WHAT MOTHER'S DAY MEANS

For me, this week-end is a time of reflection. I'm coming up on my fifth Mother's Day on Sunday. How can it be my fifth one already? Time goes much too fast. It makes me wonder how my own mother feels. To me, like many of you moms, this is a special day. It's not because we get to sift through all the little handmade pictures, cards and do-dad's from school our kids made. It's not the extra half-hour sleep I'll get on Sunday morning, or even the brunch with friends. It's the fact I get to celebrate this day at all.

Seven years ago, I wasn't sure I'd ever get to have children. We were undergoing years of infertility struggles and painful rounds of in vitro fertilization. We failed twice with the IVF, and I was about to give up. My heart was repeatedly broken every month. I felt a hole that I didn't know how to fill. Ever since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to do was be a mommy. The thought of not realizing that was devastating to me. Add the financial and physical hardships of the IVF - I was pretty low. To make matters worse, everyone around me was pregnant: friends, family. It felt so unfair that something we wanted so bad just wasn't happening for us. Our second round failed a week before Mother's Day. That was very bitter for me, especially since our first round failed two days after Christmas. I was beginning to think holidays were just bad luck for me to pee on a pregnancy test. Little did I know that same May that left me in tears was the same May I got an unknown Mother's Day gift. It was the month Kierra and Jenna were created.

Now for those of you not on the up and up about IVF, if you have left-over embryos, you freeze them for future use. That way you don't have to go through the entire process again. So that following October, after everyone convinced me to try one more time, we thawed them out and gave them a shot. I was pretty much at my breaking point and had even yelled at our reproductive doctor that I didn't believe him anymore when he said he felt we would be successful. I knew that the chances of conceiving with the frozen embies was less likely, because of possible damage due to cryopreservation. When the did the transfer, I felt indifferent. I refused to get wrapped up in the hype of it all. Even signs of a possible pregnancy I dismissed as being symptoms of the progesterone shots. Low and behold, on my birthday I finally got my greatest wish answered - two lines!! Not only was this the best birthday I could have ever asked for, I also got my Mother's Day miracle five months late.

The following May, I was still eight months pregnant with the twins. I spent that Mother's Day with extremely swollen legs and feet, but happy nonetheless!!! I had my baby shower, and I was on top of the world!! Less than a month later, I welcomed my miracles girls into this world! The next eleven months for me couldn't have been better. I mean yes I had a horrible birth with them, and then had problems afterwards health-wise - but that didn't take away from the fact that every morning I walked into a room with two sets of beautiful eyes and chubby faces waiting to see me and get their kisses!!! Fast forward one year, I got another pregnancy test ON Mother's Day that was also positive!! Cue the 9 month wait for Karis! Now that was an interesting Mother's Day! Eleven month old twins and pregnant again! We weren't sure whether to laugh or just be in shock! We chose to laugh!

When I think back on those days, you'd probably be interested to know it still hurts a little. Even in spite of overcoming it all. Because I sometimes think how easy it could have been to not turned out this way at all. To think I might not have these gorgeous girls in my life - it's unthinkable and unspeakable. I don't know why my path to motherhood was hard. Maybe it was so I would have a greater appreciation for the gift it was. Perhaps it was to learn that things in life can't always be easy. That the things you want most in life are the things you work the hardest to achieve. I thank God for the blessings in my life every day. It's not only a day to celebrate sweet little hands and faces that we love with every ounce of our being. It's a celebration about realizing what life is all about.

This Mother's Day, I encourage all you moms to take a moment. Absorb your life and ask yourself what this day means to you. Let your hearts fill with the love and pride you feel. And remember: this is a day to celebrate the miracle of being a mom.