SEND IN THE CLOWN

Clowns. Did you know that is the number one fear of society? Not spiders, not even heights (althought they rank up there pretty high). Yes clowns. And how could you not? I mean has any of you watched the movie, "IT" by Stephen King? Man that's one scary ass clown. I mean seriously; I wouldn't want that mutha at my birthday party!

Now, the "Pates Baroni" clown as shown here, he's not the sewer dwelling kinda clown like King's Pennywise was. Maybe if Pennywise ate something other than the fears of children, he wouldn't have been so bloody crabby. Plus dude was in serious need of a good dental plan. But this fun-loving clown has meaning in this household. Kierra LOVES pasta. And when I say love, I mean this kid would eat it 24-7 if you let her. Every day, there is a box of pasta sitting on my counter top. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm making it; but it'll still be perched on the counter just the same. Kierra adores anything pasta related... cue the picture. This picture is displayed in most eatteries that serves pasta. And that's where Kierra first saw it. She is a girl of few words, but she always smiles and says "pasta" when she sees him. We laughed, and thought it cute. To see her face light up every time she saw it; it was great to see something having such a positive effect on her.

So anyways, I was in Michael's Crafts looking at prints, and happened on this particular print "Pates Baroni". I immediately thought of Kierra and had to buy it. We have a Tuscan themed kitchen, so it fit right in there. So the "spaghetti clown," as he has been affectionately be named, has definately become part of our art culture. It's funny what people consider to be tasteful art. Some people love impressionism, others like abstract... we like the spaghetti clown. People do often look at it; and look at us like "okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkay" but hey, it's all subjective. Besides, how can you not love a clown? Oh that's right...

THE ILLOGICAL NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is based on what it gives,
Not what it gets.

Friendship stays alive by serving the other,
Not seeking to be served.

Friendship is motivated by love,
Not debt.

Friendship is willing to sacrifice,
Without seeing or expecting in return.

It doesn't make sense, but the more it gives up,
The stronger it gets.


I found this little excerpt in a book about friendship. I thought it was pretty insightful. Unfortunately it didn't have the author's name on it. Maybe it was just someone who had something to say; but didn't necessarily didn't want the credit for it. Well, anonymous or not, I just had to share his/her words on here.

One of my closest buds called me last night; out of the blue. It was nice to hear from her. We've both been so busy with our kids; and we live far from one another. But every year we still make a point of visiting. I've known her for about 17 years. It made me think about all the people I have called "friend" in this lifetime. Some I think of some quite often, even though it may have been months or years since we've last talked. Some I've made over the past few years; and it's like I've known them all my life. Hell, there are people I've never "officially" met; and I call them my best confidents in this world. There are people I thought I'd never lose touch with; but I have. There is a few I've known since before I grew boobs (LOL had to say it; but it's true). And there are some people you just can't let go of, even though they've let go a long time ago.

Friendship is something I truly treasure. As a woman, and a mom; I find that it's the one stable thing that keeps me grounded. They are my sounding boards; my sanctuaries when I'm going off the deep end. Of course I consider my husband my "best" friend in this life (I think it's sad when you can't say that about your spouse). But a gal always needs her girls too. There is just something natural and easy about telling your best girlfriends all your troubles (not only because they think your husband is a dick when you think he is), but because they can relate to your thoughts and feelings only like a fellow woman can.

May you all cherish your own friendships; keep them close in your hearts and feel blessed for having them.

ANTEDOTES OF A HOUSEWIFE

During my cleaning rituals of the house I noticed a few things that just annoy me to no end.

WHY OH WHY when you look in your utensil trays, or your utensil holders, there is always that crumbly junk in the tray? Seriously! I wash my forks, they are clean when I put them away (I swear). I never put one away with a hardened piece of rice in there. So where does this stuff come from? It's disturbing! And you know, you can clean it and a few days later, there it is again!!! This stuff comes from the secret portal where missing socks must go to hide for 23 months before showing up a day after you finally gave up and threw out it's mate.

That's another thing; where the hell do the socks go? I paired up the girls socks - I had about 30 pairs. Put them in the wash, put them in the dryer - went to fold them and I'm missing two!!! Do Maytag have some sort of joke going that they sell us dryers that are possessed by lint eatting sock gremlins? I don't get it! It's the same sick little buggers that put that bounce sheet into your pant leg so when you go to the grocery store it pops out.

Why does my Swiffer leave more fuzz behind than dust it picks up? Isn't this thing supposed to be electrmagnetically charged or something? I'm dusting my piano and I pick up the dust alright, and leave 6 billion white fibers behind. Does Swiffer really think I prefer their duster strands to the dirt??? My power broom I have from them isnt' any better. The first 3 mintues is great, then you can hear it dwindle away in power and you madly try to suck up cheerios in a vain attempt. Why bother? Just get out the broom and save yourself the trouble.

Windex really isn't streak free. Birds and people do not walk into my patio doors because there is always that streaking behind. It's blatant false advertising. My husband insists I don't know how to clean glass properly. Am I to believe I am the only person on earth that doesn't know how to use Windex properly? Apparently so. But vinegar and water seems to work out just fine for me!

Why is it that when your pot of water boils over it leaves this burnt up film on your range that you can't get off?? It's WATER!!!!! Come on!! I've had every range top imagineable: coil, glass top, burner tops: they all have the same problems! I spent 15 mintues trying to scrub off the water marks under the burner. I thought white stoves were a pain to wash; believe me a black one isn't any better. It just shows off grease more.

