BEAR-LY ENTERTAINING

It's a sad day when you have to boycott yet another Disney movie in your DVD library because of the content.

I had recently bought the girls "Brother Bear" to watch. My sister told me it was a great movie and that her kids enjoyed it. So I popped it in the other day, and the girls were delighted. I was not - so much. Why does Disney insist on putting words in their movie's like, "Stupid, Shut-up," "Dummy," and other things like that? Does it really make the movie that much better? Here I am folding socks, and I hear two mountain goats shouting "shut-up" to their echos. For us, having 4 and 3 year old telling each other to "shut-up" isn't something we encourage. How do you explain to them that just because you hear it; doesn't mean it's okay? This isn't the first time this has happened. I have so far boy-cotted Pocohontas (major violence), Hunchback of Notre Dame (more major violence), Pinocchio (kay kids smoking and drinking? nice), and other's I can't even think of.

Last week, Jarrett was following the kids up to bed, and Jenna starts to sing the old Spice Girls song, "If You Wanna Be My Lover". He almost passed out and fell down the stairs. We couldn't figure it out, where she even heard that song. OHHHHH that's right, it's on "Chicken Little." Why, oh why... would it be ok for kids to sing about how you won't have sex with someone unless they "get with your friends?" (By the way, that sounds like an endorsement for an orgy... lol). So we had to tell Jenna to please not sing that song. She asked us why, we told her we didn't like it too much. Think about it: you are sitting in church and your 4 year old starts to sing "If You Wanna Be My Lover." The priest would drop the wine all over the carpet, choir members would fall off the balcony in shock, crushing the congregation. Horrible incident - be on CNN for sure.

If you think about it; Disney has a long standing tradition of having cartoons that are shocking to parents (Bambi anyone?). Think of all the kids in the 70's that were traumatized when Bambi's mom was killed. It stands today tried and trued: Nemo's mom was eatten by a fish, Todd's mom was shot by hunters in Fox and the Hound, Cinderella's parents both kicked it and left her with the evil family, and of course Brother Bear, where everyone is either killed by a bear, or kills a bear. Whatever have you. Someone has to go. Don't get me wrong, I know death is a part of life and everything. Sometimes though it would be nice to let your kids watch movies that don't cause nightmares or long-winded explanations. I mean they can't watch Baby Einstein videos until they are sixteen!

So is there any children's movies out there you don't let your kids watch?

NOTHING TO FEAR - BUT FEAR ITSELF

I had to laugh at this. I was cruising around on Yahoo and came across this article about the top 15 things that men fear. I know probably 3 of those things off hand: commitment, unwanted pregnancies and vascetomies. OK I just added that to make a grand total of 18 things men fear. But anyways, I thought I would share them with you.

#15 Hair in the drain. Apparently the fear of male-pattern (or maybe un-baldness) is a big one. I think dh worries about it; but I told him no worries. He said nope; they are making great headway in plugs these days. He's still not folically challenged though (knocks on wood).

#14 Getting caught noticing another woman. Ha Ha Ha!!! Do men really think we don't notice them checking out the rack on the girl half our age? C'mon guys - get real. Ok I'll admit, we do it to. I'd be a big-ass liar if I said we didn't. The only difference is we are much less obvious.

#13 Rejection. Relationships, business, sports - it doesn't matter. I think this has to do with the alpha-male thing. They all want to be number one. Helps them feel manly and spray their pheramone around and impress the ladies and all.

#12 Super Nanny. Hell this woman scares me too; not to mention all the children in Western civilization. No one wants to hear how much they suck at parenting. However, I have adopted her "naughty matt" and it works wonders! But have you seen some of those parents? Lordy, a chimpanzee could be better parents.

#11 Speedos. OK if you guys fear them, why do you wear them? And it's not just the hot guys that actually look good in the Speedo that wear 'em. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you got your 80 year old man with a shriveled package, strutting around in it!! You don't appreciate a 300 lb woman in a bikini? Our sentiments exactly for you guys! I boycott the Speedo (spits).

#10 His dad's death. OK I can't poke fun at this one. I have a hard enough time wrapping my head around the inevitable death of my own father. I can't imagine how it will be the day hubby's dad passes. I guess when you think of your biggest hero on the earth, it's a hard thing to admit that he is only human (even though he's always been immortal to you).

#9 Her tears. Ha Ha Ha! The only reason you fear it is because you know you did something ultra-crappy and now are going to have to make up for it for days on end!!! I know my husband HATES to see me cry. I don't use it as emotional blackmail though. I mean some women cry to get what they want... I have more scrupples. I have other ways to make him do what I want (no withholding sex isn't one of them!)

#8 Being a lousy lover. Guess what? We fear you being lousy too. LOL just kidding; but really women are just self-conscious about it. Guys got to realize that insecurities only inhibit them. So relax, get your groove on and I'm sure you'll be fine. And if not, we'll give you a few hints (no worries).

#7 Not being a god to his kids. So true. Especially my husband: he has three daddy's girls!! I couldn't think of a better role model for them.

