FEELING LEFT OUT

So I should take a break for some honesty here. Something has been kind of bugging me a little. So I'm just going to do a rant about it, and then I'll be fine.

My sister.

She's getting married on September 15th, which I've mentioned. Me and my sister have had a different kind of relationship. As little kids, we were extremely close. As teenagers, I basically couldn't stand her. Once I left the house, I could tolerate her again, for only a minuscule moment. Jarrett would hedge bets with me how long it would take her to really piss me off. Usually within two days. The main problem was I didn't share her logic about why her life was in the shitter. I mean she was very young, had three children, and was already divorced by the time she was 24. All her problems were because of everyone else. She never owned up to her mistakes. Honestly, I didn't like her too much.

Then she met her soon-to-be husband. And she found religion. She made some new friends (ones that weren't idiots). And she changed for the better. She no longer picked fights, acting like a bitch. She was nicer to be around and definitely more calm. We all admitted that at the age of 29, she finally got her shit together and I couldn't be happier.

Herein lies the problem: For her first wedding, I was her matron of honor. For this wedding, I am no one. True she had 6 attendants in her first wedding, and this one she only has one. It is a close friend of hers. Logically I understand this. They are close. For the most part, I don't talk to my sister much. It's not because I don't like her... it's mostly because I can't relate to her even after all this life change. Instead of complaining and bitching, she's reciting Bible verses. Don't get me wrong: having Jesus and God in your heart is wonderful. But I don't want my morals/ethics attacked every time I have a conversation with her. I almost feel like being on the phone is a sermon. I have told her time and time again, I'm glad she's found her spiritual peace, but don't shove it down my throat.

But to be perfectly honest, I do feel left out of her wedding. One could argue I've been her M.O.H. before the first time. Yes to creepy, jerk-off husband number one. The useless sack of crap she was married to for less than a year. Part of me wants to feel included in her new marriage because this one is "right". The other guy we all knew was wrong but what can you say? I feel like a by-stander. I do realize I'm being totally whiny right now. I mean Jarrett is the Master of Ceremonies (he's a great public speaker). So even he is a "part" of things. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not in my brother's wedding next year either (did I mention both of them were in my wedding party?), and my sister-in-law's alienation of me as a Godmother.

Don't worry - I will get over these things. I just figured I'll let it spill and get it off of my chest. I just can't help but feeling like I'm being left out.