Anyways, that's my cleaning rants for today. What are your biggest pet peeves when you clean?

RE-INVASION OF THE 80'S!!

Am I the only one out there that thinks you should only have to live through 80's fashions once in your lifetime?

I am going to a birthday party for a friend of mine this week-end. He'll be 36 - he was a teen of the 80's. So his wife decided to throw him an 80's themed party. Sounds fun - until she says we all have to dress like the 80's. I'm going to be honest, by the time I was hip to the 80's, it was 88 or 89, so I really didn't spend a lot of time doing the 80's thing. But I figured I can be a good sport, and yes I have backcombed my bangs 7 feet high, so technically I have experienced it.

We went shopping for outfits and I was blown away. Fashions right now ARE the 80's!! Big shirts, leggings with lace, big ugly belts and those horrid plastic looking shoes. Not to mention the plastic jewelry. I just about laughed! How easy was that! But personally, I don't think I'll be dressing like that on purpose. Seeing the young girls shopping and wearing this stuff; it's hillarious that my purchases were for a costume party. It's funny how these things make a come-back when you are older. I'm guess retro 80's is the "in" thing. Does this mean my grand kids will be wearing low-rise jeans?

All I have to say is if they bring back acid wash jeans, I will have to protest. Nothing good can be said about those - even though I had some and had them pinned and folded at the ankles. What were your favorite memories of the 80's??

LIFE'S GOLDEN TICKET

When I was a little girl, I used to love the original "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I could watch that movie 100 times, and I think I did. My grandparents had a dish and they had taped it for us kids for when we came to visit. We must've watched that tape over and over again. The ompa-loompa's freaked me out (they must've had too much carotene in their diets, I don't know about those crazy rickets), but it was a good flick. I especially loved it when Charlie finds the last golden ticket in his candy bar. I have to admit, I always cautiously looked for mine whenever I was given a Kit Kat. I mean you just never know when Willie Wonka might slip one in there!

It got me thinking though - what is your golden ticket moment in life? What stands out to you as being that moment in time where you felt you were on top of the world and that life was shining down on you? Was it the day you married your significant other? Was it the day someone special first said they loved you? Was it when you heard your children's first cries in this world? Maybe that is a hard question because life is full of many priceless moments. How can you single out one and say it was the defining moment of your life?

I have a theory on this: I think your golden ticket is looking back on your life and thinking, "I've had a wonderful journey." I think it's made up of so many different events and memories; that living a good and happy life is the ticket to it all. That's my though on it, you may agree or disagree. Whatever your thoughs; I do hope you find your golden ticket in this lifetime.

WHAT A GIRL NEEDS....

OK and I did steal this idea from MamaLee; because she steals good ideas all the time ;) Maybe we should start copyrighting our blogs? No worries we share everything - even Janis ;)
Google your name as "........ needs" and then see what you come up with. I loved MamaLee's list - here is mine!

1. ELLE NEEDS TO CREATE A REALITY SHOW - If I did would you watch me? I promise not to be like Ricky Lake with the "talk to the hand" or like Maury with the "Who You Baby Daddy?" shows.

2. ELLE NEEDS BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS - Yikes!! Man is that still standing from 2002 when I had the c-section with the twins? That's a long time to need blood. Is a vampire secretly draining me at night? Is it dh? I am partly Romanian you know. No wonder I'm anemic!

3. ELLES NEEDS A PART-TIME ACTING ASSOCIATE EDITOR - OK what exactly is that and why do I need it? Apparently I do. All qualified applicants should have washboard abs, nice fully head of hair, and a manly name like "Chase" or "Sven" or something. Fabios need not apply.

4. ELLE NEEDS DATING HELP - Apparently someone didn't get their wedding invitation back in 1998. If I'm dating again, that's news to me and hubby. Hopefully I'm not on the market anytime soon!

5. ELLE NEEDS INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM - I didn't realize I was so popular. Believe me, any investigative work done on me would be rather boring. No one would win a Pultzer for my life-time documentary or anything.

6. ELLES NEEDS A BEAUTIFUL ION OF INTIMATE APPAREL - What you no like my leather whips and my chaps? C'mon people - let me work with with what I got!!! Apparently I should start shopping at Victoria's Secret rather than that "Adult" store located near the liquor mart.

7. ELLE NEEDS TO RENT A TOUR BUS - But I just got back from tour!! I think me and MamaLee should go on tour together - cut down on the bus rental fees. We could get a small U-Haul trailer to haul the kids in behind the bus. What do you think?

8. ELLE NEEDS TO SWAY SOME OPINION - Isn't that what I'm always trying to do?

9. ELLE NEEDS TWO OMNI ATTENNAS - OKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, I'm not sure why that exactly is. Oh that's right, I'm plotting to take over the world in my evil diabolic plan. I shall reign terror over the world! WOOO HA HA HA!

And my personal favorite....

10. ELLE NEEDS TO BE SHORTER, PUNCHIER AND CHEAPER - LOL OK I totally sound like a prostitute here. Apparently I take too long, need to bitch slap someone, and lower my rates. I dunno, what is the conversion on the Canadian dollar right now? People stop offering me food stamps ok? That's not payment!!

MAID FOR CLEANING... OR MADE FOR CLEANING?

