Tuesday, July 24, 2007

FEELING LEFT OUT

So I should take a break for some honesty here. Something has been kind of bugging me a little. So I'm just going to do a rant about it, and then I'll be fine.

My sister.

She's getting married on September 15th, which I've mentioned. Me and my sister have had a different kind of relationship. As little kids, we were extremely close. As teenagers, I basically couldn't stand her. Once I left the house, I could tolerate her again, for only a minuscule moment. Jarrett would hedge bets with me how long it would take her to really piss me off. Usually within two days. The main problem was I didn't share her logic about why her life was in the shitter. I mean she was very young, had three children, and was already divorced by the time she was 24. All her problems were because of everyone else. She never owned up to her mistakes. Honestly, I didn't like her too much.

Then she met her soon-to-be husband. And she found religion. She made some new friends (ones that weren't idiots). And she changed for the better. She no longer picked fights, acting like a bitch. She was nicer to be around and definitely more calm. We all admitted that at the age of 29, she finally got her shit together and I couldn't be happier.

Herein lies the problem: For her first wedding, I was her matron of honor. For this wedding, I am no one. True she had 6 attendants in her first wedding, and this one she only has one. It is a close friend of hers. Logically I understand this. They are close. For the most part, I don't talk to my sister much. It's not because I don't like her... it's mostly because I can't relate to her even after all this life change. Instead of complaining and bitching, she's reciting Bible verses. Don't get me wrong: having Jesus and God in your heart is wonderful. But I don't want my morals/ethics attacked every time I have a conversation with her. I almost feel like being on the phone is a sermon. I have told her time and time again, I'm glad she's found her spiritual peace, but don't shove it down my throat.

But to be perfectly honest, I do feel left out of her wedding. One could argue I've been her M.O.H. before the first time. Yes to creepy, jerk-off husband number one. The useless sack of crap she was married to for less than a year. Part of me wants to feel included in her new marriage because this one is "right". The other guy we all knew was wrong but what can you say? I feel like a by-stander. I do realize I'm being totally whiny right now. I mean Jarrett is the Master of Ceremonies (he's a great public speaker). So even he is a "part" of things. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not in my brother's wedding next year either (did I mention both of them were in my wedding party?), and my sister-in-law's alienation of me as a Godmother.

Don't worry - I will get over these things. I just figured I'll let it spill and get it off of my chest. I just can't help but feeling like I'm being left out.

11 comments:

Catwoman said...

I can totally understand that! On all points. I respect people being religious, but I don't like being lectured about either. And with her having a small wedding, I can understand you not being MOH, but it would have been nice to have her include you somehow?

Maybe she didn't want the same wedding party as the first time to not "re-enact" that mistake? Maybe it's just a superstition thing?

tulipmom said...

I guess she feels like she's including "you" by having Jarrett serve as M.O.C. but I'd feel left out too if I were in your shoes.

Is there someone who might be able to discreetly suggest to her that she give you some kind of job/honor all the while making her feel like she came up with the idea herself?

~JJ! said...

I understand. Can you talk to her?

Would she listen?

IF not, would you feel better if you just told her anyway?

I'm sorry. I know I'm no help here...

MamaLee said...

Well I understand this completely, and again, we are twins. My little sister got remarried almost 2 years ago, and nope, I was not involved at ALL. Wasn't asked. My older sister was her matron of honor, and she had a friend stand up for her as well. (yes, I stood up her in wedding #1) She married a dolt the first time around (and has 2 kids with him) but is now married to a lesser dolt. At least he has a job.

And it was really strange to go to the wedding (with my hubby and kids) and for people to ask how I knew the bride. EXCUSE ME?

It all sucks. I guess there supposed to be some lesson here. All I know for sure is that it would be nice for family to actually CARE about other family members for a change. I'm sorry that you are just not "feeling it" in your family.


(((((((hugs))))))

Jenny said...

How you're feeling makes total sense, especially since your husband has a part, and your sister was in your wedding. Family issues are the worst. hope you can get it resolved so that at least it's not bothering you. I know, you could move!! Oh wait, that was the solution to MY family problems. lol

Chrissy said...

The way you are feeling makes perfect sense to me. The fact that you have a blog and can come here and express it helps. Talking to her might just make the situation worse. TulipMom is right, she probably thinks she is including you by asking your hubs to be the MOC.

Laural Dawn said...

Hi - I just came over here from Full Plate.
You know what? I would feel totally left out if that was my sister. End of story. Regardless of the first wedding.
If it were me I would write a letter/e-mail to say how I was feeling. But, this does occassionally backfire. But, I do think you should say something.

Maria said...

Wow. You just described MY sister.

It does seem unfair, doesn't it? But, not a thing you can do about it. Maybe you could ask her if there is any way you could help out, that you want to be a part of her special day. That might set some wheels in motion.

Noemi said...

Wow Family conflicts just suck! I have been there a few times myself and it just aint easy... You should just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Other than that all I can tell you is that I am trully sorry!

k8 said...

is that were me i wouldnt be able to keep my big mouth shut. i would have to make some underhanded snarky comment.

and see, i'm a christian. lol

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