OMG - I have to pinch myself to the point I have to slap myself to stop the pinching... my BABY IS FOUR YEARS OLD TODAY!!!!! How can this be? Didn't I just spend last week complaining, "Is this kid ever going to get out of me?", "Jarrett seriously, I can't get my panties on - you need to help me..." and "why the hell did I agree to an elective c-section tomorrow morning?"
Yeah this is me one week before my bundle arrived (and when I was the hugest pain in the ass to walk the face of this earth barefoot and pregnant.
Fast forward (very fast forward) four years and now I'm looking at a chipper little girl with big brown eyes, funky pigtails and an insane adoration for Hello Kitty. My baby isn't a baby anymore. What makes it even more clear is the fact that I went through her closet and found actual baby blankets on the top shelf that she hasn't been swaddled in for over three years. SIGH - they still smell like Dreft baby detergent.
Funny thing is Karis should have never existed. I don't mean that in a mean "man you were an accident" way. Seriously, we were told we had about a 7% chance of ever naturally conceiving. So basically - don't expect too much. We did the IVF and all that fun stuff, got the twins - and figured perfect! Who knew when we celebrated their first birthday I'd have a 2 months worth of gestating bundle in my tummy? I was so shocked that when the pregnancy test turned positive, I turned white, yelled "holy fuck!" and ran out of the bathroom with my stunned husband staring at the little pee stick. And don't get me wrong, after the shock we were ecstatic! I mean never in our wildest dreams did we ever think I'd ever have another baby. I mean we choose to drop the birth control when the twins were 9 months and said "we'll leave it in God's hands". We just didn't think God would throw us a bone two months later! But I always refer to Karis as one of my miracle babies. Sure she wasn't the result of years of fruitless attempts at conceiving, or incessant needles in my backside, and surgeries and anything else sterile you can think of. But she was still my 7% miracle baby that decided to prove to me that sometimes life is full of surprises. It was no wonder my 7% was born on the 7th.
Am I sad? Yeah - nostalgic too. I was looking at her first year photo album and remembering all the funny little things she used to do. Like: she was such a sweaty baby that every time I breastfed her, the side of the head resting on my arm was completely soaking (as was my sleeve), that she used to try to suck Jarrett's face all the time, that she held her hair when she had enough to hold onto... I MISS those things. But you know, for all that I miss, I look forward to even more. First days at school, first sleep-overs, first ...... well we'll skip the traumatized mommy teen years. Let's just hope she'll be a little better-behaved than I was.
So this week-end we had the big party. Hello Kitty (shocked aren't you?), and it was a huge success. Child got so much Hello Kitty, I feel I should own 50% stock in that company. She is constantly telling me that she's growing (even though she still has 3T pants that are too long for her - she inherited MIL's stubby legs). Today is the actual day though, and it's bittersweet for sure. The only thing stopping me from crying my eyes out is how apparent it is that she still needs me. She still needs mommy when she's hurt, she still needs mommy to help her wipe her bum (lol well that's not my hi-light), and she still just needs mommy. What else can you ask for on your daughter's fourth birthday?