I have been toying with the idea of having a cleaning service come into the house once a week to help me keep up with the house. I have to admit: I have issues with it. Not because I'm particularly picky, but mostly because I don't want people to think I'm lazy (how sad is that?). It doesn't help that my mother-in-law always asks me, "So when are you getting a maid?" Our house is approximately 4,300 sq feet so she thinks that means I need a maid.

When Kierra's annual review was done for her services, they gave us a subsidy for a cleaning services. Bascially 12 hours per month, and they will cover $16.00/hour of it. I won't go into huge detail why this is: let's just say caring for her can be extroidinary circumstances. They offer this to most families with special needs children here; this is the same program I get our respite from. Anyways back to the cleaning service.

So yesterday I interviewed a company. The gentleman seemed nice enough; he gave me his presentation and all that. I showed him the house, he made a few comments. Then he gave me his breakdown of price; to the tune of $35.00/hour! So yes that's $19.00/hour out of pocket for me. The only problem is he's saying 3 hours per week, and that quickly eats up my subsidy. I'm deliberating what I do next. I could try to find someone that is private, but then I don't know if they are bonded or anything. This company carries insurance. Part of me wants to tell dh to forget it; I can do the house myself. And I can; it just takes me a few days. Any imput out there for someone looking to let someone else do the vaccuming?

REFRESHING?

Buying one of those plug-in air fresheners is somewhat of an aromatic connumdrum. You open up the package, take off those plastic covers and your house instantly smells like a lemon grove or an orchard or something. Even on the lowest setting possible, it gives you a migraine just walking 20 feet from it - the smell is that strong! And here's a warning; don't ever get that liquid on your hands. I swear I touched it accidentally and I can STILL smell pommegrantes or whatever it is. It absorbed into my skin and won't let go! Having fragrant fingers isn't exactly handy... plus people might look at you funny if you ask them to sniff em.

So why is it after a few days or having these things plugged in, you don't smell anything at all? At first I thought I was just used to it; but I really don't think that's the case. Wouldn't I smell it when I was out for a few hours, and came back in the house? I asked my mom and she said she didn't smell anything either. Those contraptions are such a hit and miss. You are either so inundated with aroma that your nostrils are in a 3 inch permanent flare, triggering allergies you never knew you had; or you can't smell a darn thing except stinky kids boots sitting in the closet down the hallway. Why is it so hard for Glade, AirWick, Frebreeze or any of those great companies to make an air freshener that is somewhere in the middle? I mean they charge enough for the bloody things; it would be nice for them to work for more than 3 days (3 days of which you can't even breathe).

Don't ask me why I continue my quest to buy these things; in a hope to find one that actually works. I am definately a "sniff" person: I love scented candles, nice smelling dish detergent, and I love the smell of Downy. I'm nasally fixated I guess. So does anyone have a product to recommend that doesn't peter out in less than a week?

ALWAYS..... PUT AWAY YOUR ALWAYS

My mother would laugh ... payback always comes full circle!

This morning, I went into our bathroom on the main floor. I absently left a full new package of pantyliners on the counter (sorry guys; but it is what it is). I wasn't even thinking. Yes I could have undid the child safety lock and put them in the cabinet. OR I could be lazy, throw them on the counter to worry about them later.

Turns out later is when you happen by the bathroom and see the light on. You peek inside to see who is using the facilities, and instead find HALF the bag of Always has been un-done and pantyliners are stuck on your wall or on your bathroom mirror!! Not to mention the nifty little pre-packaged wipes they now put on the wrappers are collected in a neat pile in the bathroom sink! I had to laugh; because if I had not noticed it; 15 minutes later Kierra's therapist probably would have! How do you explain approximately 10 pantyliners stuck in your bathroom? A decorative muse? A political statement: I am a woman and I get a period; and I'm not ashamed! Or that you are just lazy and didn't bother to put them away, and that's what happens when your autistic child finds them sitting there.

The reason why I said "full circle" in the begining of my post is I did the EXACT same thing when I was about Kierra's age. My mom came into her bathroom to find me with them stuck all over my outfit and two in my hair! So apparently maxi-pad fashion is hereditary. Maybe we should just stick to Playtex?

CHOOSING YOUR CHOICES

OK seriously: do you ever hear your child talk and wonder where on earth they come up with the things that so effortlessly fall from their lips? Ever try hard not to laugh your face off when they make these sudden proclamations? The other night at dinner, Jenna (one of the twins) was monitoring me making dinner. As soon as I pulled the brocolli out of the veggie crisper, I knew it was coming. "Ohhhh what is THAT?", "I don't want to eat that!", "I don't think that looks right." Sheesh kid, at least wait until it's on your plate before you start to dog it!!

Let me back up a second and give you a better understanding about Jenna and meals. Since this kid was born; she's been a picky eatter. Can't breastfeed cause she's too lazy, or because my nipple didn't look sanitary enough (she is a clean freak). Every time she ate, about 10 minutes later, it re-surfaced (of all the matching baby outfits, Jenna's always had the stains). Jenna can live off of one saltine and a juice box for an entire week. The child is 4 1/2 and probably weighs a whopping 32 lbs soaking wet. She'd rather go hungry than eat a meal she doesn't approve of. She gives us the "reject" fries at McDonald's if they have any brown discoloration, any strange "dints" or anything else that doesn't meet her anal non-french fry standards. Ever see a kid try to dust off her food for no aparent reason? She has a meal repetoire of probably 8 things. Got it all? OK back to the brocolli.

