Thursday, January 31, 2008


For those of you that do not know, this year me and the hubster will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. I know - shocking!!! What's even more shocking is the fact that we are still married. I don't mean this in a mean way like "he's such an asshat", but statisitically speaking, Jarrett and I should have been divorced twice over by now. I'll explain:

Over half of people who undergo infertility end up splitting. It's just one of those sad things where probably one of the people in the couple is having the infertility issue, and the other person can't get over it (ie: a friend of ours couldn't accept never having her own biological children). Instead of drawing each other closer, it can cause a lot of animosity. Lucky for us, we were the ones that supported each other.

Second, over 70% of parents with an autistic child end up divorced. HOLY SMOKES!!! That's pretty bad! I can see it thoug: parents have no time for themselves anymore, the stress of having an autistic child: it's not easy. So far so good with us though.

So here we are - 10 years in and going strong. Got over the "seven year itch" period (LOL), and I think we just may make it. Which brings me to the point of the post. For our 10 year we discussed what gifts we will be bestowing on each other. Jarrett is buying me a three-stone diamond ring and I'm buying him a Rolex watch. Now I've known I'm getting this ring since 9 years ago... lol and the watch he's known about for the past 5 years. So it's not like "surprise guess what I'm getting you". Now for those of you who don't know this.... we have an anniversary sequence of the number 24. We started dating on August 24, got engaged January 24, and got married October 24. And this past January 24 marked the 10 year anniversary of our proposal.

So my husband has been planning the 10 year anniversary for a few years, which involves a kick-ass trip this year plus other surprises I"m not privy to. All I know is, in his words, this year will be "ten months of surprises". OK sounds romantic!!! UNTIL he tells me a few weeks ago, "I had a really good idea of a surprise for you". I say oh what? I'm curious (ok nosey) and so he tells me:

"You know how you know that you are getting the ring for the 10 year? I was going to give it to you on January 24th and re-propose to you."

My jaw drops open, because honestly, this is EXTREMELY romantic and I would have been totally shocked because I wouldn't have expected it. HOWEVER NEVER TELL YOUR WIFE OF THE ROMANTIC IDEA YOU HAD THAT YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW THROUGH WITH! I mean c'mon guys! Not to mention before he told me this, he took me out to look at actual rings. Not to buy but to check out to get a feel for what I liked. So I got to try on all these sparkly rings (beautiful rings), and then he dangles the prospect in front of me and says "sorry!"

OK before you think I'm completely horrid yes I know I'm still getting it but still... it would've been an awesome story to tell. I mean c'mon admit it!!! He gets partial credit I suppose for the thought. And as he told me "honey it's really the thought that counts".

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Drama... need I really say more? It's part of this all-inclusive package we call life. Honestly, some of it is entertaining, while the rest is stress. And usually I do my best to avoid stress; especially as of late because I've been having physical stress reactions (eg: muscle twitching/spasms).

This past week has me twitching like I'm totally impulse-control free.

So story goes: my brother is getting married in August to this girl. She's fairly nice, and I get along with her relatively well. So she asked if one of my daughters would be a flower girl in the wedding. Sure I say. Emails are exchanged about flower girl dresses, nothing too outlandish. Well my sister's daughter is ALSO a flower girl and I get a call from my sister telling me that the flower girl dresses (which are actually mini-maid dresses) are around $300.00!!!! OKAYYYYYYYYYY back that thing up! There is no way in hell I'm buying a dress that is that much. Not to mention the thing is Harvest Gold (barf) and honestly... it's not like my child will ever wear this thing again.

So I send a very nice, poetic letter to the sis-in-law-to-be pointing out that I don't think the dress A) is appropriate for a six year old and B) it's a little pricey. I wait about four days to hear back and nothing. I'm a little surprised as she's usually prompt with her responses. So I call my mom and ask if she's talked to the two of them to which she replies, "Um Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". Apparently after I sent the email, my brother calls my mother blasting her about what is my problem and why is she trying to stress us out? Ummmm excuse me? First off why are you calling up mom and crying to her like a bunch of 5 year olds? If you have issues, call me directly you imbeciles. Second, I read the email to my mom, and she agreed that I wasn't confrontagious or anything. And also, that I had a good point.. to which the reply was it's not like we're going to dress our nieces like hookers OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY, talk about getting a little carried away with one's self. No one mentioned the words "provocative", "sleazy" or "trampy" - I DID say that I thought the dresses were a little too mature for a six year old. I didn't say she would resemble one of those hooker-esque BRATZ dolls (don't get me started about those things...)