#6 Living paycheck to paycheck. Again, we fear this too. Nothing better than financial security. No one wants to claim bankruptcy. We certainly don't want to be dragged down with you when you claim bankruptcy. I think the biggest lesson anyone could learn is how to live within your means. It's simply a case of what you "need" and what you "want".

#5 Beautiful women. I've heard from countless drop-dead gorgeous ladies that men never approach them. They are too intimidating. Women feel intimidated by hot guys too you know. Exept we don't get into car accidents staring at your boobs as we drive by LOL. I guess the phrase, "It's hard being beautiful" is true.

#4 Getting naked. OK my major hang-up when I started to date my hubby. It's hard to "bare it all" because then you are showing your partner you may not be as perfect as they might think you are. It's nice to know men feel the same way. So I guess we should just all get over it and get naked! A little pudge here, a little sag there - it's all good.

#3 Tofurky. This just isn't right. I mean seriously; don't pass it off as turkey when it's clearly not. It's a slap in the comb to all those poor turkey's getting their heads chopped off at Thanksgiving.

#2 Not seeing his kids grow up. That's every parents worst nightmare. I know it's one of mine. No one ever wants to out-live their children; but no one ever wants to go before they are finished watching them grow up.

# 1 Public humiliation. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no one likes this!! Everyone has heard the story of the girl going to prom in a white dress and her period comes early? No that didn't happen to me, but let's face it... life is full of embarrasing moments that scar us. I can think of a few; the rest I think my trauma has blocked from my mind.

So there you have it: 15 things men fear. So what do you fear the most?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND

A very wonderful friend of mine is having a birthday today - some of you know her as Mamalee!! Happy birthday girl!! Hope your day is awesome and you have many more fun-filled years ahead of you!! I met her online in 2002; I was just ready to have my twins, and she just had her second baby. I've known her for such a long time; and she is by far one of the best people I have "un-officially" met. She's gotten me through a lot of rough times, and has joked along side me even more. Any of you that has met her knows exactly what I'm talking about!! Anyways, I just wanted to send a warm hug to my "sista". Much love always.

February is a busy month for birthdays for us. I have two brother-in-laws, a couple good friends, a niece and my grandmother. May is MUCH worse. I think everyone I'm related to decided they needed to be born in May. My Hallmark bills are way-high. I, of course, am the birthday coordinator for this family. This means I am responsible for buying all cards and gifts, signing everyone's names, and sending them out. It doesn't matter if they are related to me, or even my friends. How many of you have birthday duty around your house? Honestly, I don't really mind. I could sit and read cards all day. In fact, I'm somewhat of a card nut - I buy and send cards to people all the time for no apparent reason. I don't know why this is. I figure I always love opening up my mailbox and getting something for no reason at all. I mean it's nice getting cards on your birthday or anniversary, but when someone sends you one for no particular reason it makes you feel special because someone was thinking of you for no reason other than they thought of you.
So the next time you are browsing through a store, and you think of someone special, why not pick up a small card (nothing fancy) and send it to them. I'm sure it'll brighten their day to know that you thought of them!

FINDING THE PIECES

Have you ever encountered a moment in your life that is total irony? I can pin-point mine: third year university in abnormal psychology. We were learning about pervasive developmental disorders, and autism was the front-runner. After reading about it, and watching documentaries, I remember going home and telling my husband, "I think I could handle just about anything but a child that was autistic." Low and behold, 3 years later my child is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some may call it tempting fate... I don't know. I have long ceased trying to find an explanation as to why autism even exists; let alone why my daughter has it. In fact, until recently really, most scientists were baffled by it too. So the other day when I was in Yahoo, I caught the headling "Genome Experiment in Autism finds..." you know I had to click on it immediately.

Speculation that it is a hereditary neuropsychiatric disorder seem to be on the right track. Last year I read an article in Time magazine that suggested it was partially due to a protein that deposits itself in babies brain in utero. Just what every mother wants to hear right? In spite of it all, I'm always excited to hear breaking news on the subject. The newest research has identified that autism is probably a defect on the 11th chromosome (that's big by the way), and that neurexin 1 plays a part as well. It amazing that a few years ago they weren't entirely sure. Fears that it was because of immunizations freaked out so many people (FYI it's always been my opinion it's not a correlation at all: it just manifests itself around age 18 months when most people get their kids vaccinated). Others worried it was severe reaction to food allergies (caesin and gluton anyone?). To be honest, it is more reassuring to know that it was probably nothing I ever did, or exposed Kierra to that caused her disorder.

What's even more astounding is that there has been research in the UK on mice with autism. Apparently they have found a sort of immunization that once administered, cured these mice completely of their autistic traits!! Can you imagine that??? The idea that there one day might be an injection that could cure my daughter is unbelievable. Also, since isolating the chromosome, scientists believe they may be able to develop testing both pre-natally and post-natally to diagnose children before it manifests. Instead of the AFP/Triple Screen, they could add autism to the mix as well. For those that know, early diagnosis is key. In fact, most headway against autism is done in the first three years of life, however most kids aren't diagnosed until they are over the age of three (FYI: Kierra was diagnosed just after she turned two). Obviously this is a huge problem. The only reason Kierra was diagnosed is because of my education background, and my recongition of it by the time she was 17 months old. Try fighting your pediatrician that there is something wrong with your toddler when he thinks she's fine. I don't know of any child that talks up a storm and then all of a sudden, loses all her speech and regresses into a non-responsive state.

