Wednesday, April 04, 2007

DIRTY OLD PEOPLE


So my inlaws were in for a visit for about six days. This one actually went pleasantly well. For some reason I always visit with my inlaws at the EXACT same time I get PMS and my period. Not sure why... but it uncannily true. I skipped them this visit; for which I thank my uterus.

Anyways, they wanted to teach me and hubby this card game called Golf. It seemed simple enough and before you knew it, both hubby and me were kicking their butts royally. During one hand, my mother-in-law was shuffling the decks and wanted me to do half of it. While I was shuffling, she split hers and gave it to me and then proceeded to tell me to give her "half a dick." At first I just looked at her, and then I burst out laughing. She quickly realized what she said and turned bright red. Hubby was busting a nut and father-in-law looked like he had eatten some turtle crap or something. Me being me of course told her, "Well I can't give you half of a dick, when I don't even have a whole one to begin with." Everyone started to laugh then... it was quite commical. It reminds me of the time my own mom and dad were trying to lug their pool cover up this berm on their property, and my mom yelled at my dad, "Quit humping me so hard!" Yeah that was totally not what she meant to say.

The next night, we decided to play the same game again. Father-in-law was dealing the cards and went to flip the top card. When it came up a king he said to me, "There's some kink for you." SERIOUSLY! And I wonder where dear hubby gets it. I told father-in-law boy, I think we'd better make him and his wife sleep in different floors of the house. It was quite obvious what was on their minds!!!

You know they say those old people in homes sure get around. In fact, they have quite the few outbreaks of STD's (not pregnancy though... imagine that). I have a feeling that my in-laws are going to be a pair of dirty old biddies. After all, I am quite familiar with their son and as the old saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

7 comments:

Maria said...

I just love it that you are so relaxed with your ILs that you can let out with remarks like that.

I, on the other hand, would have politely pretended to hear nothing unusual. Over and over again.

So, good for you....

Melynda Hoffman said...

I went to a movie last year with my mom and when we got back and my husband asked me how it was I told him it was "alright". My mom piped in and COMPLETELY freaked me out when she said, "What are you talking about? I couldn't believe the EYE CANDY in that one. I have to get it on dvd."

After I put my eyeballs back in my head I went to the backroom to get sick.

Burg said...

I'd hate it if my il's actually came to stay here!! ACK! I cringe at the thought!

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I have a few dirty old man/woman stories from an old friend who used to work in a retirement facility....wow..these people can party!

Catwoman said...

Hysterical!!!! Good for you for calling them on it!!!!

Dustanne said...

That is hillarious. I love what you said to your MIL

Twisted Cinderella said...

LOL Too funny! I used to work in a retirement home and their libido was alive and well and cracking me up daily.