So as of now, they still haven't responded to me, and I talked to my sister who is all riled up and hormonal now about the whole thing, and the fact that she's not included in the wedding (same sister who didn't have me or my brother in HER wedding a mere 5 months ago). Again, my family - drama. Then she starts going off on how she doesn't support this wedding, and that the sis-in-law is just a bitch. I know better to feed into this until she says, "you know she criticizes your parenting".



I can't help it, I bite and she says that sis-in-law-to-be is always ragging on me and the hubby behind our backs. I ask for specifics and I get some... but to be perfectly honest she does the EXACT SAME THING in reverse with me. So it's not exactly far-fetched. So now I'm a little pissed off on top of it all. Pretty rich coming from a 22 year old that doesn't have kids. That's like Kelly Pickler trying to describe quantum physics. I don't like this little revelation, so now I'm feeling particularly bitchy about the whole flower girl dress/tattle-tale fiasco.

However, not to worry. I'm just ignoring it and going on my merry little way. To me it's not worth starting a whole family feud on, and honestly, it's my brother's decision in the end. However I don't think he'll be getting my sister's vote of support.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I'm freezing off my poor, sad Canadian ass off right now. The reason I haven't posted is for fear my fingers would freeze to the keyboard and I would be forever plagued with a keyboards dangling from my fingertips. That's worst case scenario. Low-middle cased scenario, I would only have the keys "D" and "L" stuck to them... and quite possibly the space bar.


It was -29 yesterday (without windchill). You factor in the windchill and you get yourself something in the range of -40ish...... that's cold people! I won't do the conversion for the Yanks because A) I suck at conversions and B) my brain is frozen and I couldn't do a satisfactory job at converting it. It's so cold, when I open my kitchen cabinets that are on the exterior wall, cold air comes shooting out of them. I swear I saw a frozen steak behind the dessert plates. It's so cold, I can't even sit in the back end of the house, only the front because that's where the sun beams are located. I'm like some deranged cat trying to find the sunspot on the living room floor. I'm so cold that I'm wearing my housecoat over my clothing, and yes my furnace is working in case you are wondering. I'm a perpetually cold person, and this doesn't help matters at all. The worst part is my husband is out of town on business, and I don't have any food because I was too lazy to get my ass in gear over the week-end.

They also cancelled school... well kinda. Kierra's aide called in sick (she was probably frozen to the tile on her bathroom floor), and the furnace in the classroom couldn't handle the pressure of doing a half-assed job of not freezing 17 five year olds. Their classrooms is one of those satellite classes - you know what I'm talking about. Those sad little buildings in the back of the actual school? So the principal called to see if I still wanted to bring the girls. In a couple of eloquent words? FUCK NO!! So instead I had marathon long-distance phone calls with my mom, made foam valentine bear bookmarks, and looked up my family lineage on

However, I couldn't avoid the inevitable. I mean I made this nasty can of chicken and wild rice soup for lunch (barf), and had nothing more than that to offer for dinner. So rationalizing this, I decided to whip over to Wal-mart to pick up some stuff, and they also have a handy little McDonald's there I can throw at my kids. Win/Win situation. I bundle them up, strap them in the van, I open the garage door and I swear if garage doors had feelings, this was the saddest door in the City. It creaked like ice was in between the cracks of it. This whoosh of cold frosty air attacked me like a Stephen King murder fog. I raced around the front of the van, jumped in, and thought to myself "what that hell am I doing?" Too late - we are in the van and I'm not getting out. So I drive off and spy my newspaper sitting on the porch (I wouldn't even open the door to get it). Drive around the corner and see drifts of snow on the sides of the road, each with a car stuck in it. Now I don't understand this you see.

A) Calgary is a well-endowed City yet they never have snowplows go down the side roads of sub-divisions at all. They just plow the main roads (aka anything a bus would go down), and screw the rest of us stuck in the back. So there are cars littering the sides of the road now; owners who gave up after they realized that no a smart car can't plow itself through a 5 foot drift of snow. Enough SUV's and pickups forged a little path which I managed to get my van through as well. I get to Wal-Mart and brief the children of the plan. I sounded like a drill Sargent "ok troops, when I open the door, you must evacuate the van immediately! Do not, I repeat do not open your mouth, breathe through your mouth. You will freeze your lungs and I will have to leave you. Do not run into the pile of snow Wal-mart left in the middle of the parking lot for some unknown reason, so you loose a boot. Any boot lost in the snow pile will remain in the snow pile. We will amputate your frozen foot with a fork in the McDonald's. GO GO GO!"

