Friday, March 30, 2007

FART-TASTROPHIES: THE SAGA OF A LITTLE ORANGE BUM




You know you are a mother when...

Your child has orange in her pull-up and you automatically think she's got some foreign disease.

Yesterday morning Karis woke up and her pull-up was full of this bright orange. It was neon orange in fact, and it totally threw me for a loop. I wouldn't have been more surprised if a leuprachan jumped out of there and asked me where his pot of gold be. At first I thought she must be really dehydrated or something; automatically think of brickdust. Upon more thought, I don't think that's it because this kid drinks tons. There is no possible way she's dehydrated. I'd better keep an eye on it; see what develops.

Three hours later, I notice AGAIN it's in her pull-up. Now I'm freaking out. I look on webmd; find nothing reassuring (ie: diabetes, renal failure... sheesh). I call our family doctor and explain what's happening. They can fit me in on Friday (don't they know she could have her kidney's shriveling up or laspe into a diabetic coma??). They tell me to call the nurses hotlink; because apparently my family doctor is too busy to hear about my kids bright orange ass. I call the number and sit on the phone for 20 minutes while the nurse tries to figure out what could be causing it. She's coming up blank; bless her heart she tried. Says keep your appointment on Friday, but she didn't think it was anything serious (neon orange pull-ups aren't serious?). Gave me some warning signs that mean don't pass GO, go directly to ER.

I then decide to try to get Karis to pee in a container so I can see the pee better, see if there is blood. We have those stupid blue pucks in our toilets, I couldn't see anything in there. I mean it looks like a smurf peed in it. She had already went in her pull-up again and amazingly enough, it was totally clear!! Odd I think to myself. I still insist she tries. Nothing. She laughs, asks to ride her bike in the snow, I tell her no. She sings a song, butchering up the words badly. Asks if we can have poutine for dinner. She gets off and I notice orange droplets in the container. I KNOW she didn't pee. So now I'm thinking, not area A... must be area B. Try to get a better look; she's laughing cause she ticklish and let's be fair; thinks it's hillarious I want to see her butthole. Then it hits me: I remember my sister telling me my niece had this happen when she took this mineral oil laxative... the SAME stuff I gave Karis two days before. I call up my sister and sure enough, she tells me this is a side effect she knows all too well. She's shocked I've never seen it before. I had to laugh: all that over some shart.

So I guess I can call off the exploratory surgery, the total blood panel and my call to the surgeon general. Boy a mother sure can get worried over the silliest little things can't they?

10 comments:

Twisted Cinderella said...

I would have panicked too. We mothers are protective over every part of our babies even their behinds and what comes out of them. LOL Glad it was nothing serious.

Maria said...

I am so glad for the warning. I actually wrote it in my notebook that I keep about things I need to know. I still can't believe that I even have one of those.

My last notation in that book says, "If you find blood in stools, before you panic, think back to dinner the last few nights. Any beets? They make for bloody looking stools."

I learned this the hard way. Yup. Over a week of terror, convinced that Liv had colon cancer.

Jersey Mum said...

That is hilarious! We know that nothing neon should naturally come out of our kids. When I was a kid, I had to take something for a bladder infection that turned my pee neon orange. I totally understand the shock factor! Just make sure you have some bleach on hand. My neon pee had toilet-staining capability. LOL

Mom on Coffee said...

FUNNY! I freaked one time when the kids poop was red, but after a while I realized we had red hot dogs for dinner the night before...

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I would have totally rushed her to the er.....Good for you for keeping your cool!!!!

Slick said...

To be honest, I'd have freaked too.

My days of lookin' in diapers is over thank goodness :)

Dustanne said...

I am so sorry, but I laughed throught the whole post....your writing is wonderful....do you write books????
I am glad it wasn't anything serious and she is ok. Glad you are ok to....

Burg said...

My daugher had an orange diaper once.. It was very strange looking. I'm pretty sure that it was due to some kool-aid she'd tried to drink. I did panic.. I think I called my mom to come look at it!

Melynda Hoffman said...

Yep. Nuts. That is what does it with my kids. When they do poop it out and it isn't the orange blotch on their panties from leakage it is an oily orange that floats in the toilet. Freaked me way out. I was looking it up and found many many scary diseases that it could have been. Low and behold it is when they eat too many cashews.

MamaLee said...

mmm, smurf pee.