So anyways, she tells me she's not hungry (although she is), and when she comes to the table about 10 mintues after dinner starts, she begins to complain about the meal. I made scalloped potatoes with cheese and chicken florentine too; so even in spite of the brocolli, something should have been ok. All of a sudden, Jenna says to me very seriously,

J - "Mom, I have to start making my own choices in life."
Me - "Excuse me?"
J - "I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I need to make my choices."
Me - trying not to laugh "Oh really?"
J - "Yes. I'm making a choice to not eat this brocolli. It has celery on it."
Me - "I'm pretty sure there is no celery on your brocolli".
J - "Yes look" points at the stem
Me - "Well that's part of the brocolli".
J - "I'm thinking my choice is not to eat it anyways."
Me - "You are too young to make your own choices. Some things yes, but not about vegetables."
J - "No fair mom! You are intafrereering with my choices!"

She was so serious, man it was hard not to totally crack up! Where do they come up with this stuff? The next day she was having a pretend yard sale (where did she learn about those?) and tried to sell me a stuff animal for $10.00! Already has her father's business witts about her let me tell you. I have to remember to write some of these antedotes in her baby book, because I think one day it will be funny to read them to her. And by the by; I feel sorry for anyone that goes to one of her yard sales. Make sure to bring plenty of cash!

A PICTURE IS WORTH 1000 WORDS (BUT NOT $300.00)

Remember a few weeks ago I said I was taking Karis in for her 3 year old portraits? Well I decided to skip the Wal-Mart and Sears route (they always screw me with the "accept the first pose for the package" so-called deal. Anyways, since moving here, I've been eyeing this portrait studio. They always have the greatest photographs displayed - the kind you wish you had of your own family. So with the kind urging of my mom; I booked my darling girl a session there. First off, yes it was more than I usually pay but I think the pictures speak for themselves! Isn't she just the cutest??? There were about 75 of them to choose from, and it wasn't easy!!

Anyways, my dear husband looked at the receipt I mysteriously had hidden (well really; it wasn't that hidden) and just about had a coronary. I rationalized that you can't put a price on capturing your children's youth. He objected and said, "Yes you can!" I told him a picture is worth 1000 words - he just decided to let the whole thing go (probably figured you can't reason with a PMS woman). Besides, you go to any quality photographer and you aren't going to get a $9.99 package deal. LOL yes I'm trying to give merit to my case. Anyone would have to admi though (even darling hubby) that they did a wonderful job!

OUCH MY PAINTING ARM

For those of you who missed me; my absence was due to painting. Yes I'm painting again. You'd think I'd run out of things in this house to paint by now wouldn't you? I wish.

I decided to finally re-paint the twins and Karis' bathrooms. The original owner painted the entire house with a flat paint - including the bathrooms. So I had to re-paint with semi-gloss. I decided to go fun with the twins bath, and make it really bright! (oh and it is!!) Karis' ducky-themed bathroom did great with light blue walls. All the kids are in love with their new bathrooms. There is definately no fighting about taking baths now! Of course me being me, I couldn't help but make some handmade crafts for them. I think Michael's Crafts considers me their favorite customer right now. I enjoy making them though; so the pleasure is all mine.

I also finished my laundry room. You might ask, "who in the world decorates their laundry room?" Answer: me. LOL I had bought a wallpaper border for it when we first moved in in 2005. Its' been sitting on the shelf ever since. I finally painted the room, and today applied the border. Not fun when everything in that room is either uneven, or just plain awkward to get around. After a lot of swearing, I finally had it done. So three days of work; things look great but now I have to see my chiropractor to fix my shoulder/neck and whatever else I screwed up over-utilizing my right arm. I look like lurch right now.

Of course I'm including pictures of my hard week's work!! Hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed creating them (minus the debilitating physio I'll need).

BEAR-LY ENTERTAINING

It's a sad day when you have to boycott yet another Disney movie in your DVD library because of the content.

I had recently bought the girls "Brother Bear" to watch. My sister told me it was a great movie and that her kids enjoyed it. So I popped it in the other day, and the girls were delighted. I was not - so much. Why does Disney insist on putting words in their movie's like, "Stupid, Shut-up," "Dummy," and other things like that? Does it really make the movie that much better? Here I am folding socks, and I hear two mountain goats shouting "shut-up" to their echos. For us, having 4 and 3 year old telling each other to "shut-up" isn't something we encourage. How do you explain to them that just because you hear it; doesn't mean it's okay? This isn't the first time this has happened. I have so far boy-cotted Pocohontas (major violence), Hunchback of Notre Dame (more major violence), Pinocchio (kay kids smoking and drinking? nice), and other's I can't even think of.

Last week, Jarrett was following the kids up to bed, and Jenna starts to sing the old Spice Girls song, "If You Wanna Be My Lover". He almost passed out and fell down the stairs. We couldn't figure it out, where she even heard that song. OHHHHH that's right, it's on "Chicken Little." Why, oh why... would it be ok for kids to sing about how you won't have sex with someone unless they "get with your friends?" (By the way, that sounds like an endorsement for an orgy... lol). So we had to tell Jenna to please not sing that song. She asked us why, we told her we didn't like it too much. Think about it: you are sitting in church and your 4 year old starts to sing "If You Wanna Be My Lover." The priest would drop the wine all over the carpet, choir members would fall off the balcony in shock, crushing the congregation. Horrible incident - be on CNN for sure.