So I ran my poor children for the coldest two minutes in Canada to the store, yelling at them to stop yelling about how cold it is because they start complaining it's too cold (well der). Immediately blast of warm, happy re-cycled contaminated air in the door openings - thaws my insane body. We take our time shopping (no rush to go back out there!). I get what I need (minus the blowtorch that I'll need to get into the frozen van afterwards), and then we go eat. I can see through the windows that there are other people just like me who don't know any better. People slipping in their running shoes they thought could withstand the icy roads. Fools really. I cue up the command start and decide to put all three kids in the shopping cart. I was shocked the greeters at Wal-mart didn't yell at me to tell me this is not a good plan I have. I don't care - three kids pushed by their mom in a shopping cart go a lot faster than said mom dragging three kids through a parking lot. I ran, my kids squealed in delight. I get to the van and apparently my command start didn't activate (piece of crap), and I throw all the children into the van, telling them to curl up in a ball and let their 20 inch thick parkas cushion their fall. Get everyone strapped in, go to back out... and SOME COMPLETE ASSHOLE decides to park behind me in the row across but not pull in entirely! NO he's half-way in the aisle! I'm thinking "I know it's cold but come on!" So I fiddle back and forth to get the van out of the parking lot. If I was one of those road rage people, I would've just backed my way and smashed his Lincoln Continental ass (must've been an old person's car). Got home - my garage door screamed at me again, and got back in the house.

So there you have it. For those of you who live in this country, you feel and share my pain. For those of you who say "Oh Canada's so pretty, I've always wanted to visit" ... yah don't come until the two months of summer okay?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I have fully recovered from my internal injuries sustained from the Gymboree expedition last week! Not to mention, I had my daughter's photos done wearing one of the outfits that caused so much bloodshed. The photo shoot was AWESOME. I had a friend who is a photographer take them, and I have to say, she did a wonderful job!!! Not to mention I got a CD of 80 photos that have all been touched up, and she's only charging me $2.00 per sheet I order - WHAT A DEAL!!! Last year I took the kids to Kidsphoto. The sitting fee was cheap, but each sheet was $28.00 (ya you read right - $28.00). HOWEVER, the pictures were phenomenal. Besides, I was sick of the slack-jawed yokels at Wal-Mart who barely even knew how to center a picture, or the teenagers at Sears who seemed more interested in text messaging than taking a picture. Anyways, I will post a few of those new pictures.

Friday, Jarrett surprised me with a new Blackberry to replace my own cell phone. The battery was dying on it, and you know, it's always nice to have something that is so complicated you can't possibly figure it out on your own. I have managed thus far to put in addresses, phone numbers and fill up my calendar. I was pretty happy to get it though. Although my hub's jokingly tells me I'm turning into one of those text-nerds that gets carpel tunnel's from trying to spell with those tiny keys. So what? I guess he doesn't like my claw-like hands?

This past week-end, me and the hubs went out on our first date since August. We finally got a respite worker to replace Sara, our last one who left the Province in hopes of full-filling her dream of owning her own clothing store. Alas, this left us in the lurch, since we aren't exactly going to have a thirteen year old come and babysit for us. Cue Deanna, who actually was Kierra's old case worker. She's decided to pick up some respite hours on the side, so we were more than happy to snap her up!!! So we went out, ran some errands, went perusing at a jewelry store for my 10 year anniversary band (just to give hubby an idea), and then out for a spectacular dinner. I had a Bellini, calamari, and this chicken with Bearnaise sauce, asparagus and scallops. Not to mention this dessert which was best described as an orgasm on a plate, covered with almonds. Seriously - it was THAT good!

Sunday, we decided to brave the cold mountain weather, and bundled up the kids to go sledding. Things we learnt? 1) Bundling up kids is time consuming, but even harder when you are trying to belt them into a car seat. 2) Just because your kids have snow pants on, the warmth of them doesn't miraculously offer you any protection as you wear a pair of work-out pants and a pair of sweats over top. 3) It's funny as hell to watch your one kid ditch the other to pull the sled up the hill. 4) It's not so funny when you have to pull your kid up the hill ON the sled. And last but not least 5) When two parents go down on the same sled you are going to go REALLY fast, hit bumps exceptionally hard, and your husband is going to pull the same number as your youngest and ditch you to pull the sled up the hill. The kids were tired out, which was part of the plan.

