Saturday, July 07, 2007


So as I previously mentioned, we Calgarians are now kicking off our annual Calgary Stampede (dubbed the greatest outdoor show on this Earth). In all actuality it's the richest rodeo in the entire world. Cowboys here become millionaires! I wish I was a cowgirl.......

I also mentioned my in-laws are here (round of applause insert here). It's been okay thus far. We did the zoo (Mother in law almost ripped the skin off my forearm because she saw a snake and she's deadly afraid of snakes). We saw a good portion of the zoo (it's pretty big to walk the entire thing). We also went to Callaway Park, which is our local amusement park. I have to say that it was EXTREMELY hot. So hot in fact, skin could've boiled off of bones. Not what you'd normally expect in the Rocky Mountain region. But nevertheless HOT!!! We also spent a lot of time outside watching the girls play in their pool.

Yesterday we went to the parade. This is a LONG parade but I have a story associated with it. We bought assigned seating on bleachers late last year. That's how far in advance you need to buy them. But anyways, we get downtown and they assign the seats. These crappy bleachers that are done with plywood and that no normal human ass could fit comfortably on unless you are under the age of 10. So anyways, we are in row 4 of 5. Get up there, and these two large people sit on the row below us. First off, my knees are in their backs, and then the girls can't see over them. This sucks. Jarrett sees that the usher is letting people with small kids sit lower. He asks if we can too and she says "Sure as long as the people don't claim the seats." We accept and leave the in-laws, and sit on the first row. We wait for the parade to start. Now the disclaimer on the tickets CLEARLY states that if you aren't at your assigned seat by 8:30, you forfeit your seat. We were there by 8:00 am (did I mention we woke up at 6:00 am, took the smelly ass train downtown?). The parade starts at 9:00. So at around 8:50 the people who had tickets for our new seats arrive. The usher explains our situation and they get all confrontagious and tell the usher we need to get our of their seats. We say fine (fair is fair) but she's given away OUR seats now! I tell the usher that if she can kick us out of these ones, she can kick out the other people in our seats then! She's freaking out (you can tell she f'd up; she shouldn't have juggled people around). I LOUDLY mention I thought after 8:30 seats were forfeited anyways (LOL you know I have to make a point in everything). So she finds new seats a little further down in the front row. We accept. Sit down and the parade is NOW starting. Fifteen minutes into the parade, some guy comes up to us and asks if we have tickets for this particular seat. I look him square in the eye and say, "No because they gave away our seats to someone else so we are sitting here." He didn't know what to say. I don't think he was anticipating going head to head with bitchy mother of three wearing a pink cowgirl hat. Jarrett just tipped his cowboy hat over his eyes, probably trying not to laugh. I mean they moved us twice, and Kierra was getting really upset about it. The parade already started. In other words, get out of my face Mr. Bean, the clydedales are coming. So then the usher comes over, tries to find him a place. The whole bleacher is full!! So he ends up sitting on the pavement with his kid (not my problem you should've got there on time!). He didn't even shoot me a sideways glance either. Smart move buckaroo!

Oh before I forget, there was a pre-show. We all applauded emphatically as the cops took away some transient in handcuffs. I'm not sure what he did exactly, but three cops had him and he didn't look happy. You can tell we are all high-caliber people for entertainment!! Homeless dude in cuffs, and the crowd goes wild!! The parade itself was great. That was a lot of horse poo!!! They actually had three street cleaners (dressed up like broncos and bulls) come in waves every so often to clean up the crap. Jenna informed me she wanted to be in a marching band... and she wants to play the flag LMAO!!! It's a two hour parade (did I mention this) and we took turns with Kierra on our laps. We only had about two inches of our butts on the actual bench so she was killing us slowly. Finally after 1 hour and 40 minutes I told Jarrett I couldn't feel my arse anymore. Jenna announced she had to pee so we decided to collect the in-laws and leave (beat the rush for the train). I try to get through the crowd to no avail. Finally I ask someone to move and this woman gets in my face and says, "I'm trying to take a picture of that buffalo!" Then she hits me with her elbow as I try to go by. I just looked at her (it's not even a real buffalo okay?) and say "Well my kid has to poop so unless you want to summon one of those street cleaners, get out of my way!" If she really wanted a picture of a buffalo, she should've asked someone to take a picture of her butt!

We get to the porta-john and Jenna is freaking out. She doesn't want to go in. I get her in, open the lid and almost threw up. She wails, "I don't like it in here!" Dear, no one does! No need to elaborate past that - the mere thought send my stomach into convulsions. Took her a while but finally convinced her to go. Finally get to the train station, and the train is ALREADY packed. It took every fiber in my being that people didn't squish my children. But we did learn a few things. Next year, buy front row bleachers, buy some of those bench seats and bring nose plugs.

Today we are doing the chucks and the rodeo. We are leaving the kids at home. YAHOO!! LOL. I love my kids but sometimes you need to go be a cowgirl! Anyways, I should get moving along little dogies. My little dogies are running amuck as I type. My husband and in-laws are sleeping in. Would I be terrible to sic my little ones on them? Nawww!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...


Get all that stinking inlaws ca-ca out of your system, dear one.

You have some cha-chas to shake soon!


Janis said...

cha-chas?? I hope you bring some tassels for those cha-chas!!! Swing em SISTA!!!

tulipmom said...

Oh boy Elle, this post had me cracking up!

In coming to visit, the in-laws automatically volunteer to babysit ... that's the rule (well, my rule). Enjoy your day sans kids!

Mom not Mum said...

LOL Can't blame Jenna about the porta-john though.

Em said...

If we overlook the portable potty, it all sounds like great fun! Enjoy the festivities!!

Taylor_Blue said...

Yahoooooooooooo !!!