If you think about it; Disney has a long standing tradition of having cartoons that are shocking to parents (Bambi anyone?). Think of all the kids in the 70's that were traumatized when Bambi's mom was killed. It stands today tried and trued: Nemo's mom was eatten by a fish, Todd's mom was shot by hunters in Fox and the Hound, Cinderella's parents both kicked it and left her with the evil family, and of course Brother Bear, where everyone is either killed by a bear, or kills a bear. Whatever have you. Someone has to go. Don't get me wrong, I know death is a part of life and everything. Sometimes though it would be nice to let your kids watch movies that don't cause nightmares or long-winded explanations. I mean they can't watch Baby Einstein videos until they are sixteen!

So is there any children's movies out there you don't let your kids watch?

NOTHING TO FEAR - BUT FEAR ITSELF

I had to laugh at this. I was cruising around on Yahoo and came across this article about the top 15 things that men fear. I know probably 3 of those things off hand: commitment, unwanted pregnancies and vascetomies. OK I just added that to make a grand total of 18 things men fear. But anyways, I thought I would share them with you.

#15 Hair in the drain. Apparently the fear of male-pattern (or maybe un-baldness) is a big one. I think dh worries about it; but I told him no worries. He said nope; they are making great headway in plugs these days. He's still not folically challenged though (knocks on wood).

#14 Getting caught noticing another woman. Ha Ha Ha!!! Do men really think we don't notice them checking out the rack on the girl half our age? C'mon guys - get real. Ok I'll admit, we do it to. I'd be a big-ass liar if I said we didn't. The only difference is we are much less obvious.

#13 Rejection. Relationships, business, sports - it doesn't matter. I think this has to do with the alpha-male thing. They all want to be number one. Helps them feel manly and spray their pheramone around and impress the ladies and all.

#12 Super Nanny. Hell this woman scares me too; not to mention all the children in Western civilization. No one wants to hear how much they suck at parenting. However, I have adopted her "naughty matt" and it works wonders! But have you seen some of those parents? Lordy, a chimpanzee could be better parents.

#11 Speedos. OK if you guys fear them, why do you wear them? And it's not just the hot guys that actually look good in the Speedo that wear 'em. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you got your 80 year old man with a shriveled package, strutting around in it!! You don't appreciate a 300 lb woman in a bikini? Our sentiments exactly for you guys! I boycott the Speedo (spits).

#10 His dad's death. OK I can't poke fun at this one. I have a hard enough time wrapping my head around the inevitable death of my own father. I can't imagine how it will be the day hubby's dad passes. I guess when you think of your biggest hero on the earth, it's a hard thing to admit that he is only human (even though he's always been immortal to you).

#9 Her tears. Ha Ha Ha! The only reason you fear it is because you know you did something ultra-crappy and now are going to have to make up for it for days on end!!! I know my husband HATES to see me cry. I don't use it as emotional blackmail though. I mean some women cry to get what they want... I have more scrupples. I have other ways to make him do what I want (no withholding sex isn't one of them!)

#8 Being a lousy lover. Guess what? We fear you being lousy too. LOL just kidding; but really women are just self-conscious about it. Guys got to realize that insecurities only inhibit them. So relax, get your groove on and I'm sure you'll be fine. And if not, we'll give you a few hints (no worries).

#7 Not being a god to his kids. So true. Especially my husband: he has three daddy's girls!! I couldn't think of a better role model for them.

#6 Living paycheck to paycheck. Again, we fear this too. Nothing better than financial security. No one wants to claim bankruptcy. We certainly don't want to be dragged down with you when you claim bankruptcy. I think the biggest lesson anyone could learn is how to live within your means. It's simply a case of what you "need" and what you "want".

#5 Beautiful women. I've heard from countless drop-dead gorgeous ladies that men never approach them. They are too intimidating. Women feel intimidated by hot guys too you know. Exept we don't get into car accidents staring at your boobs as we drive by LOL. I guess the phrase, "It's hard being beautiful" is true.

#4 Getting naked. OK my major hang-up when I started to date my hubby. It's hard to "bare it all" because then you are showing your partner you may not be as perfect as they might think you are. It's nice to know men feel the same way. So I guess we should just all get over it and get naked! A little pudge here, a little sag there - it's all good.

#3 Tofurky. This just isn't right. I mean seriously; don't pass it off as turkey when it's clearly not. It's a slap in the comb to all those poor turkey's getting their heads chopped off at Thanksgiving.

#2 Not seeing his kids grow up. That's every parents worst nightmare. I know it's one of mine. No one ever wants to out-live their children; but no one ever wants to go before they are finished watching them grow up.

# 1 Public humiliation. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no one likes this!! Everyone has heard the story of the girl going to prom in a white dress and her period comes early? No that didn't happen to me, but let's face it... life is full of embarrasing moments that scar us. I can think of a few; the rest I think my trauma has blocked from my mind.

So there you have it: 15 things men fear. So what do you fear the most?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND

A very wonderful friend of mine is having a birthday today - some of you know her as Mamalee!! Happy birthday girl!! Hope your day is awesome and you have many more fun-filled years ahead of you!! I met her online in 2002; I was just ready to have my twins, and she just had her second baby. I've known her for such a long time; and she is by far one of the best people I have "un-officially" met. She's gotten me through a lot of rough times, and has joked along side me even more. Any of you that has met her knows exactly what I'm talking about!! Anyways, I just wanted to send a warm hug to my "sista". Much love always.