Monday, I did my first in-class volunteer at the twins kindy class. Usually I'm the annoying person that calls the other parents to tell them to get their asses in there and put in the time they PROMISED on the blue sheet I have on my desk. Well I got an offer to watch Karis, so I went in. It was interesting to say the least. I was surprised to see how well Kierra really does sit and listen... if only she did that at home LOL. But it was kind of neat to see how she acts in a classroom. Apparently she put on a show for me, because she was doing things she normally doesn't do. Nothing bad mind you, but the teachers were amused at her change in demeanor. In the evening, my husband made me get out of my bed because of his constant bitching about not having any navy dress socks. I told him yes he does. He goes on and on, incessantly about it (I think he inherited this trick from the mother-in-law). So I get out of the bed, look in the drawer as he goes downstairs to the laundry room still complaining in an obvious loud voice. Sure as shit what do I find? THREE pairs of navy socks. I go to the landing and yell down "Way to look dear! What's this? Why it's NAVY socks" (and muttered dumb shit under my breath). Too bad the house has really good acoustics. Oh well. Don't get me out of bed for socks that are in plain sight. So he looks at them and declares that they are black. No they aren't. I put them up against black pants. He then says "these aren't socks, they are pantyhose". Um huh? He says they are too thin, these are pantyhose. OK, first off, they aren't pantyhose. They are men's dress socks. They are thin but they aren't made by Secret. My mother bought them for him for Christmas for his stocking, and I KNOW my mother would not buy him panty hose. So I tell him, look either wear the socks, or don't wear his navy suit tomorrow and wear the tan one. He says fine, he'll wear the blue ones but he still thinks they are panty hose (sure ok dear).

After lying in bed in the dark I can't help myself and say, "You know, you might get that promotion if you let your boss get a gander at your lady hose". ROFL - I'll be surprised if he actually wore them today (he leaves at 6:30am, I'm not even up so I'm not going to look at the man's feet). And tonight, I'm going to treat myself to an one-hour massage! AH I can't wait! I'm just waiting for my hubby to get home (with his pantyhose) so I can go! Wish me relaxation vibes!

Thursday, January 17, 2008


HOLY CRAP!!! I just got back from what could be nothing less described as complete pandemonium. I'm lucky I made it out of there alive, and I believe I will be later dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder!

I'm speaking of the first day of "Gymbucks" at Gymboree. Those of you that have never experienced this... HA you call yourself a warrior? I'm talking thrashing through hoards of crazed women, waving their blue and green Gymbucks in the air, and grabbing virtually anything that has a sale tag on it! I mean the funniest was the lady with the 3 week old baby - she's buying size 7T jeans and 3T shirts. I'm sorry, is it so much a deal that you're willing to buy them 3-7 years in advance? I mean, I'm sure they'll have Gymbucks in the future.

I took Karis with me, and I'm shocked I didn't loose my third-born in the wave of shoppers. I kept her close to me, trying to make it to sections of the store, unsure if I'd ever see the light of day again. I couldn't help myself - they had the cutest little blue tulip dress and matching sweater in Karis' size. It wasn't even on sale for God's sakes, and I was still fighting with some top-heavy broad with 12 coats-to-many of mascara and a cheap-ass hair extension. Tip: if you are going to weave fake hair onto your hair, make sure the quality is a little better looking than horse hair... I mean c'mon! One woman just stood there as I was pinned into the corner by the little floral print dresses, refusing to move. I was ready to tell her Karis had explosive diarrhea... until she finally made eye-contact with me and rolled her eyes and moved over.

After I finally got my selections (which were hard to find seriously - the store was picked over already and it was only 4 hours into the first day), I made my way to the end of the line, which was approximately 10 people long already!! At first I felt like saying screw it and just leave, but then I thought if I came back A) these items would more than likely be gone, B) I didn't just get elbowed in the head to leave without my bounty and C) I already drove out there and I sure the hell wasn't going to go back! I had $250.00 worth of Gymbucks for pete's sakes! So I waited, and waited... and waited some more, finally making it to the counter. I slapped it all down, as I heard one of the cashiers mutter, "I hate Gymbucks". Amen sister!! She rung in my purchase (which totalled about $500.00 - but remember the Gymbucks) and I go to whip them out and low and behold - I forgot them at home!!!!!!!

Just kidding! Wouldn't that have been hilarious? Seriously - I mean in a mean, twisted sort-of-way I think you started to smile didn't you? No I had them with me and got my $250.00 discount on all the cutest clothes you could imagine. The chick next to me only had $50.00 - I think she was waiting to see if I would have an extra I wasn't using. Sure - and you can pay me $10.00 for every $25.00 coupon I have!! HA - I'm not giving those away!!! So purchase completed, and I swear to God, and this is no lie, the cashier gets a box of white Glad garbage bags out, and puts my purchases into the garbage bag! I look at her with a "are you facking kidding me?" amazed expression, and she says "Oh well we don't' have any more large bags... it's either this or 8 of the tiny bags". So basically my choices are numbered to carrying insanely stuffed, multiple bags or one white garbage bag. I say fine, give me the garbage bag (without handles either you know!), and leave the store embarrassed beyond belief because I look like some strange beggar woman trying to pay for clothes with pop cans at Gymboree.

Anyways... any of you that are planning on braving this event I have some tips for you. Bring water (it's hot in the stores), bring earplugs (lots of babies screaming with mother's just trying to find 2-3T socks), and a tazer (because some of those bitches shopping just need a good jolt!). Happy shopping!