I have always been forth-coming on having people ask me about autism. Education to me is key, especially when you are your child's advocate in this world. It is amazing that even knowing how wide-spred it really is (1 in 150 children), so many people misunderstand it. Therefore, for any of my blog followers, if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me. I don't get offended or upset by it. In fact I welcome it. I do hope you all celebrate with me the wonderful news the scientific community has announced. It is definately a huge breakthrough on a disorder that we still have so much to learn about!!

For more information, please visit:

www.autismspeaks.com
www.autismresearchnetwork.org
www.autism-society.com

YOU GIVE ME FEVER

A good mutual friend of ours just had their first baby two weeks ago. Today, me and my friend "A" decided we would go and visit the new parents, and of course, get in some serious ohhhh-ing and awww-ing of their new daughter!

How many of you get that baby fever as soon as you enter the same room of a newborn??? OMG seriously; I could feel myself ovulate lol. There is just something so magical about holding a new baby. I didn't want to let her go, I could've just sat there forever staring at her. Can you tell I have serious baby fever? Yes I have three kids, two of which are fraternal twins. Yes I had them exactly 19 months apart... yes that's right. When the twins were 19 months old, out came Karis into this world. You should've seen the looks I got pushing around a twin stroller with my tummy larger than life. But in all honesty, I really enjoyed being pregnant. Having gone through IVF a lovely three times, I was in my total element being a momma-to-be. A lot of people ask me if Karis was an accident then, seeing how close in age the girls are. Believe it or not NOPE!!! We figured it took so much to conceive, that chances are we probably wouldn't by ourselves. Low and behold, two months later I peed on a stick and it was positive.

I am not a glutone for punishment. After Karis was born we figured I should give my uterus a much needed rest. I mean you can't just be popping out babies left and right. So now that Karis is three, I think I'm ready to put an occupancy sign out. Holding that sweet little one today just reminded me of just how great it is to start all over again. One thing that isn't up to snuff is my triceps and biceps though. She was a big baby (over 9 lbs), and my arm was actually sore from holding her this afternoon. I'm going to have to start bench-pressing babies soon; because apparently the days of hauling two infant carriers around are so far gone, my muscles are undergoing atrophy. All kidding aside... it's funny how the smell of a freshly washed baby overrides memories of smelly diapers.

WANT YOU TO WANT ME?

How many of you are guilty of buying US Weekly, People or any of those weekly magazines devoted to celebrity life? C'mon don't be shy. OK so if you don't buy the magazines, how many of you will click on the "celeb news" on MSN or Yahoo and read all the gossip? I raise my hand, and wave it defiantly at everyone. I have no life and must live vacariously through people who are overpaid, over-rated and over-exposed. OK OK, looking at it through a sociological perspective; it's a perfect example of the Conflict Theory: the have's vs. the have-nots. We always want to compare our lives to those who seem to exemplify the "good life." Personally, I think it puts things in perspective. Who really is the "have-not" here? The hard working people who drive reasonable cars, eat at Wendy's and like to watch LOST every Wednesday? Or the people who are so screwed up that every mistake they make is splashed up on the covers of magazines all over the country with the most unflattering pictures of themselves they could think of?

Wonder where I am going with this? Here it is: I honestly don't think being a celebrity is all that it is cracked up to be. Some of them are just so overly talked about; even they must be sick of themselves! You know what I'm talking about: you can't go ANYWHERE without seeing their names in print, or seeing them on ET or Extra. We kinda hate them, yet we are still completely fascinated with their lives. So here is my list of people I could deal without hearing about for a LONG time.

#1: Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie: Ok seriously people who cares? It's been over a year; let's move on from it. I mean this isn't the first time a guy cheated on his wife with someone hotter. If I have to read one more time about those two saving another poor orphan child I'm going to scream. I mean are they really spectacular people that are better than everyone else? I know people who adopt; and they aren't given the "Humanitarian of the Year" award. Give it a rest already!! And all the boo-hoo's that Jen is crying over those two. First off, if she is, she needs to get some therapy because she's better off without him. Second, you don't want him anyways if he was that willing to throw away your marriage. ENOUGH!! No more pictures of that Maddox kid with the crazy hair or the "blob" baby Angelina so lovingly referred to as her daughter. Stop the insanity!!!

#2: Paris Hilton: SHE'S SO SICKENING! She's not talented, she's not even that pretty for God's sakes!! She's always doing that same generic pose of hers. I mean no one stands with their ankles crossed unless they really have to pee or something. And with all her millions, I mean seriously spring for the nose job already!! That schnooze must dip into her Starbucks. No more "Simple Life" please; no one cares that you treat people like crap and have no appreciation for people that actually work for their money. She needs to take her 3 lb dog, ferrett or whatever else she has that is furry, along with her fake ass hair extensions and get lost already. Honestly, I've never heard of anyone so useless getting paid so much!

