FART-TASTROPHIES: THE SAGA OF A LITTLE ORANGE BUM

You know you are a mother when...

Your child has orange in her pull-up and you automatically think she's got some foreign disease.

Yesterday morning Karis woke up and her pull-up was full of this bright orange. It was neon orange in fact, and it totally threw me for a loop. I wouldn't have been more surprised if a leuprachan jumped out of there and asked me where his pot of gold be. At first I thought she must be really dehydrated or something; automatically think of brickdust. Upon more thought, I don't think that's it because this kid drinks tons. There is no possible way she's dehydrated. I'd better keep an eye on it; see what develops.

Three hours later, I notice AGAIN it's in her pull-up. Now I'm freaking out. I look on webmd; find nothing reassuring (ie: diabetes, renal failure... sheesh). I call our family doctor and explain what's happening. They can fit me in on Friday (don't they know she could have her kidney's shriveling up or laspe into a diabetic coma??). They tell me to call the nurses hotlink; because apparently my family doctor is too busy to hear about my kids bright orange ass. I call the number and sit on the phone for 20 minutes while the nurse tries to figure out what could be causing it. She's coming up blank; bless her heart she tried. Says keep your appointment on Friday, but she didn't think it was anything serious (neon orange pull-ups aren't serious?). Gave me some warning signs that mean don't pass GO, go directly to ER.

I then decide to try to get Karis to pee in a container so I can see the pee better, see if there is blood. We have those stupid blue pucks in our toilets, I couldn't see anything in there. I mean it looks like a smurf peed in it. She had already went in her pull-up again and amazingly enough, it was totally clear!! Odd I think to myself. I still insist she tries. Nothing. She laughs, asks to ride her bike in the snow, I tell her no. She sings a song, butchering up the words badly. Asks if we can have poutine for dinner. She gets off and I notice orange droplets in the container. I KNOW she didn't pee. So now I'm thinking, not area A... must be area B. Try to get a better look; she's laughing cause she ticklish and let's be fair; thinks it's hillarious I want to see her butthole. Then it hits me: I remember my sister telling me my niece had this happen when she took this mineral oil laxative... the SAME stuff I gave Karis two days before. I call up my sister and sure enough, she tells me this is a side effect she knows all too well. She's shocked I've never seen it before. I had to laugh: all that over some shart.

So I guess I can call off the exploratory surgery, the total blood panel and my call to the surgeon general. Boy a mother sure can get worried over the silliest little things can't they?