P.S. This Hannah Montana song is dedicated to Karis - because she claims it's "her song" and she does a pretty good dance to it. I'll have to post the video when I have the time - it's a hoot!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Mostly because I took Kierra for her first wart freezing session, and it was horribly difficult to be there for!!! I used this cream that supposedly is supposed to freeze the area. I don't know if it just didn't work, or if it did but it wasn't enough, because Kierra screamed like someone was torturing her!! It took two full-grown adults to hold her down, plus the fact that she was kicking me in the neck the entire time! She kept yelling "mommmm!" and "it hurts" - I just wanted to kick the doctor, pick up my kid and run out of there!!

At the end, she was pretty pissed at Dr. D so I had to apply the band-aid myself, and then when we got to reception, she yelled "LOLLIPOP" at the receptionist LOL. They told her she could have two. I told her I'd take her to Burger King. Fun part is I get to do this again in 10 days. *Sigh* this sucks.

We decided to enroll Karis for Kindergarten this fall. We think that if she can't handle it within the first month, we'll pull her out and enroll her the following year. Makes sense. Even Kierra's psychologist told me that she thought Karis could handle it. I do appreciate all the feed-back I got though - thanks!

We have a date night scheduled for Saturday. We haven't had once since August, because our respite gal moved away. I finally found someone - actually she knows the family, the kids and used to be Kierra's team coordinator. So it works out perfectly. We're going to look at three houses, then do some shopping, and go out for dinner.

Other than that, not much else going on. I'm waiting for tomorrow because that is when I can spend the $250.00 Gymboree Gymbucks I have. Sad I know but I'm not letting those babies go to waste!!!!!!


Sunday, January 13, 2008


How was your week-end?

Mine... was a great lesson in "why you should never look at things you can't possibly afford". You know I'm going to start where I left off on my last post dontcha? Houses... or more correctly said... a new house.

Ah yes, so last time we spoke I told you a tale of how much my husband was interested in looking at a new house. He shows me one in particular, and we decide to take a drive out to check it out. Now most people would think to make an appointment with the realtor of this property. My husband? No... he thinks we should just check out the area. This line of thinking never works. Why? Because once you get there, you actually want to SEE the house. Not do what we did... which was skulk around the perimeter and peer into windows like a bunch of yuppie burglars. I mean seriously - I'm sure the locals were looking at us and wondering who the dude in the Docker's and the chick swearing about her new leather boots getting dirty were. That'd be us - complete nerds. Not to mention the van full of kids watching "Toy story" on DVD in the driveway. We locked them in there - no worries. Don't report our asses to CFS. You just don't drag out three children into a yard that hasn't even been landscaped just so you can spy into what seemingly was a pretty nice house.

Since we were there, we did decide to hit a few open houses. To get a feel of the builder's out there. There is really only five major ones, and they each have their own flavor. So we go to one, which was really nice but entirely too small (one bedroom on main floor, and two in the basement? no thanks). After we go to this house that I SWEAR TO GOD, has ruined me forever. Why? Because it was perfect, and awesome, and beautiful, and wonderful and delightful... and it was also $1.5 million dollars. The worst part was absorbing every feature in that house, and saying "OMG a hundred and fifty times". Seriously... walk in the entry and I'm OMG! Go into the master suite OMG..... master bathroom a MAJOR OMG!!! I mean seriously, this house was so nice, it makes mine now look like a freakin' hovel. We talk casually to the realtor there and when she says the price, me and Jarrett start to laugh. She looks confused (she should think so; we are not in the right house obviously). I gaze adoringly at the sub-zero, brushed stainless steel double fridge, and OH the beautiful stove and gorgeous granite countertops... and the Bosch dishwasher (wait I have one of those) - and sigh. Jarrett explains we are looking $900,000.00 to 1.1 and nothing more than that. Realtor says, "What's an extra $400,000.00?" Um the difference between my family eating, and being featured in the local paper as family of five resorts to cannibalism after going house poor.

OK and before people go all crazy and think "holy shit seriously - did they rob a bank" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Don't forget where I live and the property values. This same house in say.... Houston, TX would probably only be $500,000.00 and my house now would be around $250,000.00. It's all relative. Here, you don't get the Playboy Mansion for a couple million. You get yourself a five bedroom house, that is around 4,600 sq feet. With lovely, lovely, lovely kitchens. And no fake hooter chicks.

In any case, the experience marred me. Why? Because anything else I look at now will be compared to the can't have house. I know it's horrible but how can you not? Unless we win the lottery (which we didn't - we checked our numbers), it's just not happening any time soon. But we haven't given up on the idea of moving out to this area. Because in spite of it all, it was extremely peaceful, the yards were large, and it was just relaxing!! Plus the view of the mountains were just wonderful. It renewed my interest in why I was trying to build a house out in that surrounding area last year... that is until Peter the Prick Contractor skewed my interest (jerk). In fact, I happened to notice that they poured the foundation on the lot we were going to build on, and I'm pretty sure it's the same foundation for the same house I actually designed myself (jerk).... that jerk. Still bitter? Just a tad.