#3: Nicole Richie aka "I don't have an eatting disorder": OK girl, who are you trying to kid? I'm so sick of everyone going on and on about how worried they are about her. Give her a Big Mac already - the girl can't survive on tic-tacs!!! I don't understand how someone who must idolize Mary-Kate Olson thinks she's ok? Before it was how much her and Paris Hilton hated one another... and now they are BFF again. Personally I liked it better when they hated each other... nothing good can come out of pairing up these two doofuses together. Between the car accidents they create, and the tacky catch-phrases them try to stuff into pop-culture... do us a favor and let your 5 mintues of fame fade gracefully.

#4: Tom Cruise: Enough said!!!

#5: Britney Spears: I kinda feel sorry for her. I mean putting Fed-Ex aside; this girl is a mess. It seemed she almost had things together after she dumped her bum of a husband, but lately YEESH!!!! Who saw those pictures of her... um neather-regions? I did and I'm telling you NOT pretty!! Who doesn't wear panties when you are being photographed 24-7??? Plus hanging out with #2 on the list? Man this girl needs an intervention. It's like watching a plane falling from the sky and there is nothing you can do about it. Speaking as a mother I can't imagine raising kids and being that messed up. I think all those years of wearing too-tight trucker hats has gotten to her. The girl SHAVED HER HEAD BALD!!!! On the one side, at least we don't have to see her hair color of the week... I mean that hair was more a nest for endangered condors than anything else. Then she checks into rehab... for a whole 2 hours. They need to seriously get that girl some help. SOS - save Britney!

#6: Jessica Simpson: What the hell is she doing to her face? I mean her sister gets a nose job, and all of a sudden Jess is starting to look like Michael Jackson! I don't know how many of you saw her MTV show with her now ex; but that girl mostly has her looks to work with. She's not rocket scientist material that's for sure. For someone in her 20's, seems she's kinda getting a little neurotic with the fixer uppers. Hell I'm 31 and I don't need Botox yet; and that's with 3 children! Note to Jessica: girl stop messing with your face or you're going to be Joan Rivers long lost twin. She should invest her money in more worthwhile things... like adding Louis Vuitton purse 450 to her collection (OK I'm jealous because we all know I'm a purse fanatic). And trading down Nick Lachey for John Mayer? EW EW EW. Too much peroxide people - it can be a dangerous thing to brain cells.

Ok I think I'm done ragging on the celebs. I guess it just goes to show that the grass is not always greener on the other side. People are just people, and still have real world problems. I guess it's just more of an interesting read when you make a bazillion dollars. So who is on your list?

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP... IS NOT MUSCLE SPASMS IN YOUR LEG

OK who is with me on this one? You are lying in your lovely warm, toasty bed... totally relaxed. The sleep is wearing off and you are in your ultimately happy place nice and rested and refreshed. You go to stretch it off a little, get a little crack in the back, loosen up your neck a little... all the way to pointing you toes. And then it hits you all of a sudden... that awful pulling sensation in your calf muscle. You flex your toes in a vain attempt to block off the inevitable but you know it's too late. Your whole calf is griped with tight, excruitating pain as you silently scream into your pillow (might I add I yelled many a profanity). Full on charly horse. You try to flex off your toes to release the spasms in your leg; but that takes a few minutes to work. Of course Jarrett was already in the shower so I just rolled back and forth holding my thigh in my hands praying that the pain in my leg would ease up soon. WHY OH WHY couldn't I have eatten a banana before bed last night??? My leg is so sore this morning, I feel like I ran a marthon on one leg. What a way to wake up to the day. I guess it could have been worse... it could've been a migraine. (give it a few days, we are getting a chinook system any day now).

On a happier note, I received my piano yesterday! I was very excited as were the girls... especially for people who had no idea what the delivery guys brought into the house (the cover was over the keys; I guess they didn't know pianos did that). Once I explained what it was, joyous cries rose in the house, and I tickled the ivories and they danced around as though in a tribal fusion. Karis and Jenna actually ran into each other at one point, but that didn't stop them from popping back up and breaking into a polka or something (Must be the Ukrainian in them). Took me an hour or so before I found my long-lost piano groove. Soon I was playing Fur Elise and having the time of my life. Back is kinda sore this morning from sitting on that bench though. So lets recap: sore piano back, and sore muscle spasm leg.

OHHHHH and I can't believe I didn't mention this!! On Valentine's Day hubby got on one knee, pulled out a small velvet box and asked me to be his Valentine... with beautiful princess cut diamond earrings!! Oh yes he did!! I was totally floored and didn't expect them. They are gorgeous! I refused to take them off the other night, but I decided maybe I should because my ears kept getting pulled on from them by the pillow. It took us a while to figure you have to pull down the earring shaft before you can unscrew them. So I kinda made my earlobes sore with all that aimless twisting I did. Oh I guess another recap: sore piano back, sore muscle spasm leg, and sore twisting for no apparent reason earlobes. Man I'm in rough shape huh?