February is a busy month for birthdays for us. I have two brother-in-laws, a couple good friends, a niece and my grandmother. May is MUCH worse. I think everyone I'm related to decided they needed to be born in May. My Hallmark bills are way-high. I, of course, am the birthday coordinator for this family. This means I am responsible for buying all cards and gifts, signing everyone's names, and sending them out. It doesn't matter if they are related to me, or even my friends. How many of you have birthday duty around your house? Honestly, I don't really mind. I could sit and read cards all day. In fact, I'm somewhat of a card nut - I buy and send cards to people all the time for no apparent reason. I don't know why this is. I figure I always love opening up my mailbox and getting something for no reason at all. I mean it's nice getting cards on your birthday or anniversary, but when someone sends you one for no particular reason it makes you feel special because someone was thinking of you for no reason other than they thought of you.
So the next time you are browsing through a store, and you think of someone special, why not pick up a small card (nothing fancy) and send it to them. I'm sure it'll brighten their day to know that you thought of them!

FINDING THE PIECES

Have you ever encountered a moment in your life that is total irony? I can pin-point mine: third year university in abnormal psychology. We were learning about pervasive developmental disorders, and autism was the front-runner. After reading about it, and watching documentaries, I remember going home and telling my husband, "I think I could handle just about anything but a child that was autistic." Low and behold, 3 years later my child is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Some may call it tempting fate... I don't know. I have long ceased trying to find an explanation as to why autism even exists; let alone why my daughter has it. In fact, until recently really, most scientists were baffled by it too. So the other day when I was in Yahoo, I caught the headling "Genome Experiment in Autism finds..." you know I had to click on it immediately.

Speculation that it is a hereditary neuropsychiatric disorder seem to be on the right track. Last year I read an article in Time magazine that suggested it was partially due to a protein that deposits itself in babies brain in utero. Just what every mother wants to hear right? In spite of it all, I'm always excited to hear breaking news on the subject. The newest research has identified that autism is probably a defect on the 11th chromosome (that's big by the way), and that neurexin 1 plays a part as well. It amazing that a few years ago they weren't entirely sure. Fears that it was because of immunizations freaked out so many people (FYI it's always been my opinion it's not a correlation at all: it just manifests itself around age 18 months when most people get their kids vaccinated). Others worried it was severe reaction to food allergies (caesin and gluton anyone?). To be honest, it is more reassuring to know that it was probably nothing I ever did, or exposed Kierra to that caused her disorder.

What's even more astounding is that there has been research in the UK on mice with autism. Apparently they have found a sort of immunization that once administered, cured these mice completely of their autistic traits!! Can you imagine that??? The idea that there one day might be an injection that could cure my daughter is unbelievable. Also, since isolating the chromosome, scientists believe they may be able to develop testing both pre-natally and post-natally to diagnose children before it manifests. Instead of the AFP/Triple Screen, they could add autism to the mix as well. For those that know, early diagnosis is key. In fact, most headway against autism is done in the first three years of life, however most kids aren't diagnosed until they are over the age of three (FYI: Kierra was diagnosed just after she turned two). Obviously this is a huge problem. The only reason Kierra was diagnosed is because of my education background, and my recongition of it by the time she was 17 months old. Try fighting your pediatrician that there is something wrong with your toddler when he thinks she's fine. I don't know of any child that talks up a storm and then all of a sudden, loses all her speech and regresses into a non-responsive state.

I have always been forth-coming on having people ask me about autism. Education to me is key, especially when you are your child's advocate in this world. It is amazing that even knowing how wide-spred it really is (1 in 150 children), so many people misunderstand it. Therefore, for any of my blog followers, if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me. I don't get offended or upset by it. In fact I welcome it. I do hope you all celebrate with me the wonderful news the scientific community has announced. It is definately a huge breakthrough on a disorder that we still have so much to learn about!!

For more information, please visit:

www.autismspeaks.com
www.autismresearchnetwork.org
www.autism-society.com

YOU GIVE ME FEVER

A good mutual friend of ours just had their first baby two weeks ago. Today, me and my friend "A" decided we would go and visit the new parents, and of course, get in some serious ohhhh-ing and awww-ing of their new daughter!

How many of you get that baby fever as soon as you enter the same room of a newborn??? OMG seriously; I could feel myself ovulate lol. There is just something so magical about holding a new baby. I didn't want to let her go, I could've just sat there forever staring at her. Can you tell I have serious baby fever? Yes I have three kids, two of which are fraternal twins. Yes I had them exactly 19 months apart... yes that's right. When the twins were 19 months old, out came Karis into this world. You should've seen the looks I got pushing around a twin stroller with my tummy larger than life. But in all honesty, I really enjoyed being pregnant. Having gone through IVF a lovely three times, I was in my total element being a momma-to-be. A lot of people ask me if Karis was an accident then, seeing how close in age the girls are. Believe it or not NOPE!!! We figured it took so much to conceive, that chances are we probably wouldn't by ourselves. Low and behold, two months later I peed on a stick and it was positive.

I am not a glutone for punishment. After Karis was born we figured I should give my uterus a much needed rest. I mean you can't just be popping out babies left and right. So now that Karis is three, I think I'm ready to put an occupancy sign out. Holding that sweet little one today just reminded me of just how great it is to start all over again. One thing that isn't up to snuff is my triceps and biceps though. She was a big baby (over 9 lbs), and my arm was actually sore from holding her this afternoon. I'm going to have to start bench-pressing babies soon; because apparently the days of hauling two infant carriers around are so far gone, my muscles are undergoing atrophy. All kidding aside... it's funny how the smell of a freshly washed baby overrides memories of smelly diapers.