And of course, once we got home we decided to make a list of all the things we had to do to this house before we could even put it on the market. My list contains 36 items. This sounds like a lot. Some of the chores are more cumbersome than others... but most of them are those little nit-picky things you just don't get around to because you just don't feel like being bothered. Like in the gym "fill in the nail holes on baseboards". Seriously not a big task but eh... I don't feel like it. "Fix the small hole in the entryway in the hardwood that your kid's therapist made"... yeah haven't done that either. I will say since she did that, she went on Jenny Craig and lost about 90 lbs.... plus the 5 wooden vent covers she stepped on and broke. Gotta replace those too (I just tried to re-glue them best I could). But our game plan is simple... go back to the house we didn't have access to today (the one we stalked), and if we like it, we get our house ready to list and go from there. Plus I told Jarrett he'd better make sure his company isn't planning on transferring him to freakin' Oklahoma this year or something. The fact that he had to re-order business cards for the same position is a dead giveaway this is possible (he's never been in the same position long enough to ever have to do this). That and the fact that we finished out our house. Every time we do that - BAM we get re-located.

Hopefully next week-end I'll shed some light onto this on-going pursuit of housing.

Friday, January 11, 2008


Yesterday had great potential to be expensive. My husband thanks the cosmic forces that his wife had great impulse control. I don't think the cosmos had anything to do with it... all I had to do was envision the look on my husband's face when he walked in the door.

What could I be talking about?

One word: puppy.

Ok Ok, one wonders what the hell kind of dog would cause the good people at Mastercard to smile in delight. Well - a purebred yellow lab puppy worth $980.00. Don't look so shocked. I mean really - it was a very cute puppy and besides that - it's not like I bought her. But it has been a year since my sweet chocolate lab Roper passed away, and today actually would have been his 8th birthday. I miss him a lot, and I miss him even more whenever I see someone walking down the sidewalk with a happy brown, furry fellow. Labs have this incredible humanity about them. They actually think they are people, at least Roper did. And they have this way of "smiling" when they are happy. Yes they have the biggest ole lips around, they sag, and they slobber. But you always can see a lab smile. I miss Roper's smiles.

So of course I pried myself from the automatic doors of Petland and ran myself to the van and drove away; telling myself "Jarrett will kill you!"

That evening I couldn't help it. Well yes I could, because Karis bluntly announced, "Daddy we went and saw yellow puppies today!" SIGH - so much for my suave introduction to the topic of dogs. Jarrett gives me this look, and I smile and look down at the granite counter tops, tracing swirls of stone with my fingertip. He says,

"So ... what's up with that?"

I tell him innocently enough that we were just near the pet store because I had to buy new boots (by the way, he never asked me how much I spent on the new, beautiful brown leather boots - because he was too distracted by the dog-issue! HA!). So we popped in to see "all the animals" and they just "happened" to have yellow labs there. He asked me a few questions and then asked how much. He just about choked on his salad. He studies me for a moment and says, "So are you thinking about buying a dog?" I told him well I would, but I know he doesn't think we should. Our yard is way too small after all. I blurt out "Well I wasn't going to go behind your back and buy it!"

"I never said you would, I was just asking if you were thinking that you wanted to buy a dog".

I start to load dishes into the dishwasher and say well yes, now that a year has gone by since Roper died, I have opened myself to it again. Before I didn't think about it too much, it hurt still alot. Of course I start to cry - SHEESH!! Nothing more attractive than said housewife blubbering over the utensil tray. By the way, this is not a tactile maneouver to get what I want. I get emotional a lot, and start to bawl. It's horrible really; I get all blotchy and stuff. He tells me that he wouldn't buy one from Petland, they are over-inflated in their prices, and that he'd buy one from a local breeder. Which prompts us looking on-line at local breeders. No we didn't put in an order LOL. But it brings me to the next topic of the evening... our house.

Jarrett tells me that we don't' have the room for a dog right now. I know he's right. He says that he wishes when we were going to build, that we had just built in Montero Lakes, same area different location of the "house from hell that never did get built". I say well it's too late for that now, because of the housing market (give you an idea, I bought our house for $400,000.00 and it's now worth $725,000.00 two years later). He says, "Wellllllllllllllllll........"

