Thursday, January 17, 2008

REFEREE AT GYMBOREE

HOLY CRAP!!! I just got back from what could be nothing less described as complete pandemonium. I'm lucky I made it out of there alive, and I believe I will be later dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder!

I'm speaking of the first day of "Gymbucks" at Gymboree. Those of you that have never experienced this... HA you call yourself a warrior? I'm talking thrashing through hoards of crazed women, waving their blue and green Gymbucks in the air, and grabbing virtually anything that has a sale tag on it! I mean the funniest was the lady with the 3 week old baby - she's buying size 7T jeans and 3T shirts. I'm sorry, is it so much a deal that you're willing to buy them 3-7 years in advance? I mean, I'm sure they'll have Gymbucks in the future.

I took Karis with me, and I'm shocked I didn't loose my third-born in the wave of shoppers. I kept her close to me, trying to make it to sections of the store, unsure if I'd ever see the light of day again. I couldn't help myself - they had the cutest little blue tulip dress and matching sweater in Karis' size. It wasn't even on sale for God's sakes, and I was still fighting with some top-heavy broad with 12 coats-to-many of mascara and a cheap-ass hair extension. Tip: if you are going to weave fake hair onto your hair, make sure the quality is a little better looking than horse hair... I mean c'mon! One woman just stood there as I was pinned into the corner by the little floral print dresses, refusing to move. I was ready to tell her Karis had explosive diarrhea... until she finally made eye-contact with me and rolled her eyes and moved over.

After I finally got my selections (which were hard to find seriously - the store was picked over already and it was only 4 hours into the first day), I made my way to the end of the line, which was approximately 10 people long already!! At first I felt like saying screw it and just leave, but then I thought if I came back A) these items would more than likely be gone, B) I didn't just get elbowed in the head to leave without my bounty and C) I already drove out there and I sure the hell wasn't going to go back! I had $250.00 worth of Gymbucks for pete's sakes! So I waited, and waited... and waited some more, finally making it to the counter. I slapped it all down, as I heard one of the cashiers mutter, "I hate Gymbucks". Amen sister!! She rung in my purchase (which totalled about $500.00 - but remember the Gymbucks) and I go to whip them out and low and behold - I forgot them at home!!!!!!!

Just kidding! Wouldn't that have been hilarious? Seriously - I mean in a mean, twisted sort-of-way I think you started to smile didn't you? No I had them with me and got my $250.00 discount on all the cutest clothes you could imagine. The chick next to me only had $50.00 - I think she was waiting to see if I would have an extra I wasn't using. Sure - and you can pay me $10.00 for every $25.00 coupon I have!! HA - I'm not giving those away!!! So purchase completed, and I swear to God, and this is no lie, the cashier gets a box of white Glad garbage bags out, and puts my purchases into the garbage bag! I look at her with a "are you facking kidding me?" amazed expression, and she says "Oh well we don't' have any more large bags... it's either this or 8 of the tiny bags". So basically my choices are numbered to carrying insanely stuffed, multiple bags or one white garbage bag. I say fine, give me the garbage bag (without handles either you know!), and leave the store embarrassed beyond belief because I look like some strange beggar woman trying to pay for clothes with pop cans at Gymboree.

Anyways... any of you that are planning on braving this event I have some tips for you. Bring water (it's hot in the stores), bring earplugs (lots of babies screaming with mother's just trying to find 2-3T socks), and a tazer (because some of those bitches shopping just need a good jolt!). Happy shopping!

P.S. This Hannah Montana song is dedicated to Karis - because she claims it's "her song" and she does a pretty good dance to it. I'll have to post the video when I have the time - it's a hoot!

9 comments:

Mrs. Schmitty said...

You had me going when you said you forgot them....that would have sucked! Sounds like crazy times at Gymboree...I would have seen the mob and just turned right around. I can't stand those lunatic women! You are a very brave soul!

Noemi said...

I gasped with air when you said you had forgoten. Then I burst out ROFLMAO big time. You are too mcuh. Hmmm the garbage bags WTF! Did they not prepair for this madness!

Slick said...

I crash through hoardes of crazed women all the time!

Well, in my dreams ;)

Glad you survived!

Jolene said...

You just described a little piece of hell for me. With that said, I still would have done it sans child. Can't pass up huge savings like that.

We don't have a Gymboree, but the mom shoppers in Old Navy can get quite competitive. Just gotta hold your ground and not be afraid to shove back :)

Maria said...

Never heard of that place and I am pretty sure that I will never go inside one either....

Well, maybe if I had 250 smackers of coupons...

I think hair extensions look stupid no matter what. And I wonder at women who can wear heavy eye makeup. One coat of mascara and I feel like my eyelashes are weighted down.

Liv LOVES Hannah Montana and really likes the new song out by Billy Ray with his daughter, can't think of the name of it, but something about get ready, get set, don't go....

Lainey-Paney said...

Okay, I've never been into the gymbucks, but you just saved $250. Seriously---I've been missing out. I'm going to have to start paying better attention, and playing the gymbucks game.

I really know nothing about them....

MedStudentWife said...

A Gymboree bag lady *roflmao*.... a Gymboree binner....

crap, I'm on a stupid roll.. time to stop

I have been to Gymboree - to buy baby shower gifts things... their clothes are sooo cute, but soooo expensive. You did good !!!

robinandamelia said...

Just a stranger who thinks your post is absolutely hilarious, and right on the money. I'm in Toronto and have felt your pain LOL. All except for the garbage bags of course.

Fratzels said...

So, in the last two years of living in the sticks of NH, I can honestly say this is the first time I am happy to have a the closest gymboree be over 1 hour away! I can just avoid the chaos and stress of it all - even they have some great deals!