Against my better judgement (and partially for the entertainment of Dari), I decided to partake in the 5 question interview from good old Slick. For those of you not well-acquainted with the Slickster - my aren't you lucky? ;) But seriously, I know he's got something interesting cooked up for me, and he rarely disappoints. Some people find him offensive. I say take it with a grain of salt. If you take people too seriously, you aren't having any fun at their expense.
So he brazenly emailed me my questions five!! I was afraid to open it to see what would be there. I wasn't too shocked, except for question five (you'll see why). So without further adieu, "Slick Interviews Elle".
1. You are trapped on an island with Al Sharpton and RuPaul. You have
cooked a bird and made a berry pie. Which one gets the dinner and who do
you give your dessert to?
LOL ok that was definitely a question I wasn't expecting. Can't I just let both of them go hungry? LOL. OK, I would give RuPaul the bird. She/He's a big boned gal and probably could do well with the protein. Doing all that catwalk strut probably works up one's appetite. Plus I don't imagine it's easy lugging around that crazy-ass weave. So I guess that means Al gets the berry pie. Now Al can't get all up in my face that I'm treating them unequally; after all they are both of the same race. He might tell me I'm going to hell for giving the tasty bird to the transvestite.
I would just rationalize that Al would be better off with the pie. After all, isn't he used to having it all over his face?
2. As you well know, I'm about to be married. (No, I will not give you my
phone number). This is my second time around. What advice do you have for
Hmmmmmmm, my best advice is to never leave arguments unsettled. There is nothing worse than people who dredge up situations from two years ago because they never bothered to resolve it. There is nothing to be gained by trying to keep the peace with someone and not saying what's really on your mind. It always comes back to bite you on the ass. Even in cases where you can't come to an agreement, agree to disagree and move on. And always remember that as much as you think you are right sometimes, everyone has their own point of view and what may seem right to you, may not make sense to someone else. So try to be open-minded - it's amazing what you can learn from the other person. That and don't leave your grey gnarly underwear on the floor. Dude put it in the hamper!
3. In your opinion, what are the 3 biggest weaknesses men have? The 3
I think the three biggest weaknesses men have are:
1) They think that they have to be macho for girls to like them: I have never been drawn to a guy who comes off full of himself. Chances are, if he's got that big of a head, there is no room for me in the relationship. Guys need to realize that girls (quality ones anyways) appreciate guys putting themselves out there for who they really are and not putting on ares.
2) They easily bend when a woman cries. It's true. Whenever I cry (which isn't very often) my husband gets very upset and will almost do anything to make me happy. Guys seem to hate that emotional vulnerability in women. They like other kinds, but not that one in particular because it usually makes them feel crappy and realize they do have a conscience. Plus it makes them weak because they are know in the worst possible position to be manipulated to do something they may otherwise not do.
3) They are way too obsessed about their bedroom capabilities. Seriously, I dated a guy once and he was so unsure of himself, and so worried about stuff... he made it bad because of all his self-induced psychological trauma. Men worry too much about whether they are big enough, last long enough, and that they can satisfy their women. I think men tend to be a little overly paranoid in that area. And it's not really sexy ya know? Use what ya got and get your groove on fellas!!
I think the three biggest strengths about men are:
1) A man that can show his paternal side and not get all worried about what people think. I love it when I see a man being affectionate with his children. That, to me, shows that he's a real man and is secure in his role as a father. The fact that he loves to cuddle and spend time with his children; an attribute!
2) A man that is not afraid to show you affection in public. I don't mean stuffing his tongue 6 inches down your throat in a passionate kiss. I mean a guy that isn't afraid to hold your hand, put his arm around you, or even whisper I love you in your ear. Men who aren't afraid to show their affection aren't ashamed of their feelings for their significant other. That's damn sexy!!
3) A man that treats you like his equal. I hate chauvinistic pigs. Seriously. I know a lot of guys that are stuck in the dark ages, and have serious disillusions about women. I like a guy that can admit that a woman is just as worthy of things in life as he is. I think a guy that doesn't feel threatened if his gal makes more money than him, but is proud of her... THAT's the kinda guy I'm talking about!!
4. Finish this sentence.... "Slick approached me with his pet tarantula
and stuck it right in my face....."
Slick approached me with his pet tarantula and stuck it right in my face, not knowing that I was going to wack it to death with my shoe and if Slick got in the way, so be it!! He should've never put that thing near me in the first place!
5. What exactly do condoms taste like?
Honestly, I have no clue!!! I have never tasted a prophylactic. I don't imagine they taste too good though. Probably rubbery. I do know what a bunch of flavored massage gels taste like though lol HEY I'm not a total prude ya know!
If anyone wants to do an interview with me, as their host, let me know!!! You can sit on the hot seat and let me fire away!!!