WANT YOU TO WANT ME?

How many of you are guilty of buying US Weekly, People or any of those weekly magazines devoted to celebrity life? C'mon don't be shy. OK so if you don't buy the magazines, how many of you will click on the "celeb news" on MSN or Yahoo and read all the gossip? I raise my hand, and wave it defiantly at everyone. I have no life and must live vacariously through people who are overpaid, over-rated and over-exposed. OK OK, looking at it through a sociological perspective; it's a perfect example of the Conflict Theory: the have's vs. the have-nots. We always want to compare our lives to those who seem to exemplify the "good life." Personally, I think it puts things in perspective. Who really is the "have-not" here? The hard working people who drive reasonable cars, eat at Wendy's and like to watch LOST every Wednesday? Or the people who are so screwed up that every mistake they make is splashed up on the covers of magazines all over the country with the most unflattering pictures of themselves they could think of?

Wonder where I am going with this? Here it is: I honestly don't think being a celebrity is all that it is cracked up to be. Some of them are just so overly talked about; even they must be sick of themselves! You know what I'm talking about: you can't go ANYWHERE without seeing their names in print, or seeing them on ET or Extra. We kinda hate them, yet we are still completely fascinated with their lives. So here is my list of people I could deal without hearing about for a LONG time.

#1: Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie: Ok seriously people who cares? It's been over a year; let's move on from it. I mean this isn't the first time a guy cheated on his wife with someone hotter. If I have to read one more time about those two saving another poor orphan child I'm going to scream. I mean are they really spectacular people that are better than everyone else? I know people who adopt; and they aren't given the "Humanitarian of the Year" award. Give it a rest already!! And all the boo-hoo's that Jen is crying over those two. First off, if she is, she needs to get some therapy because she's better off without him. Second, you don't want him anyways if he was that willing to throw away your marriage. ENOUGH!! No more pictures of that Maddox kid with the crazy hair or the "blob" baby Angelina so lovingly referred to as her daughter. Stop the insanity!!!

#2: Paris Hilton: SHE'S SO SICKENING! She's not talented, she's not even that pretty for God's sakes!! She's always doing that same generic pose of hers. I mean no one stands with their ankles crossed unless they really have to pee or something. And with all her millions, I mean seriously spring for the nose job already!! That schnooze must dip into her Starbucks. No more "Simple Life" please; no one cares that you treat people like crap and have no appreciation for people that actually work for their money. She needs to take her 3 lb dog, ferrett or whatever else she has that is furry, along with her fake ass hair extensions and get lost already. Honestly, I've never heard of anyone so useless getting paid so much!

#3: Nicole Richie aka "I don't have an eatting disorder": OK girl, who are you trying to kid? I'm so sick of everyone going on and on about how worried they are about her. Give her a Big Mac already - the girl can't survive on tic-tacs!!! I don't understand how someone who must idolize Mary-Kate Olson thinks she's ok? Before it was how much her and Paris Hilton hated one another... and now they are BFF again. Personally I liked it better when they hated each other... nothing good can come out of pairing up these two doofuses together. Between the car accidents they create, and the tacky catch-phrases them try to stuff into pop-culture... do us a favor and let your 5 mintues of fame fade gracefully.

#4: Tom Cruise: Enough said!!!

#5: Britney Spears: I kinda feel sorry for her. I mean putting Fed-Ex aside; this girl is a mess. It seemed she almost had things together after she dumped her bum of a husband, but lately YEESH!!!! Who saw those pictures of her... um neather-regions? I did and I'm telling you NOT pretty!! Who doesn't wear panties when you are being photographed 24-7??? Plus hanging out with #2 on the list? Man this girl needs an intervention. It's like watching a plane falling from the sky and there is nothing you can do about it. Speaking as a mother I can't imagine raising kids and being that messed up. I think all those years of wearing too-tight trucker hats has gotten to her. The girl SHAVED HER HEAD BALD!!!! On the one side, at least we don't have to see her hair color of the week... I mean that hair was more a nest for endangered condors than anything else. Then she checks into rehab... for a whole 2 hours. They need to seriously get that girl some help. SOS - save Britney!

#6: Jessica Simpson: What the hell is she doing to her face? I mean her sister gets a nose job, and all of a sudden Jess is starting to look like Michael Jackson! I don't know how many of you saw her MTV show with her now ex; but that girl mostly has her looks to work with. She's not rocket scientist material that's for sure. For someone in her 20's, seems she's kinda getting a little neurotic with the fixer uppers. Hell I'm 31 and I don't need Botox yet; and that's with 3 children! Note to Jessica: girl stop messing with your face or you're going to be Joan Rivers long lost twin. She should invest her money in more worthwhile things... like adding Louis Vuitton purse 450 to her collection (OK I'm jealous because we all know I'm a purse fanatic). And trading down Nick Lachey for John Mayer? EW EW EW. Too much peroxide people - it can be a dangerous thing to brain cells.

Ok I think I'm done ragging on the celebs. I guess it just goes to show that the grass is not always greener on the other side. People are just people, and still have real world problems. I guess it's just more of an interesting read when you make a bazillion dollars. So who is on your list?

