child. It's so funny though - how some of us refuse to budge from those mindsets even after they are in the game already. Perhaps to admit they were wrong is a lot worse than to be made an example of in public. In any case, I was happy the baby was fine. However, I highly doubt they learned that they didn't have all the answers. They just learned not to give a baby a pepper to munch on.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Whew!!! Kierra has been giving me a run for my money that last week. I'm not exactly sure what is going on with her, but to sum up in one word: Tantrumrama!

Every little thing seems to set her off lately. She spied a favorite shirt of hers in the laundry pile and when I wouldn't give it to her, she followed me around the house for about 4 hours screaming and pitching fits. When working with her therapist, she's being extremely rigid and doesn't want to do the task asked of her. Every time she gets upset, she's either screaming or crying. It gets to the point I just want to cancel her therapist for the day just to get some piece and quiet. I can see how hard she is pushing her, and how frustrated Kierra is becoming. Maybe it's hard for us to remind ourselves how little she still is. Maybe we've been so hell-bent on getting this kid on a roll; we focus more on the autism than the child. If I need a vacation from it all, I think maybe Kierra needs a vacation for it all as well.

So me and the man have made an executive decision to go to my mom's for a week in August. All we are going to do is sit poolside and relax. I think it would be great for Kierra (and for me!). Thinking logically, this kid works longer and harder than most adults. Until school vacation, she was doing therapy all morning, having 1/2 hour lunch, and then going to school for therapy all afternoon. She's been doing this since she was three years old (she just turned five). Although she has made great advances by leaps and bounds, part of me is scared of her suffering a therapy burn-out. So hopefully our little get-away will do her some good.

Today I've decided we are doing therapy at the Zoo. Social outings actually are a part of her therapy, but in a way, it's not really work. It's fun - which I think she could use. After that, I'm putting out the kiddie pool, and we are just going to sit in the sun and mellow.

For me, I've pretty much hit stress toleration points. It's those moments in your mommy hood where you honestly say if you don't get away from your kid, you are going to put her in the drop box for the homeless at the grocery store. I've usually prided myself on my ability to tough it out through some miserable times. But when it's every single day for a week - after a while your cool starts to shake loose. Last night I declared shopping night, and ditched the kids with hubby. In hindsight it was a good trip: I bought two gowns and two bathing suits for upcoming occasions. I just hope the next day brings a happier Kierra.

A FUZZY GRIM REAPER

I came across this article on the web today (some of you may also have read it), about this cat Oscar. Oscar lives in a nursing home where most of the elderly are living with dementia or terminally ill diseases. He has been living there for the past 2 years - he was adopted by the staff when he was a kitten.

The thing about Oscar is he can predict when someone is about to die, within a 4 hour time frame. Sounds crazy huh? But apparently he has been right about over 25 deaths. He simply curls up beside the person who is about to die. Doctors and nurses first thought it was a strange coincidence but now think he can actually tell when someone is about to die. Apparently when the staff sees him take his place beside a resident, they immediately call the family members so they can arrive in time.

So people are speculating whether he knows this based on the cues of the nurses, or if he really have an ability to perceive when someone is about to die. I personally think it's instinctual. I mean if an animal can tell a storm is coming, why can't they know death is coming? We already know that animals have sensory abilities much more magnified than humans. Perhaps it's the release of a chemical before death or something. I mean how does a bloodhound track people? Smell. There are even pets that can sense when someone is about to have a seizure. Is it so hard to believe that a cat wouldn't smell death?

Hopefully the residents don't really know the association with this cat and the life beyond. I know I would be freaked out if this cat perched beside me! However, perhaps it is a comfort to have a furry friend puring beside you as you slip away. In any case, I thought this was reallly interesting.

VACATION HI-JACKING?

OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

So my intimate cruise for two to Baja has now become party of four and very un-intimate cruise to Baja. Care to know the gory details? Ah I knew I'd peek your interest my pretties!!! This is why you come here no? To get the nitty gritty on my so-called life.

So right after we booked, Jarrett went to a poker game with some friends of ours. You know how it is: they let their guts hang out, talk about their wives, and most likely watch porn as they play Texas Hold Em ... basically dare to act in the most extreme opposite way they possibly could when out of the delicate earshot of women who could make their lives miserable. I can't blame them - let's face it. Not all about the trip to Vancouver was divulged. He would have a tad of a coronary I'd think. Anyways, Jarrett mentions to our friend and neighbor we are going on this fabulous cruise in October. No biggie - it wasn't exactly a secret. They themselves were planning on renting a house in Mexico in January. Sharing vacation plans - it's just something we always do.

Fast forward a few days: they are coming with us now. At first I was a little put off. I honestly didn't think they would come when we first started to talk about it. I mean I was just being courteous at first, saying yes it would be fun if we all went. No of course I wouldn't feel like they were imposing. After all they are our friends; and I didn't want to hurt them by saying we'd rather this be a two-some trip. Jarrett pointed out it wouldn't be so bad. I mean he was sure they'd do their thing and we could do ours, and we'd meet up at points to hang together. I said okay, I guess that's not bad. We can still have a romantic time. And so yes, they decide to book with us as well. It's fine really ... it'll still be fun.

Then she drops a bomb: she books the room RIGHT BESIDE US!! Ummmm okay. Jarrett agrees this creeps us out a tad. I mean it's not like they are in the same room, but lets face it. If you are having some loud, raunchy sex - you don't want the people you live next door to, to hear you. There is something to say for space. Well apparently not for them! She then tells me her travel agent said if she could get our booking number, she could book us together for everything!

Say what now?

I surrender this information. What else can I do? It's a classic scenario of being between a rock and a hard place. Too bad it wasn't more confined and didn't squish my head.

I'm not exactly one of those people that would say, "Whoa now!" Like I said, I'm kinda a sucker and I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Jarrett says well dinner arrangements would be okay, since we'd have to sit with 4 total strangers otherwise. I agree with this, saying ok - no biggie. Then she calls Jarrett last night to ask him if he wants to do something with her hubby on a shore excursion so that way we can do something "girly." We only have two ports of call: Ensenada and Cabo San Lucas. No offense to them, but I kinda wanted to do something with my hubby. This vacation wasn't to divide and conquer... it was to spend some relaxing time together sans kids. I suddenly feel like my entire vacation has been hi-jacked. Jarrett told her that we already had some excursions in mind and that we would be doing one of those. Implying if they wanted they could join us, but we aren't doing our "own" thing. I personally think he took the wind out of her sails. Sorry kiddo - but you know that's what we had planned from the get-go. Hell I'd even go marlin fishing with the man. I just want to spend some time with him.

Jarrett assures me it will be okay. It just feels like the ideology of our trip has really changed. I do enjoy our friends company (don't get me wrong; they can be a TON of fun). But part of me feels we need to address this just so we get some guidelines in place now. They are an enthusiastic bunch (could ya tell???) but at the same time, we have our own ideas of what we want out of this vacation. Could someone please send me a hostage negotiator????