Tuesday, July 10, 2007

THE WEARY TRAVELLER

I was cruising around blog land and read one of my usuals, MamaLee and had to laugh... As usual she's thinking like me!! This doesn't surprise me in the least. We refer to one another as each other's evil twins (I'm not sure which one is supposed to be evil though...). Once again she has stolen my thoughts.

Our big trip is coming up in exactly three days! THREE!!! She leaves on Thursday because she has to trek across the continent. She's a little worried you see. She's A) travelling alone, B) travelling Internationally (customs is always fun!) and C) coming to a place she's never been. I must reassure her that this, is in fact, Canada. We are a simple people (simple as uncomplicated LOL - not simple minded). Our immigration folks aren't quite as intense - and I say this with a lot of immigration experience. In the U.S., I hear they use a fish scaler to do cavity searches. Here in Canada, we are a lot more laid back. I mean we have animals on our coin currency. How can a place with caribou on the quarter, and a beaver on a nickle be intimidating? As I've already told her, just be mindful of our grizzly bears and mountain lions dragging you off and you'll be fine (LOL that's a joke by the way Lee). However, my comment about the crazy Canadian geese wasn't really a joke. Those feathered bastards will attack you!! I should know - I had a gaggle run after me once. But in all fairness, water foul seem to attack me often. Don't get me started on what happens to me whenever I visit a farm!! Birds sense fear you know!!!

Now I'm not going to pretend that I have quite as much to be worried about in this trip. But just the same, I'm already starting to get nervous jitters. Not because I'm scared to meet the girls (well maybe Janis a little - did you read about her chicken tendencies? I told you already how I feel about the birds!) We've given each other fair warning about each other's quirks. Janis has told us about her pocket change holding stretch marks (at least she doesn't have to carry a change purse) and well... Lee's heavy artillery (and I don't mean guns... or do I?) And I've already warned them that my Tommy Hilfiger pj tank top doesn't always hold my lovely bosom in at night. I mean I could wake up and one of the gals might be getting some fresh air (my husband doesn't seem to mind). LOL but I digress. Getting back to my main point of interest: I'm not a happy traveller unless both feet are planted firmly on the ground.

To back up, when I get nervous, I tend to get a very upset stomach. In fact, when I was in university and had a big exam, I tended to keep a lot of Immodium on hand. LOL nice huh? Now that I painted a pretty picture for you, you can appreciate what I'm getting at. You know, you're sliding into first? I figure as long as I starve myself for a few days prior, all should go smoothly. Besides, it's only one measly hour in the air. How bad can that be???? Right????

Well two years ago I took a similar length flight, flew first class for the first time, and upon take off, probably 10 seconds before the wheels of the plane left the ground, we hear this huge bang (Lee, probably stop reading this now). The pilot immediately hit the brakes and THAT was scary! I thought the plane was either going to flip or that we were all going to die. There was another huge bang after that. We all thought we had a bad tire. Stop on the tarmac and in the distance can see a fleet of fire engines tearing after us. A lot of fuss for a tire. After what seems an eternity they tell us we need to deplane (they towed us back to the gate). We get off, look at the plane from the window and do you know what we saw? Our engine, blown to bits and hanging off the wing because it was cracked!! HOLY SHIT!!! Good thing I took that Immodium before huh (and something to calm my nerves before!). What was worse, if that had happened any time after it did, even 30 seconds... we would've fallen like a rock to the ground.

I won't speculate past that. Jarrett's theory is if that's the closest thing to a "close call" in a plane I'll ever have, then I'm good to go from now on. Let's pray he's right!! He'll have to sell the children to gypsies or something. So MamaLee, don't you worry girlfriend!! You're going to do swell. Just make sure to take advantage of the in-flight cocktails they offer, and as Toni said, write you name on your panties (in Janis case, on her bare butt), and you'll be fine. Until then, I will eagerly anticipate meeting the girls in a few days!!!!

7 comments:

Jenny said...

You guys are going to have so much fun! When I flew, I didn't take advantage of the in-flight cocktails - I took advantage of the bar in the airport 2 hours before my flight. :o)

MamaLee said...

I need a drink just reading that...

SHIT.

Well I am flying first class (thank you hubby!) so I'll be so snickered by the time I get there. Either that or I'll pass out from peeing my pants in flight and you'll find me roaming aimlessly for the nearly grannie pantie store.

SHIT!

Thanks. I have many more hours in flight than 1 hour, and I'm starting to drink NOW. And I'll be GREAT once I land in your lovely country!

Elle said...

OH CANADA!!! lmao!!!

Hey I didn't mean to freak you out. That story was purely made up really it was (cough cough).

JaniceNW said...

That is why I take Xanax before I fly. Now I'm all freaked about my kid flying home next week. Thanks alot. (teasin')

Janis said...

ok now now..no mocking the deep pockets in my hips. They come in handy sometimes!! I can smuggle in mickies to dance clubs and such.

Though, we could just put 2 36ozer's under Lee's "guns" and no one would be the wiser.

hmmm options, options....

JessNickKatieRyanEmily said...

*covers eyes make those visions go AWAY please??
The flight story scared me enough to never want to fly!
yall better take lots and lots of pics!!
still those visions Uhg Elle will be shitting all the time janis's change ummmmm........... Lee's "guns" LMAO Lord almight this sounds like a trip I Wish I was on!!

Jolene said...

Holy crow. That's some scary shizz. LMAO - I would never think to write my name on my panties or ass for that matter. After reading this post, I think it would be prudent.

Oh yeah, crossing into Canada is SO much easier. The American CBOs really have their panties in a bunch. Everyone is a terrorist. I've even had to go inside while they tore apart my car. No cavity searches though :P