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP... IS NOT MUSCLE SPASMS IN YOUR LEG

OK who is with me on this one? You are lying in your lovely warm, toasty bed... totally relaxed. The sleep is wearing off and you are in your ultimately happy place nice and rested and refreshed. You go to stretch it off a little, get a little crack in the back, loosen up your neck a little... all the way to pointing you toes. And then it hits you all of a sudden... that awful pulling sensation in your calf muscle. You flex your toes in a vain attempt to block off the inevitable but you know it's too late. Your whole calf is griped with tight, excruitating pain as you silently scream into your pillow (might I add I yelled many a profanity). Full on charly horse. You try to flex off your toes to release the spasms in your leg; but that takes a few minutes to work. Of course Jarrett was already in the shower so I just rolled back and forth holding my thigh in my hands praying that the pain in my leg would ease up soon. WHY OH WHY couldn't I have eatten a banana before bed last night??? My leg is so sore this morning, I feel like I ran a marthon on one leg. What a way to wake up to the day. I guess it could have been worse... it could've been a migraine. (give it a few days, we are getting a chinook system any day now).

On a happier note, I received my piano yesterday! I was very excited as were the girls... especially for people who had no idea what the delivery guys brought into the house (the cover was over the keys; I guess they didn't know pianos did that). Once I explained what it was, joyous cries rose in the house, and I tickled the ivories and they danced around as though in a tribal fusion. Karis and Jenna actually ran into each other at one point, but that didn't stop them from popping back up and breaking into a polka or something (Must be the Ukrainian in them). Took me an hour or so before I found my long-lost piano groove. Soon I was playing Fur Elise and having the time of my life. Back is kinda sore this morning from sitting on that bench though. So lets recap: sore piano back, and sore muscle spasm leg.

OHHHHH and I can't believe I didn't mention this!! On Valentine's Day hubby got on one knee, pulled out a small velvet box and asked me to be his Valentine... with beautiful princess cut diamond earrings!! Oh yes he did!! I was totally floored and didn't expect them. They are gorgeous! I refused to take them off the other night, but I decided maybe I should because my ears kept getting pulled on from them by the pillow. It took us a while to figure you have to pull down the earring shaft before you can unscrew them. So I kinda made my earlobes sore with all that aimless twisting I did. Oh I guess another recap: sore piano back, sore muscle spasm leg, and sore twisting for no apparent reason earlobes. Man I'm in rough shape huh?

To top off the week, hubby took my minivan into the shop to have the ABS/TCS looked at. Turns out there was condensation on the wires, so that's why it kept being crazy and cutting out on me. So you can all feel satisfied knowing I'm not longer driving a metal coffin around the city. Good thing too, the roads here suck because they never plow. The mentality of the city counsil is that we only get one truly bad month of weather and the snow melts soon after... so why plow???? Well let me think: fatalities from car accidents, and probably millions of dollars worth of personal injury, vehicle injury and probably people running over light posts and mailboxes. Call me crazy but some plows for a month would probably be cheaper. Maybe I should've ran for Premier??????

Anyways, I got all the kiddos for the day; no JK for the twins. Can you say Mayham Mayham Mayham????? Pass me a margarita at the end of the day will ya?

YOU'RE INVITED... BUT YOUR TWIN CAN'T COME

Not very often am I at a loss for words. Ask anyone that knows me well (aka MamaLee - she'll verify this in a second)... that when it comes to rants, discussions or anything vocal - I'm in my ultimate element. However, right now I'm truly stumped as to how to handle a certain situation.

For those of you that are not familiar, I have fraternal twin girls, one that is autistic. Both of them are attending a junior kindergarten program at a specialized school. It's an intergrative program that allows typical children to mix with the disabled children; which I think is great! So for JK I wanted them both in the same class; to help them with their communication (Kierra lost pre-acquired speech and is just recently starting to talk again). There are other children in their class that are typical. Most of them are autistic though; so there are 3 other typical little girls that are good friends with my daughter Jenna. I'm told that Kierra prefers to seek out the same girls to play with in class as well.

Well the other day, Jenna brings home a birthday party invitation. She's waving it wildly at me and tells me "M" is having a party!! She's so excited because this is her very first party that is not neighbor or relative related. Of course I'm delighted for her; as she goes on and on about the cake and games and such. I look in Kierra's backpack looking for an invitation and find nothing. I check her pockets of her coat and nothing. I gently ask Jenna if "M" gave Kierra an invitation to the party as well. Jenna tells me, "No only I'm going to M's party." My heart falls and I feel so sad all of a sudden. I can't understand how anyone can invite one sister and not the other, even if the other sister has a disability. I understand that the invitee is a typical child; but still.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. Part of me feels that if both weren't invited, then they both shouldn't go. Then I think why should I punish Jenna for it? I hate the fact I have to even deal with this. This is a reality of having a special needs child. It's nothing foreign to me unfortunately. People invite Jenna to play at their houses without extending an invitation to her sister. Kids play with Jenna more at playgrounds than with Kierra. It's a sad thing for me to see because it truly breaks my heart. I know sometimes it's hard to understand why a four and a half little girl can't talk like the other kids. So do I email the mom and ask if it would be ok if Kierra came? I could assume she didn't know that the girls were sisters? Or do I just let it go? I honestly don't know... but how do you explain to your little girl when her sister heads out the door with a present in hand, that sometimes the world just sucks?