Thursday, April 19, 2007


So it begins: the trials and tribulations (and the utter horror) of being a soccer mom. We decided to enroll the twins in soccer this year and we just had our first practice/game the other day. Here I am with my little folding canvas chair, all ready to cheer on my little players!!

First things first, Kierra decides she does not want to wear her jersey. You'd think it was covered in thorns or something. She decided she'd rather wear her own shirt *sigh*. We get to the field and there is about 6 teams assembled there. She spies a team with florescent green tops (theirs are forest green) and she decides she'd rather play with them. Again *sigh* - so she's crying because we won't let her join their team.

The coach gets things rolling, and Jenna is having a ball. She's of course velcroed herself to the coach (she always does this with adults). She's doing pretty well actually and seems to be having good fun. Kierra, on the other hand, is standing there crying. She doesn't want to do drills, and a woman takes pitty on her and gives her a cookie. First off, let me say I hate it when people pity my kid. It's pretty obvious she's not typical... but acting like a bratt is acting like a bratt. You don't reward someone for a tantrum. But finally Kierra decides she wants to kick the ball, and participates a little. Cue starting a little game between teams.

Kierra doesn't want to play with the other kids. Jenna is good until other kids outrun her or take the ball from her. You can literally see her big mouth at the end of the field crying. I mean bawling. We try to explain to her that this is part of the game. Nope, every time she gets the ball taken from her the big mouth at the end of the field is crying. I'm so embarrassed by this point; but wait it gets better. Kierra STEALS a cookie from that woman who gave her one earlier. OMG seriously - did I mention how proud of my kids I am at this point? Karis is crying now, because she missed her nap and is super cranky.

Finally we put Jenna in goal, and she does really well. Unfortunately her own team member scored on her three times (at least I wasn't the only embarrased parent out there). Not to mention the kid that refused to be called by his name, because he prefered "Ace" instead. Finally after one long, mind-numbing hour, it's over. Jenna and Kierra both bawling. Karis crabbing at me as we try to lug them back to the van. Then Jenna proceeds to fall on the sidewalk. Once Karis realizes where we are going (home to bed) she's screaming. Honestly we were a walking advertisement for using condoms, the pill and anything else birth control.

And guess what the best part is??? We get to do it all over again next Tuesday!! I love being a soccer mom!


Janis said...

OMG should write for a magazine!! I am lmao here and the kids keep asking me "what's funny Mommy..I want to watch too!" well learn how to READ first and then we will talk...

TOO funny! I can't wait to hear NEXT week's story!! lmao

Em said...

OMG this was so funny. I just read it out loud to my wife and she loved it. Little kids and soccer is a great combination. Our kids were made us just as proud. Our oldest was pretty competitive. Our daughter is the slowest runner in New England. And Son17 just wanted to watch the birds fly over and play with the grass.

Anonymous said...

I am so in love with you and this post today.

Thank you for making me feel like I have a twin sister out there in the world.

You rock.

Anonymous said...

OMG! That totally makes me feel like Little League wasn't all that bad. But that is why he's 10 and this is his first year playing sports...

tulipmom said...

LOL here. My favorite part is when she stole the cookie from the generous lady. I've been there before and equally mortified.

Sweet Boy tried soccer last spring. The motor planning part was very difficult for him. Every time he tried to kick the ball, he'd land flat on his ass. Even so he had a good friend on the team and her dad was the asst. coach, so he did have fun. However, when I suggested doing it again this year, he vetoed it immediately. And wouldn't budge.

We decided not to push it, but I really wish he was doing it again.

I hope next week's practice is a little less eventful for you guys.

Chrissy said...

You are too funny! We, too, have been walking ads for birth control. A company rep for Ortho Novum acutally approached me in the local Wal-Mart!

Lene said...

Walking advertisment for birth I need to use that one sometime.
That is a classic story!

Lainey-Paney said...

How do you do it?

Seriously---I'd probably give up. And say "screw soccer; let's just color instead."
You're so brave!

Catwoman said...

This is absolutely hysterical!!!! OMG! The gems!!!!

I know this is sounding horrible, but I can't wait to hear about next week's soccer experience, because this stuff is priceless.

I'm was literally muffling screams of laughter here in my cubicle! I'm sure my anti-social neighbor officially thinks I'm crazy!