HA he's sneaky too people because he goes into his brief case and pulls out this housing listing IN Montero Lakes. He shows me this house listed, that has a huge yard, is bigger than ours... and about 200 G more than ours. I smile at him and say "yeah?" We go online, and look at it. Of course it is gorgeous. It's brand new, never lived in. And he suggests we take a drive out there this week-end to "check out the area". Then says, "oh then we could have a dog". Now I don't know about you, but I think my fantom dog set the ground work for him to bring up a new house!! He was just bidding his time this guy! Next thing I know he whips out his calculator (that's not a metaphor, it really was his calculator) and starts figuring out how much the mortgage would be - which only turns out to be an extra $500.00.

So, am I getting a dog and a house? Oh who knows! I mean with us you can never tell. Things we do are outlandish, and not exactly pre-planned too often. We aren't impulsive, but we go with the flow. When opportunities present themselves, we are always willing to explore the possibilities. Anyways, I'll keep you all up-dated on the whole dog/house conundrum.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


I have to tell you all this one, because I just about bust my gutt laughing over it.

I was at the chiropractor's this afternoon with Karis. She's been with me a few times, so I didn't really think anything of it. Dr. M was massaging out my neck and Karis asked him who he was and what he was doing. He explained to her that he was trying to fix the muscles in mommy's neck to which she said VERY loudly,

"Why are you feeling up my mommy?"

Stunned silence followed by a brief look at each other of "ummmmmmm" and then I did what anyone else would do, I started to crack up laughing to break the tension. Of course Dr. M laughed too and I quipped, "Well at least she said it here and not to my husband later". Kids - honestly they really do say the worst thing at the worst time.

In other news... I noticed the other day that Kierra was picking at her foot and went to see what the hubabub was about, and she had this really gross open sore on the underside of her middle toe. In fact it look like the skin was dug out and was very fleshy (sorry graphic, gross and possible vomit-a-la-mouth). I was disturbed because A) it was very deep and B) I wasn't sure what caused it. So being the wonderful mom I am, I took her to my doctor who looked at it. He frowned and told me he thought it might be a wart that split open. Didn't know that could happen, and really I was shocked he thought it was a wart. He said it wasn't infected (which is good), and that he wanted to do three sessions of freezing it. Well see here's my problem. I'm not sure it's a wart because he didn't even sound convinced. And I really don't want to do this to her skin if I don't have to. I obviously don't have a medical degree though, so I have to rely on him. My mom said possibly Kierra was picking and digging at it, and that she picked out most of it. The only part I could see is that it looked very calloused around the edges. Well I have to take her starting next week. I'm sure it will be traumatic.... for her too.

In other traumatizing news... I called around to find a pre-school for Karis for the fall where I was informed that she could actually be enrolled for Kindergarten! KINDERGARTEN??????? Apparently as long as she is four years old before March 1, 2008 - she can start Kindy this fall. Now I thought I had another whole year before I had to think about this. I mean I thought she'd start in 2009. And of course I'm conflicted as to whether or not I should send her? Do I think she can do it? Yes. Do I think she's ready to be separated from me? I hate to admit it but yeah - she's not clingy or "my mommy". She is independent and wants to do what the twins are doing. I'll admit I'm a little depressed about it. This is my baby!!!!!!!!! Enrollment starts next Monday. I'm sure to be brewding about it all week.

So anyways, that is my last few days worth of happenings. One would hope that next week will be a bit better, however considering we are freezing off warts... I wouldn't exactly count on it.

Monday, January 07, 2008


OMG - I have to pinch myself to the point I have to slap myself to stop the pinching... my BABY IS FOUR YEARS OLD TODAY!!!!! How can this be? Didn't I just spend last week complaining, "Is this kid ever going to get out of me?", "Jarrett seriously, I can't get my panties on - you need to help me..." and "why the hell did I agree to an elective c-section tomorrow morning?"

Yeah this is me one week before my bundle arrived (and when I was the hugest pain in the ass to walk the face of this earth barefoot and pregnant.

Fast forward (very fast forward) four years and now I'm looking at a chipper little girl with big brown eyes, funky pigtails and an insane adoration for Hello Kitty. My baby isn't a baby anymore. What makes it even more clear is the fact that I went through her closet and found actual baby blankets on the top shelf that she hasn't been swaddled in for over three years. SIGH - they still smell like Dreft baby detergent.