To top off the week, hubby took my minivan into the shop to have the ABS/TCS looked at. Turns out there was condensation on the wires, so that's why it kept being crazy and cutting out on me. So you can all feel satisfied knowing I'm not longer driving a metal coffin around the city. Good thing too, the roads here suck because they never plow. The mentality of the city counsil is that we only get one truly bad month of weather and the snow melts soon after... so why plow???? Well let me think: fatalities from car accidents, and probably millions of dollars worth of personal injury, vehicle injury and probably people running over light posts and mailboxes. Call me crazy but some plows for a month would probably be cheaper. Maybe I should've ran for Premier??????

Anyways, I got all the kiddos for the day; no JK for the twins. Can you say Mayham Mayham Mayham????? Pass me a margarita at the end of the day will ya?

YOU'RE INVITED... BUT YOUR TWIN CAN'T COME

Not very often am I at a loss for words. Ask anyone that knows me well (aka MamaLee - she'll verify this in a second)... that when it comes to rants, discussions or anything vocal - I'm in my ultimate element. However, right now I'm truly stumped as to how to handle a certain situation.

For those of you that are not familiar, I have fraternal twin girls, one that is autistic. Both of them are attending a junior kindergarten program at a specialized school. It's an intergrative program that allows typical children to mix with the disabled children; which I think is great! So for JK I wanted them both in the same class; to help them with their communication (Kierra lost pre-acquired speech and is just recently starting to talk again). There are other children in their class that are typical. Most of them are autistic though; so there are 3 other typical little girls that are good friends with my daughter Jenna. I'm told that Kierra prefers to seek out the same girls to play with in class as well.

Well the other day, Jenna brings home a birthday party invitation. She's waving it wildly at me and tells me "M" is having a party!! She's so excited because this is her very first party that is not neighbor or relative related. Of course I'm delighted for her; as she goes on and on about the cake and games and such. I look in Kierra's backpack looking for an invitation and find nothing. I check her pockets of her coat and nothing. I gently ask Jenna if "M" gave Kierra an invitation to the party as well. Jenna tells me, "No only I'm going to M's party." My heart falls and I feel so sad all of a sudden. I can't understand how anyone can invite one sister and not the other, even if the other sister has a disability. I understand that the invitee is a typical child; but still.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. Part of me feels that if both weren't invited, then they both shouldn't go. Then I think why should I punish Jenna for it? I hate the fact I have to even deal with this. This is a reality of having a special needs child. It's nothing foreign to me unfortunately. People invite Jenna to play at their houses without extending an invitation to her sister. Kids play with Jenna more at playgrounds than with Kierra. It's a sad thing for me to see because it truly breaks my heart. I know sometimes it's hard to understand why a four and a half little girl can't talk like the other kids. So do I email the mom and ask if it would be ok if Kierra came? I could assume she didn't know that the girls were sisters? Or do I just let it go? I honestly don't know... but how do you explain to your little girl when her sister heads out the door with a present in hand, that sometimes the world just sucks?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Happy Valentine's Day to all!!! Hope you got to celebrate it with your sweetheart; whomever they may be!!

I was thinking about a comment a friend once said about how Valentine's Day is just a typical "Hallmark holiday." OK I will admit, Valentine's is severely commercialized. I mean, as soon as Christmas is over BAM out come the hearts and cupids and all that other lovey-dovey crap. I mean c'mon you guys, I'm still digesting the huge turkey I snarffled down a few weeks ago... now you want me to eat a 50 pound box of chocolates? Ummm okay; but only because it would be wrong not to.

The one that gets me is Sweetest Day. OK that is the biggest bunch of crap ever invented. Valentine's Day actually is symbolic and has historical meaning... I mean it's because of this Saint Valentine guy (FYI: No I will not get into the whole background of how VD came to be; not just because I don't know either... LOL I'm sure it's just boring fluff to add to my post). But Sweetest Day IS a true Hallmark contraption. I mean they have a couple of slow months - gotta stuff something in that slot between wedding season and Canadian Thanksgiving. So if you're asking, no I refuse to buy a card on that particular day. I told my hubby he only has to worry about February 14th.

But anyways... I must admit I do enjoy Valentine's Day. Yes I like the cards, and yes I like the flowers and whatever else get's thrown in my direction for the sake of the holiday. This is not to say my husband is only romantic on one day of the year. He's a great guy year round (disclaimer: he might be reading this!!). You can't really argue with a day dedicated to love. It's a good thing, and much more practical than "national elephant tusk day" or "armpit stain day." (I made those up - I hope!).

So in closing, give your sweetie an extra big hug today. It's okay to be a hypocrite that hates the commercialism of it; but enjoys the snuggles!!!

THERE IS TIRED... AND THEN THERE IS TIRED

UGH, I think now would be an excellent time to start drinking coffee. MamaLee are you there????? Pass it down the screen baby.

