Tuesday, April 10, 2007

THE LOVE GAME


Ah understanding your significant other... think you know? Here is a true or false quiz I found about marital happiness and understanding the opposite sex. Now I scored 8 - which isn't all that great. I don't necessarily agree with all the answers for the record. As usual, I'll rationalize why I don't agree (and yes this is a wedding picture of me and my hubby).

1. Husband-wife arguments are usually won by the spouse who does the most talking.
TRUE!!!! Come on, usually the better talker wins. Besides, chances are if your spouse knows you aren't going to shut up until they win, the other just gracefully backs down in hopes that the situation will end and sex can resume.

2. Women are better at solving complicated problems than men.
FALSE: "They" say men are 50% more efficient problem solvers. I don't buy it. They don't seem to know how to put a damn toilet seat down and you expect me to believe they can solve more than 50% more problems than me? Hell my husband can't figure out what to make the kids for lunch without my leaving him a detailed list. PEESHAW I say!

3. Women tend to be more cheerful and optimistic than men.
FALSE: Apparently we are more likely to be depressed. Well I'll tell you what, you have PMS for a few days, then cramps for another few days, get hemmoroids, stretch marks, sciatic nerve pains, 3 day long labors, episiotomies, mastisis, saggy post-breast feeding boobs, endless nights of lack of sleep - and then add a husband who doesn't get why you don't want to have sex. YAH I guess we are not as chipper!!

4. Men get along on less sleep than women.
TRUE: Define "less" sleep okay? My husband gets 7 hours of sleep rather than 8 and he's all bent out of shape. Women need more sleep to function: Well no shit - we are the ones doing most of the crap those poor men with only 7 hours of sleep can't cope with. I had twins my first time around - I am the eptiomy of no sleep!!!


5. When faced with a severe crisis, a woman is more likely to go to pieces than a man.

FALSE: AHA!!! I knew it!!! Women are more likely to stay calm and collected. Women have autopilot that allow them to deal with the crisis. Yeah sure once it's resolved we may have a bit of a freak out... but hey it's nothing a little white wine can't fix!

6. Men are fussier about their food.
FALSE: Say what? Then why is it when I want to make something, I get 100 reasons why that's not a good choice. See women, they learn how to eat whenever they can; especially moms. Just cause I guy may eat a 4 year old sandwich out of a vending machine, doesn't mean women are too picky. It just means we refuse to eat things that are fuzzy and green.


7. Men tend to be more self-centered than women.
FALSE: OK I admit it; women are a lot more self-centered. I can admit this. How can we not be though? We are constantly scrutinized for the way we look. If you aren't a size 0 you might as well give in and eat a dozen Krispy Kremes because you're a fat ass. LOL we buy into the whole rigamaroll that if we aren't perfect; we are some sort of heffer. Men; they don't care. A pair of old shorts from the college years, paired with a tshirt with a hole in the armpit? No problem!!!

8. When a couple has mother-in-law trouble, it's usually the wife's mother who is to blame.
FALSE: SEE I was right!!! My hubby gets along famously with my mom. Besides, there is nothing worse than a momma's boy who still needs to tell his mommy every detail of his life. That's ok when you are 10; but not when you are in your 30's. Besides, you ever watch Dr. Phil and see those mother in laws trying to put out hits on their daughter-in-laws? Scarey!

9. Women talk more about men than men talk about women.
TRUE: Who else are we supposed to talk about? LOL. Besides we are more likely to discuss all the stupid things our husbands do. Men spend their times trying to think of ways to make up for the stupid things they do.


10. Wives understand their husbands better than their husbands understand them.
FALSE: This one surprised me. Usually all you hear is how men don't know what women want. Make up your minds; you either have us figured out or you don't. And don't men supposedly make it more clear what they do and do not like? Go figure.

11. Women make more fuss about minor and non-existent ailments.
TRUE: These people never met my husband. He has a cold and he's near death. All I hear is "I'm sick!" Please, I had the flu and breastfed a baby. I fed, went to barf, came back and fed some more, barfed and then burped the kid! And I don't act like a logging truck unrigged on the road and a log went through my foot when I get a splinter like SOME people I know.


12. Men are more truthful than women.
FALSE: LOL hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 'Nough said!

13. Most husbands are more intelligent than their wives.
TRUE: OK clarification: Men tend to "marry down" because they typically want to be smarter than their wivese. This doesn't mean men are more intelligent than women. It just means men are more threatened when their wives are smarter than them LOL.

14. Divorced men are better second marriage risks than divorced women.
TRUE: Men have a harder time the second go around. They are less willing to comprimise than a woman in a second marriage is. Wait a minute: does this mean they are actually more stubborn?

15. The widespread masculine belief that women are the most talkative sex actually has no basis in fact.
FALSE: It's true; women are more talkative than men. But this is also because women (aka girls) tend to mature a lot faster than men. In fact, female babies usually start talking earlier than boys.

16. Women are more easily bored than men.
FALSE: Men are more bored by monotony. Does that also go for monogamy? LOL that was a joke. But men do get more bored than women do. That's why they invented dare devil sports and beer. Makes things more interesting.

17. Men have quicker reflexes, react faster than women.
TRUE: They have to when we throw objects at them. LOL otherwise they'd have a lot more head injuries.

18. Men have a greater capacity for happiness than women.
FALSE: Women have more capacity for happines... however they also have a greater capacity for unhappiness. So does that mean 50% of us are delighted beyond belief, the other 50% of us are miserable? Either way; women tend to feel it out more than men, while men tend to feel it up more.

4 comments:

Maria said...

Oh, God...so true. I agree with EVERY single word you said and I am not even married to a man!!

I just laughed out loud about the splinter comment because it is so much so at my house too. I mean, good grief...I'll be sick as a dog and I still get up, get Liv to school and meet with three clients. Plus..bake brownies for Liv's school.

Bing gets sick and you would think she had typhoid fever instead of a virus. Once, she HONESTLY asked me to take her temp FIVE times in one day. Good lord, how old is she? Can't she take her own temp? I kept looking in at her feeling her own head and whimpering and I wanted to snicker, I really did. But, I didn't, of course. Because I know how to keep my head in a CRISIS!! :)Great post, Elle!

Burg said...

The mother-in-law thing is a definite reality!!

My husband also gets along great with my mom.. His thinks I keep him and the kids on bread and water in their respective closets!

Burg said...

BTW, you are gorgeous!! Your girls look just like you too!

Jenny said...

That is so funny!! I love it. I'm with you on all of it. Every last one...

You're wedding picture is so pretty! I love your dress, too.