Funny thing is Karis should have never existed. I don't mean that in a mean "man you were an accident" way. Seriously, we were told we had about a 7% chance of ever naturally conceiving. So basically - don't expect too much. We did the IVF and all that fun stuff, got the twins - and figured perfect! Who knew when we celebrated their first birthday I'd have a 2 months worth of gestating bundle in my tummy? I was so shocked that when the pregnancy test turned positive, I turned white, yelled "holy fuck!" and ran out of the bathroom with my stunned husband staring at the little pee stick. And don't get me wrong, after the shock we were ecstatic! I mean never in our wildest dreams did we ever think I'd ever have another baby. I mean we choose to drop the birth control when the twins were 9 months and said "we'll leave it in God's hands". We just didn't think God would throw us a bone two months later! But I always refer to Karis as one of my miracle babies. Sure she wasn't the result of years of fruitless attempts at conceiving, or incessant needles in my backside, and surgeries and anything else sterile you can think of. But she was still my 7% miracle baby that decided to prove to me that sometimes life is full of surprises. It was no wonder my 7% was born on the 7th.

Am I sad? Yeah - nostalgic too. I was looking at her first year photo album and remembering all the funny little things she used to do. Like: she was such a sweaty baby that every time I breastfed her, the side of the head resting on my arm was completely soaking (as was my sleeve), that she used to try to suck Jarrett's face all the time, that she held her hair when she had enough to hold onto... I MISS those things. But you know, for all that I miss, I look forward to even more. First days at school, first sleep-overs, first ...... well we'll skip the traumatized mommy teen years. Let's just hope she'll be a little better-behaved than I was.

So this week-end we had the big party. Hello Kitty (shocked aren't you?), and it was a huge success. Child got so much Hello Kitty, I feel I should own 50% stock in that company. She is constantly telling me that she's growing (even though she still has 3T pants that are too long for her - she inherited MIL's stubby legs). Today is the actual day though, and it's bittersweet for sure. The only thing stopping me from crying my eyes out is how apparent it is that she still needs me. She still needs mommy when she's hurt, she still needs mommy to help her wipe her bum (lol well that's not my hi-light), and she still just needs mommy. What else can you ask for on your daughter's fourth birthday?

Friday, January 04, 2008


First... Happy New Year to all!! Hope you had fun ringing in the New Year, and sending out the old in style!!!

Me? I spent it with an incurring migraine headache. Yeah I know - my cranium sucks. Thank the Lord above for the bounty of which is Axert. Without it, I might be functional the next day, but in a lot of pain. Instead, I get to walk around in the cloud defined best as medhead, but hey - at least I can stand the light of day. Just so you don't feel completely sad for me, I treated myself to a massage for one hour today. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Also, there is the potential of a family feud to start up in any given moment. Not MY family - we are talking about those in laws of mine. Let's just say they did something rather stupid, thoughtless and ignorant last summer and it's finally caught up to them. The key player being one of his sister's who innocently sent hubby an email asking if he was mad at her, because if so, she was sorry. HOWEVER, she had no clue what he could be mad about. Here's a clue dumb shit: you purposely didn't bother to invite your own brother to your baby's baptism because of something that happened 3 years ago (which you never had any business getting mad about in the first place). WE figured it out ourselves the week-end before the event, but no one told us anything, has mentioned anything about it... just went on their business. His parents don't even mention her name during the weekly phone call (probably because it gives us a window to bring it up). Instead, we decided to let the issue of how big of assholes they all are to twist in the wind a little; why bring it up? Instead it's been rather amusing watching his family dance around it so as to not cause a controversy. I guess this is what happens when the best laid out plans aren't so best laid out. We have made a point of not calling her (she's not called us either) since August. Jarrett figured she can call him if she has something to say. I guess she had nothing to say (or was scared of a potential confrontation). So when his mom on Christmas Day asked if Jarrett wanted to talk to his sister, and he said "no that's okay" - this started the ball rolling so to speak. It started with "did you two have a falling out" to Jarrett's non-commital answer, and then to his sister sending him an email to his work (he's been off since the 21st) to ask him what's up. So far he hasn't even replied to her email asking if he's mad.
I'm sure this is driving her insane - as she knows he opened the email because she gets a notice when her emails are opened. Asking my husband why he hasn't said anything yet, he replies with a smile "I just don't feel like it". Lordy - you know this is going to get very ugly, very quickly.

The thing that intrigues me is HOW IN THE WORLD she can't think this would cause a problem? I honestly don't know if they haven't figured out that we KNEW ALL ALONG about this baptism we weren't invited to. Maybe she didn't want to bring it up as a possible "pissy factor" because she's not sure if she'll be putting something out there that we weren't aware of. Or maybe she's just ignorant. Or maybe she just doesn't feel sorry at all about it. I'm going with either option 1 or 3. In any case, she won't be getting off scott free by the time Jarrett is done with her. The worst part is his whole family obviously knew about it, because NONE OF THEM said anything to us about this baptism either. Bad mistake in our books. It's essentially admitting to choosing sides to something that is utterly ridiculous.

ANYWAYS.... as you can see, my family issues are already prevalent so little into a new year. At least I'm not in Britney Spears' shoes (ugh she's got issues), but here's to hoping for better, and happier, things to come.