Monday, March 12, 2007

ANTEDOTES OF A HOUSEWIFE



During my cleaning rituals of the house I noticed a few things that just annoy me to no end.

WHY OH WHY when you look in your utensil trays, or your utensil holders, there is always that crumbly junk in the tray? Seriously! I wash my forks, they are clean when I put them away (I swear). I never put one away with a hardened piece of rice in there. So where does this stuff come from? It's disturbing! And you know, you can clean it and a few days later, there it is again!!! This stuff comes from the secret portal where missing socks must go to hide for 23 months before showing up a day after you finally gave up and threw out it's mate.

That's another thing; where the hell do the socks go? I paired up the girls socks - I had about 30 pairs. Put them in the wash, put them in the dryer - went to fold them and I'm missing two!!! Do Maytag have some sort of joke going that they sell us dryers that are possessed by lint eatting sock gremlins? I don't get it! It's the same sick little buggers that put that bounce sheet into your pant leg so when you go to the grocery store it pops out.

Why does my Swiffer leave more fuzz behind than dust it picks up? Isn't this thing supposed to be electrmagnetically charged or something? I'm dusting my piano and I pick up the dust alright, and leave 6 billion white fibers behind. Does Swiffer really think I prefer their duster strands to the dirt??? My power broom I have from them isnt' any better. The first 3 mintues is great, then you can hear it dwindle away in power and you madly try to suck up cheerios in a vain attempt. Why bother? Just get out the broom and save yourself the trouble.

Windex really isn't streak free. Birds and people do not walk into my patio doors because there is always that streaking behind. It's blatant false advertising. My husband insists I don't know how to clean glass properly. Am I to believe I am the only person on earth that doesn't know how to use Windex properly? Apparently so. But vinegar and water seems to work out just fine for me!

Why is it that when your pot of water boils over it leaves this burnt up film on your range that you can't get off?? It's WATER!!!!! Come on!! I've had every range top imagineable: coil, glass top, burner tops: they all have the same problems! I spent 15 mintues trying to scrub off the water marks under the burner. I thought white stoves were a pain to wash; believe me a black one isn't any better. It just shows off grease more.

Anyways, that's my cleaning rants for today. What are your biggest pet peeves when you clean?

5 comments:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

And they're all such very good questions!

When you find the answers you better post them along with your queries.

Burg said...

I just hate the fact that I have to clean..

Em said...

All of these things are so true...and such a conundrum. Wish I had answers. My biggest problem is that there is NO solution for all the hair that a golden retriever sheds. No swiffer, no vacuum, no broom...nothing gets it all!

Dustanne said...

I try not to clean, but I must say I laughed and laughed.
Questions are valid, something to ponder...wonder if we can google it?

Maria said...

Oh, god...you had me snorting right, left and upside down. Because. YES!! They are MY peeves too. I have a black stove too. I actually bought this really expensive black stove cleaner that does not work for sheeiitt.

I found a HAIR in my spoon drawer the other day. A RED hair. Bing and I are salt and peppers and Liv is dirty blonde. What? A long haired red rat?

And on another totally off note...have you read the recent issue of Discovery Magazine? It has an interesting article on autism in there......