So last night I wake up to the familiar bark of Jenna again. If you are thinking, "Wait did that kid have croup about a month ago?" the answer is YES. So I get to bundle her up at midnight, get in my van (did I mention it was -26 outside). Notice I have no gas. So I go to the gas station, try three pumps before one will accept my debit card; freezing my digits off and other things that aren't nice to mention. Get in the van and then my ABS light comes on, and the little light that says, "Service Traction System." OK last Friday I took in my van for a routine oil change, tire rotation and some other things. When I left the lot the same thing happened, and they did a scan and said it was fine. Apparently it isn't, because all of a sudden I have absolutely no traction control in icy weather. LOVELY!!! But onwards I trudge to the new children's hospital.

Get there to find the pay station is buggered... so I go to the others and same thing. Finally I say screw it and just go into the ER. All the machines are frozen (doesn't that foretell that it's too cold to be outside?). Of course it's not even bsuy in there but does that mean we get in soon? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I sat there from 12:30 until 3:30 until we finally got to go back. Ever try sleeping in waiting room chairs? Not happening. I had to listen to Elle MacPhearson and Patrick Duffy talk about some pilates machine 3 times!!! Get back finally and they leave us there for another hour. Doctor comes in and says, "Yup croup" and leaves. Wow all those distinguished years of medical training... for that. They go and get Jenna the standard med, which she WON'T swallow. She holds it in her mouth like a chipmunk. After 5 minutes we finally had to hold her down and pinch her nose and make her drink it. Talk about bedside manner.

Got her bundled up again, it's now 5:00 am. I don't have command start on my van by the way. We bought it when we lived in Indiana and let's face it, they don't even have that there. When would you use it? Ohhhhh but you need it in Canada my friends!! So of course I can't figure my way back to the main road. Never been to the new Children's Hospital. After 10 minutes I figure it out, and slide (literally) back onto the main drag of the City. My traction control is still buggered in case you are wondering. It's a miracle I made it home. Thank God no one was really on the road. Got home at 5:30 and fell into bed: just as hubby turned off him alarm to go get ready for work. My mom is visiitng and had no clue I was even gone. My sad croaking from upstairs made her pity me, so she told me to go back to bed. Except my doorbell rang twice, as did the phone. Sleeping is futile in a house like mine. Therapists playing annoying Winnie the Pooh games with your child, the other two fighting... not happening. Don't feel too bad, I passed out on my couch for 2 hours later that afternoon.

Waited for the delivery guys with our stuff. Between noon and three really means 4:30ish by the way. They bring it in: only after they scraped the top of my leather couch, and forgot the coffee table at the warehouse. I call and complain, they are sending me a new couch on Wednesday, along with the missing table. Honestly *sigh* it just wasn't the day I had envisioned.

TICKING THE IVORIES... AND ALSO THE BELLYSIDE OF VISA

You ever wonder how much you need to spend before your credit card company will call you to ask what is up with your daily purchases? I have to laugh... I remember Visa calling us to ask us about a $2,000.00 purchase just before Christmas. Yesterday I spent probably ten-times that and no call. Good to know the good folks at Visa are paying attention.

OK so just to recap: we went on a spree of sorts yesterday and YES we did burn the plastic. Since we got the money back off the house, and it already came off our home equity loan, why not purchase some equitables to put into it???? Is "equitables" even a word?? You get my meaning; as un-Websters as it may be. So we went to the piano store first. OK I just about had a cardiac arrest. Seriously I LOVE pianos. Played since I was a little girl; made it to the Royal Conservatory levels by the time I was 13. Just never had the room since I moved out of my mom and dad's to have one. So hubby took me and my mom to look at pianos!! I found the PERFECT one. Essex and it's beautiful! It's an upright; although I drooled all over the Steinway baby grands. Those make anything else sound like a monkey grinder's organ. But I don't have $64,000.00 (there was a full grand there for $126,000.00!) to spend on a piano you know!! I played my little heart out; it was a great thing to feel the keys again. I bought the girls some beginer books so I can start to teach them, and of course some new sheet music for myself. Jarrett even partook in it: I got home and found a book of all The Simpson's musicals in there as well. He loves The Simpsons... so I guess I'm learning the Stone Cutter song too.
We didn't tell the kids; it's going to be a surprise. Jarrett told me he thinks he's covered for Valentine's Day now. I jokingly asked him about the Louis Vuitton purse; no amusement there on that man's face!!

After that we moved to the furniture store to get the rest of what we wanted for the house. Since we finished the lower level off fully now, we had some of the furniture moved around. Everything that was in the family room, is now in the kids' rec room/playroom. We had movers come on Thursday to help us move it all around. We have this amish solid oak entertainment hutch... it made clearance of the doors in the walk-out by less than 1/2 inch!! I'm serious it was so close. We had to rip the screen door off because it was too tight. The girl at the furniture store was the same one who helped us two years ago; she actually remembered us. Now shopping with me and hubby, we don't screw around. We know exactly what we are looking for and never hmmm and hawww. I think we were the easiest sell to ever deal with in life. After about an hour we had it all. So the list includes: Bedroom set for guest bedroom, 26 cu in. side-by-side fridge, 42 inch flat screen LCD t.v., accent chair for the living room, leather couch set for family room, coffee and end tables, a woven rug, a painting... I think that's it. Ever read the book, "Confessions of a Shop-a-holic?" If you have, it was probably a perfect exerpt from that book. OK my house is now fully finished; I felt like I pimped my house. Think MTV will come knock on my door? I'm getting some of the things on Monday, some of it is on backorder though for a month. At least the fridge will be here soon. We still need to shop around for a new treadmill since mine is now possessed by demons and speeds up for no reason in an attempt to kill or possibly just maime you. We threw it into the rented dumpter we got Friday. Did I mention all my neighbors are calling to ask if they can throw stuff into this dumpster now? Didn't realize our drive way is now the community dump.

The end of the evening we went to Murietta's for dinner. Never been but it was awesome!!! No kids, calming atmosphere and all the crab cakes you could stuff in your face. The desserts there are divine as well. I'm sure my butt is thanking me for it.

PICTURE PERFECT... FOR A PERFECT PICTURE

Oh this is my youngest girly: Karis. She just turned three recently and being the procrastinator I am, I just took her for her 3 year old portraits today. I'm trying a different chain this time: I'm sick of Wal-Mart and Sears. Yes I will probably be paying a highly inflated price but after the photo-shoot, I think it'll be well worth it!!

Karis is a natural born poser - LOL. She was in her ultimate groove, striking a pose every which way you could think. I have to admit, she looked pretty cute in her outfit (which I bought at Gymboree for a price that is too embarrassing to admit. Can I just redeem myself and say I bought the sweater today for 1/2 price just before the shoot?). I am a total picture monger. I probably have taken more pictures of my children during the past 4 years than most people take in their entire lifespan. I figure there are only moments in life that last so long; so why regret never having them captured? Hopefully if these turn out well, I'll be dragging the twins in for theirs in a few months. Don't know if I'll do another Gymboree run though; I might have to take out a bank loan or something. Anyone else love their clothes but have a hard time getting over the sticker shock of them? Personally I love Children's Place; I can sleep better at night after buying something from there. Which is exactly what I did after the pictures were done LOL. OK yes I have a serious shopping fixation... I need an intervention please.

Anyways, I will be going to see the proofs tomorrow. They took about 74 shots, so it'll be nice to have the opportunity to pick and choose from the ones I actually like (unlike some chains that make you choose your package picture first and then everything is extra. $9.99 is not a good package deal when your kid is crossed-eyed or picking her nose). Hopefully I'll have some pic's of my cutie-patootie to share in a few weeks. Until then... ENJOY!!

DOLLAR SIGNS AND SIGNS OF THINGS TO COME

Do you hear that? It's the sound of months of aggrivation coming to a steadfast halt!!! Take one good guess at the reason why I have the stupist looking smile on my face... you got it in one guess no doubt!! We signed the release from the contract this afternoon and from now until forever will NEVER have to deal with Peter the Builder from Hell again!!!! Hooray for me!! Hooray for humanity!!!

So we go pick up the cheque tomorrow. I was so happy I had to celebrate. I went to Linens N Things and bought ourselves a new bedding set. Very purty!!! We could use it to pay down the mortgage but we figure naw!!! We're going to use most of it to do some things for ourselves, get some new furniture and of course, the cous de gras - central air. Now don't ask me why, but the good folks in Calgary have this stupid notion that no one needs central air. I would like to say these people must have their cowboy hats on too tightly... because there have been plenty of days we could have benefited from one! Plus, my neighbors will be beyond delighted we are staying. I was surprised they didn't stage an intervention to make us stay.

Poor dh was a little sad to sign away on the house, but he knows it's for the best. I rationalize we can build this same house, or even a better one later down the line if we want to. It's not like this was the once in a lifetime opportunity or something. So barring this cheque doesn't bounce from here to Timbucktoo - we should have it floating around our bank account shortly.

Can I get an amen please?

YOU'RE FIRED... (WELL NOT OFFICIALLY)

Well if this isn't the picture of affluence, prestige, bad tie choices and hair that is beyond unmentionable... Be careful Elle - don't want The Donald to read your blog and sue you with slander or something (Note: All comments I make on this blog are covered under the freedom of speech act and are my own personal opinions; oh and let's be honest... I'm not the only one that thinks the exact same thing ;) ). ANYWAYS, my humor is not top notch... it's 5:22 am and I've been up for an hour. Something about my bronicile infection and severe laryngitis that barely allows me to squeek anything audible. But hey, it doesn't stop this big-mouth from typing now does it?

I digress... this happens alot. So no I wasn't plugging Donald Trump's show (although I admit I have watched it... well the first 2 seasons and then it got pretty redundant), but I'm actually refering to my contract/builder. You say, "OH THAT again... doesn't she ever shut up about that house?" No. I don't. Hopefully that day will be coming soon though. Here's the scoop: We saw him this week-end, where he gave us the cost breakdown. A lot of bogus charges on there; I mean who charges you for the property taxes on land when he would have had to pay anyways? Who charges you for a building permit that has a transfer fee of $200.00? A real *-hole. But whatever, as far as we've ever been concerned, nothing is set in stone unless you are Moses with the Ten Commandments or something. So of course the builder did the hard sell of why we would be nuts for backing out. You know the typical, "no one wins," "it's an investment opportunity," "we're in the 11th hour," and "I hate to loose out on a deal,"... pretty much everything short of "you'd be idiots if you did." I'll mention a good jab though; he was going on and on about the money, and I finally retorted in my high-pitched lack of my fleeting voice, "It's not about the money, it's what's in the best interests of our child, and there is no monetary value on that." Well of course he shut up after that. What can he say? Yes your autistic kid has a price, and it's somewhere around the sum of $935,000.00? Not unless he wants my Guess purse swung to the upside of his curly scalp. Of course he told us there were no hard feelings, and he could work with us no problem. Told hubby that it seemed that he was a smart business type of guy, and knew these situations always have their moments, but in the end, everyone comes up smelling like roses. Failed to look me in the eye and ask me what I though about our business arrangement. Probably a good thing... meeting might have gone a little South then. I think he knows that I'm the final say. Jarrett told me that he could go either way, and has hinted it might be better for us to pull out of the deal. So basically the final call is mine. SHEESH, no pressure at all right?

So we left it as me and hubby would consider it all over the next two days, and get back to him on Monday on our decision. Friendly handshakes all around, hope we can get back on track... blah blah blah. So here comes Monday, and that's actually a few hours from now. We talked, and decided we are firing him. That's right, "Take a hike Mike... don't look back Jack... give us a partial refund you ....." We'll have to sign a mutual release of course. Stipulation he addded was we can't build or buy anything around here for a year. So with with our cheque in our hand (finally), we'll run giddily to the bank like people who won the lottery. Now you may ask me what is my price for peace of mind. Well I'll spare you the actual numbers but say it wasn't loss of all invested, it wasn't even half, but it was enough for me to decide it was a wash, and totally worth getting some decent sleep and getting rid of these pesky stress headaches. Hopefully nothing new comes up: he likes to pull rabbits out of his hat, well out of somewhere anyways. But if all goes well, we'll sign the paperwork and be rid of this locust from our lives forever. I'd say wish us luck; but you know I've learned it ain't over til it's over; and luck has nothing to do with it!! So here's to unburdening ourselves, and being satisfied in knowing that some lessons don't come cheap, but they are well worth getting out of.

GOTTA TAKE CARE OF THE GIRLS

Okay on a serious note: It is always a good idea to consider your breast healthy. I think a lot of women tell their doctos they do their monthly self-checks but honestly now... how many of you are fibbing just so you don't get the speech? OK OK, I'll admit, I'm not always on top of it. I mean I do every so often but not as often as I should. And on a more serious note... the woman in the picture up top... she must have had some morphine before she took that picture, because NO ONE is happy to see the dreaded mammogram machine. I have it on good authority to make that statement.

Long story short: I have a family history of some crazy breast cancer. I also have very cystic breasts. So last week I went for an ultrasound on the girls to make sure everything looked good. I had to take Karis with me. She decided she had to show the technician her boobies as well (LOL Moment). We all agreed they were probably ok. After the scan, the doctor said they looked negative (great news), but let's just get an old titty-squeeze to be on the safe side. It wasn't the first one I've had; because I had a baseline about 2 years ago; at the age of 29. Did I mention I get pain in mine? PITA totally but it makes me paranoid thus the early scan recommended. So we get to the room, and I swear to God, the woman administering it was trying to re-enact some form of torture or something. I don't have the hugest chest, a full B cup, but she crammed those puppies in there. After my mom told me they got my lymph in there too; but I could have screamed at her when she did the compressions. I was told it should be uncomfortable but never be painful...kay that was painful!!!!!!!!!!! I tried not to make a fuss since I had Karis with me, but she must've thought it didn't look right either because she told us, "No dank you boobies please." Yeah kid, I don't blame you!!! Did I mention I was probably the only woman in there that wasn't in menopause? LOL they all looked at me like, "What on earth are you doing here?" One old gal couldn't even figure out where she was best I could tell. I'm hoping for her sakes, having boobs to your knees means the compression isn't as uncomfortable.

Well they said it looked fine, final results in 3 days to my doctor. I tried not to give the mammographer a dirty look when I left the building. I mean I know it's her job but sheesh!!!!! I was so sore the next three days, it felt like pregnancy breasts! BUT even in spite of it all I just have to say the discomfort of it is worth it. I rationalize this because I think would I rather have sore boobs for a few days, or have them removed and have my hair fall out from chemo? Not a hard decision when you look at it from that standpoint is it? So to all of you that are in that age bracket that haven't gone (but know you should have by now), or anyone with a family history of it, especially if it's your close relative like mom or sis; get your boobs in there and get your mammi!!!!